   Clorinda 2008-10-31 . chapter 15The best one-word adjective here is: pastoral. The softball games, the pick-up trucks, the "church newsletter," the near-obsession with babies and kids clinched the idea. Pre-marital sex? Now THAT'S not bucolic.
I liked Micah more than I liked Maureen. He's the ideal man, while she's very believable: flawed, inflexible, and self-centered. She got VERY irritating more than once, but that's what kept me reading.
Overall, it was a simple, warm story, and you're wrong: it *is* publication material (minus the onslaught of typos that a real hick would make; no offence meant, because you *do* come across as a person with their head and language screwed on the right way.) It's the type of story that gets fast-forgotten in the publication archives because the plot couldn't hold up the storyline, despite the good descriptions.
It was impossibly slow going. While it was nice to see Maureen and Micah fall in love over and over and over again, there was absolutely no plot development and almost no action (and I don't mean people beating each other up). I'll list the parts of the story that were (objectively) worth remembering:
1. the dance (her fuming inside was a different scenario)
2. her explanation of what Denise and Matt had done (no elaboration given because the characters in the story understood and that was enough)
3. the "wedding" and her forgetting Keets's name
4. the softball game with Micah and Mikala
5. sneaking into Michah's bed
6. "tell me again"
7. the Strauss brothers (overprotective without overdoing it)
8. the outburst
"Thank you for treating Mikala like a real girl" was clichéd, and I can say that without being insensitive. So was Connie's outburst, and so was the end, but it was a WAFFy sort of happy ending. Rose was a plus point, especially their teenage years. I also liked how you concentrated on their personalities more than their clothes, and the passage about Maureen falling to the ground only to shatter into three hundred pieces all of which landed where they were supposed to— was a nice touch.
Pastoral definitely, but pastel too. |
 Strangely Natural 2008-08-14 . chapter 15I'm glad Maureen has the type of character to see the benefits of not judging people for the decisions they make without her any prior experience to base that opinion on. Also that she's not pessimistic for people like Rose, she's actually really happy for her friend and the peace of mind she's found with Levi and David, and it's wonderful to see.
Micah has a strange intro but he seems promising. He turns out such a sweetheart and I'm glad he never got over Maureen, though I wonder why she's such a commitment phobe, it's ruining something good (ex: ch 5) but at least she's getting better and he doesn't doesn't give up on her, yay. Why is she adamant on not being a hillbilly? what's really so bad about that? She really does handle emotions horribly, but ch 6 was precious anyways, especially because the lyrics were wonderful.
Chapter 7, had so many precious moments, my fav though were: *The rug got pulled out from under me and there I lay on the floor in about three thousand pieces. There were too many shards to even try to put them back together. What choice did I have except to let go? Maybe it all started when Matt and Denise deserted me? Or maybe it started even before that? God had provided for me. He had taken care of me. I still had my job. I still had my apartment. I had my family. I had these old friends. It took me being deserted to realize how much I truly was surrounded by love. Maybe Mike fit in with all of that? Maybe I was crazy too? Marrying him made no sense, but nothing in the past few months had made sense either. I glanced at him, standing by the window, waiting for my answer. It was as if I could see the remains of what used to be my life, now scattered on the floor, but each piece had not fallen by chance. In truth it was placed with the utmost care into a beautiful pattern. A beautiful mosaic. “Okay.” I felt shy. “I’ll marry you if you marry me.” He was beaming.* just so wonderful ^_^
and this one: *Mike was all that I could handle. He kissed me, timid and slow and after that things really began to blur. I’m sure that I looked as if I was heavily medicated or something like that because all I could do was smile and hold onto his arm for dear life. Oh did I mention smile? I smiled up at the bright morning sunlight as we left the building. Mike scooped me up and swung me in circles. Had life ever been better?* so cute, you can practically feel their glow.
The end of ch 8 shows Maury beginning to search to complete herself, and I'm so glad Micah is so wonderful to her, he really knows how to handle her insecurities well.
This is a great beginning to ch 9: *Mike told me he wanted me to dream, so by golly I did. Life was a dream; a beautiful exhausting dream filled with late night rendezvous and early morning love. But nothing lasts forever. Dreamers must wake up sometime. I guess if you’re dreaming that means that you’re sleeping and if you’re sleeping you may be alive, but you aren’t really living. You could be, in fact, hiding. Hiding, perhaps, from life? That is exactly what I was doing. Of course I didn’t realize it at the time but every day that I spent wrapped up with Micah was one more day that I didn’t have to face the rest of the world and the reality of what had happened between us. But I digress. As I was saying, all dreamers must wake up and it was a Friday evening ballgame that became my rude wake up call.* very well written, instilling a sense of foreboding.
After this past chapter, calling Maureen an airhead is a nice thing to say, I mean she's been with him so many times already and the fact the they're MARRIED fails to dawn on her that she's way past needing people to not notice, she needs them to tell her to grow up, and to stop trying to lose someone very precious to her life.
*I heard the ring fall with a gentle thud instantly berated myself for responding so typically. I found the bedside lamp and glanced frantically around the room. No ring. I slid off of the bed and sank to my knees. No ring. Tears poured out and I had no to stop them. My body crumpled until lay prostrate on the floor and my arm touched something cool. My stomach jolted and I held it as I clutched the ring. The cramping eased when my tears slowed and I lay my head on the floor and snuggled against the previously discarded pillows. If I tried hard enough I could almost feel his arms around me and his soft breathing on my neck. My face was damp against the cotton but I slept off my exhaustion.* This is a great metaphor, for her loss and hopefully her reunion with Mike. (ch 10)
*“She’s making progress.” I told Peggy. “Never give up when she’s still making progress.” I hugged her and felt a set of chubby arms squeeze my legs.* beautiful line, teary hopeful moment. Another hopeful moment in chapter 10 is that fact that Maureen FINALLY thinks of someone else besides herself. YAY!
*It was a dreary day but Lucy’s smile shone even brighter than her kitchen appliances.* awesome hilarious line. You're right ch 11 does feel good and I love it too.
This was somewhat expected and I'm really happy it was Connie that finally brought it up: *“I guess I should have been suspicious. You ignored us all for so long and refused every invitation, then suddenly you were out here every weekend.” “That wasn’t intentional. Connie, I was stupid. I shouldn’t have treated you all like that, but you gotta realize…”She didn’t want to hear what I had to say. “You’ve cause enough trouble. You hurt him enough already, so why don’t you just go back to your fancy celebrity musician friends who are all too good for us and leave us in peace again. Have a ** wonderful day.” She hollered as she went back down the steps. I heard both Ryan and Mike talking to her and though I never heard her response I felt the house shake when she slammed the door on her way out.* Nice exit girl, what a way to make them think no?
This is another nice line: *There’s something about the way he watches me that makes me feel good inside. It’s kind of like he’s hugging me with his eyes.* cute. Ch 12 developed Maury's character well, I'm glad she's progressing to being better.
*They must have gone to extra work for our guest. The usual paper plates were replaced with glass. Not fine china, mind you, but it was still nice. “Chicken Broccoli Casserole! Yum!” Todd hugged mom. Seriously, it’s one of our favorites. There were a few noisy minutes of passing plates and “Hey I wanted that’s” And “Oh! Gimme the crescent rolls!” Then when things had quieted Liam took in the group at the table. “Has he bought you flowers?” “Um.” I glanced at Mike then at Liam. “No. He hasn’t.”
“Good.” Liam stabbed a piece of broccoli with his fork. “That’s too corny.”* great and adorably funny scene, ch 13 has started out well, and the bombshell at the end had me laughing, they're all deers caught in head lights.
The first three paragraphs of chapter 14 have to say a magically written the best by far so far in the entire book, beautiful descriptions and statements on awe and sorrow. Really, just WOW. It's that good.
*I felt Mom’s hand on my shoulder so I leaned against her leg as she still sat on the wall. She was always so strong and reassuring. All ** had reigned inside for about thirty minutes after Micah’s sweet announcement. Will didn’t believe him. Todd tried to strangle him. James highjacked me and Liam insisted “the kid” be named after him. Mom hadn't said a word and I threw up again.* this was hilarious, so many reactions all in different directions, hehe.
See now this, serves as a good ending to the story: *I did feel better, so much better, and I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t think of words to explain everything I was feeling. I love you wasn’t enough. I ran my hands over his and lifted myself up to kiss him. It seemed like years since we had touched and so long since we had held each other. I kissed him slowly savoring the softness of his skin. He pulled me closer and I sighed with contentment. This was where I belonged. I ran my tongue over his lips and they parted in answer to my plea. A chaste kiss wouldn’t work. I wanted his whole mouth to explore and posses. I needed his body, but was it all for me? In these past weeks he had given me so much of himself, but now he needed me. He needed my trust and my love. Why hadn’t I seen it before? I was so hung up on my own problems and my own pain that I never realized how he was reaching out to me body and soul. Every man wants good sex right? That’s all they think about? Well that’s what I thought anyway. But he was still here. I had used him and hurt him and thrown up on him, and he was still here. “Let’s make love.” The words were out before I could stop them. It was what we both needed; tender, sweet, passionate love – love to shake us and complete us. It was what we had from the beginning but it had taken me all of this time to realize it.* just sweet and tender just like she said. Ch 14 was my favorite, poetic in it's own way, especially when Maury's mom tells her how her father made her feel when they were young, in love, together and happy. Aww ^_^
The end (ch 15) fit quite well, just the right lines too, and come on who really doesn't love corny endings, they make life better. I especially loved it when she told him about the call with Kate, and that she want to spend her life with him, it was a warm and fuzzy scene, yay. Happy writing always! |
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