Reviews for Aiua - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Aiua - Reviews: Page 1 of 5

JaveHarron 2007-08-23 ch 27, anon.	abuseI must say this story was quite awesome, and quite a change from the original format (for the better). An awesome blend of cyberpunk and space opera with military scifi in there. I hope you do continue this series.
Narc 2007-08-13 ch 1,	abusePowerful first chapter. I like the way you opened up with mostly dialogue and little else. You did a great job of setting up the story through just a couple characters talking. It kept the pacing up.
MiroFTW 2007-08-13 ch 27,	abuseagain, congrats on finishing this thing. hopefully, it won't take another 12 months to push out another chapter, but we can all get sidetracked with life. anyways, glad you finished this. next time i read this better be in a comic book . i could settle with a redraft as well, but by that point, it might as well be more time efficient to make the comic book instead. congrats and can't wait to see arc 3!
MiroFTW 2007-08-12 ch 26,	abuseHmm, not as much as a climactic ending as I initially figured, but still a pretty good read. I liked Alex Moore's death and how it was executed by Jade. For some reason, I think killing off people by a long drop is a pretty romantic death, despite how ugly the image is after he/she hits the ground. Again, Ramses' mental stability also shows in this character. I'm going to assume that whatever he broadcasted was basically the truth to the Conglomerate, but by leaving it unexplained, you can throw-in another surprise later on. If I've learned thing, it's this. Being vague = plot-twist potential. I'm a bit startled Dana followed Ed without so much as a second thought. I mean sure, the guy's not even close to an evil mastermind that is the Conglomerate, and she knows that Ed is some crazy maniac by the time she settles into the aircraft, but I'd figure she give it some thought first before leaving her world behind. All-in-all, the second arc is pretty good, but there's that nagging feeling that there's just something missing to make it from pretty good to excellent. Maybe I was just expecting something bigger after Ed's explanation on the war, but I felt as if there could've been some or event to define all of the backstory that was being told through the second arc. Again, maybe it's just me and big expectations. Still, I'm interested to see where you head in the third arc. Oh how I loathe TBC's...
MiroFTW 2007-08-11 ch 25,	abuseAhh much suspense in this chapter. A bit of Ed's psycho side is starting to show, though I wonder what exactly he's saying over the various media broadcasts. Or how he's doing it in the first place. Hopefully you can explain that in the next chapter or something. Now I'm trying to figure out how this all will end, but I doubt Ed's going to get captured again. Anyways, not much wrong with the chapter. Grammar, dialogue and narration are solid. Hope you update soon! :D
Master Chief 2007-08-04 ch 24,	abuseK... so these last few chapters were nothing short of wicked. The big reveal about Amara is way cooler than him being another Arbiter-type (although that would have still rocked), but seeing as how Aiua's been reshaped and the like, this is a much tighter fit. Very awesome. M.C.
Master Chief 2007-08-04 ch 23,	abuseWicked chapter. Wicked. Just plain wicked. I'll save thoughts when i'm caught up.
MiroFTW 2007-08-04 ch 24,	abusejust wow. finally everything is unraveled here. the tension was building up nicely to revelation of the mind being a human body. Once you said Amara and independent Aiuans, however, I could already begin to picture that Ed's wife had become Amara. Still, I love the plot twists. If I'm getting this correctly, then there really is not that much of a biological distinction between an independent Aiuan and a human? About the content of the chapter- like usual, nothing wrong with grammar or dialogue. I just found one sentence to be rather awkward: Dana recalled just why what was left of her squadron had felt so bitter by the end of the operation Just omit the "what was left of her squadron had" and put in "she". Anyways, very good read and very good job of pumping out two chapters in three days. Update soon!
MiroFTW 2007-08-02 ch 23,	abuseWell, to start off this has been a very interesting chapter, with the plague and all. The thing I'm confused is actually where this story is going. The Aiuan war pretty much has been the cover of the first two story arcs but what this all is building up to remains a mystery. Content, dialogue and grammar are all solid. Just one thing to point out-- when you mention "Sitcom Unit R", I'd think that the UE forces or whatever government/party that employs the Sitcoms would adopt the Nato phonetic alphabet (I think it's the most commonly used today), so that R would instead be .. Romeo. Anyways, update soon!
MiroFTW 2007-07-30 ch 22,	abuserawr this chapter is sinisterly short. not much to report on grammar or content wise except that exactly nothing happened this chapter :P what was that thing that Dana was tapping into on her ear? a bridge? reminded me briefly of the uploading from the Matrix. anyways, update soon!
MiroFTW 2007-07-29 ch 21,	abuseWhy DID they use humans to build their machines? Damn you Sid! All in all, a pretty good chapter. Dialogue was spot on. As far as grammar goes, only two real things I noticed needed some revision: "When it became clear that he waiting silently for either question, she instead settled on, ..." -Just add a "was" in there Statistics pouring in from all the Sitcoms into David's head told him that almost ninety-eight percent of their shots were hitting home ones. -home ones? As far as grammar goes, that's about it. The Sitcom armor is pretty badass. For some reason, that war machine that Dave and the others encountered sorta reminded me of the AT-AT from star wars. One thing I'm wondering (I think I might've asked you about this a while back but I've forgotten it now): what does Sitcom stand for, if anything? Not much more to poke about. Update soon! :D
Master Chief 2007-07-12 ch 20,	abuseSo, I've already told you what i thought, but i figured i'd post a review anyway, because, reviews are awesome. Good battle chapter. Dialogue needs tweaking, and I should've refreshed myself before reading, but meh. Solid. And like i'm said, i'm jealous. Update soon. M.C.
MiroFTW 2007-07-10 ch 20,	abuseAfter a year's time, the much awaited post to Aiua is here and this story has not skipped a beat at all. This was a VERY good read, with perhaps the best written space battle that I've read in a long time. Alright a few things to comment on. Grammar-wise, the chapter was fine though I spotted a few mistakes here and there. Nothing that can't be undone with a simple read-through. Content-wise, the dialogue was very well-written. I loved the bits of humor sprinkled in the chapter. I'm a bit skeptical about the use of bullets in space, but I guess that's what separates Jackals from the Crabs. I'm also a bit surprised they're not more used to following a chain of command, ie. calling Marshall something like "Lead" instead of his call-sign. For some reason I'm also picturing Dana to shape very much like Starbuck and I'm expecting a "frack!" from her any minute now. Also, I became a bit distracted after going over this part: Lance's wing- now down to two fighters- came up behind her. I always thought a wing was just two fighters. I don't mean to say that a wing MUST comprise of two fighters but that was the standard I've come to know by. Hell, you can have a wing of four if you want, just it should be clarified :D Anyways, that's all I can think of now. Update soon!
JaveHarron 2006-09-06 ch 19, anon.	abuseAwesome dogfight scene. Couldn't find any grammatical mistakes, though some more details on the jets and Auian crabs might work.
MiroFTW 2006-08-13 ch 19,	abuseargh. good chapter, but yearning for more. the battle against the Aiuan vessel was very well written. i'm guessing there's more to this major engagement that's still yet to be written. as far as grammar goes, nothing wrong. dialogue is fluid. nothing much else left to say except please update soon!

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