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| steev 2006-07-18 ch 1,  | abuseThis could be a decent poem or two. Delete 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 & 10; these sections are either cliched, meaningless padding, or act as fragments of other poems that seem to have been haphazardly (& clumsily) inserted into another poem (these being sections 8 & 10).. S1:L1- bad line break.L7- remove "and cold". The inversion ("exceedingly rare is it", "it matters not") is corny, melodramatic, & unmusical. S9:L2- remove entirely.L8- remove entirely The final line by itself is melodramatic & trite. Hook it to the strophe. |
| Faithless Juliet 2006-05-28 ch 1, | abuseCan I say 'wow' without becoming a cliche? It's strange - I really like this poem (you've got some talent here) but also I feel like I just got insulted. It's so ruff, and rude, and sassy (like - 'you' can see right through us 'society' and can rage to your hearts content while we just sit here and take it.) I want to say that I loved it; but that might be somewhat of an aspersion to someone like you. Juliet. |