WARNING: I am very nitpicky when I review stuff...so there. >_> So...sorry in advance if I somehow hurt your feelings. I'm really not tryin to. I'm trying to be...not nitpicky?

I think you used a little too much description in the first paragraph. Metaphors are great and all, but you used them a bit too freely and it doesn't quite flow that well.

In the second paragraph, the sentence that starts with "Cold droplets" could have been restated better.

Um...what else...is I thought "elvin" was spelled "elven" >_> But...that looks a lot like eleven, so I'm probably wrong. XD

About the actual story though...I think it's a great start. I really like what I've read so far, and I can't wait to read what happens next. ^_^

Well, yeah I really liked it, mkay? I already told you to perhaps expand on avarice's charater a bit, and no, I'm not really a big fan of the way you started the story. The opening paragraph should be more than just listed scenery (

I saw your advertisment on Gaia, and I was hoping maybe we can become friends on it. My user name is IceMadien.

I don't see any spelling errors, and you picked interesting names and different word choice. I really like this story so far and I hope you update. I can feel the suspence in my veins!

Thanks for even bothering to read my review.

-Samantha aka IceMadien

The opening sentence and paragraph are cliche, perhaps they would be better if written from the cat's perspective.

I disliked the description of how a cat feels about being wet. "what with all of the cold droplets of water washing over him like a river." It seems kind of obvious. You should imagine what it -really- feels like to be soaked with all that fur. ;)

The elves have mastered eletricity? That seems very un-elfish.

Why is he laughing at his reflextion again? I may have missed something here.

All in all, not a bad start. I liked the way you portrayed Avarice. Cats often do seem to know more than we do. But I don't understand, where are Noir's parents? Is the cat his care taker? =/

Hmm :]] I like the name avarice.

And i really like the way you've set this story up!

great start :]

Here via Gaia... username Kalare42.

This is a pretty intriguing premise. I like the cat. But overall, it's just the two characters talking to each other... nothing really happens. A lot of times, you can completely cut out opening exposition like this and sprinkle the information into the scenes immediately following.

Other things:- The meadow probably wouldn't look "emerald" green in the dark. Colors seem a lot duller at night.- "Rain" described as an element... I kind of get where you're coming from, but it sounds weird. (I usually think of elements as being water, fire, earth, etc.)- The cat is hunting small creatures, but later speaks of meat-eating with disapproval... why?- Is Noir *really* expecting to see a human when he opens the door? Maybe you could say "half-expecting" or something like that.- Why is he laughing at his reflection? He's seen it before.- Hasn't he been studying for this test before tonight? And you definitely need to explain why the priest would lock him in a dungeon.- "He shook his head so that water flew from his thick black locks and carried Avarice away from the meadow, the storm clouds following." I had a picture of this giant wave of water swooping out of his hair and whooshing the cat up into the sky.- Any time you have an -ing clause, try deleting it and see what happens. For instance: "Frowning, Noir pulled Avarice into his arms, cradling him." The sentence is stronger if you take out the "cradling him."

You've got the beginning of a good story here... good luck, and I hope this helps!

Hey, this is Iria from Gaia. I actually did get around to reading the story, and as I pointed out there, you need to be careful with the name of Noir Mort. If Noir passes the test, then perhaps he could chose a name as his 'adult' name. You could work it that Avarice calls him 'Noir', and that is why he chooses the name, because he has thought of himself as that from his friendship with the cat.I like the first chapter, and enjoyed reading it. I hope that you continue the story soon - PM me when you update it next.~WolfMoon~(aka. Iria Firesong).

Ahh...nothing like a talking cat in the first chapter. I can't wait to see what this 'test' is about. But then, we've all had that feeling of forgetting something and then...bam!

This is very well written!

I especially like how Arvarice thinks elves are superior to humans, while Noir thinks the opposite.

Hope to see more soon!

Well, After reading the little 'beta version' you gave me, It got me to looking back at my own writings as well as those of Dean Koontz's with giving animals personalities. I love Avarice. He's detatched, but he knows what's good for Nior, no matter how cold he may seem.

That's so typical of cats. So indifferent. Now dogs, they're softer with stuff like that.

Overall, I like what you got going so far. And try and get the next chapter in before Wednesday, please!

Hum...Good Chapter...I look forward to more :P

Lovely job there! I really like how he forgot, and now is panicking. That's so cute. Great job so far, do continue!