interesting. erm, i cant really say much on this one...atmosphere sort-of draws u in and i loved the beautiful imagery throughout. but, keep writing,

~mez~

Gorgeous imagery hon. *smiles*

I have a few nitpicks though-

1. instead of a semi-colin in the 3rd line, which looks off, perhaps a period.

2. fourth line, should 'vein' be 'veins'?

3. I love the parenthetical part, but it feels short. I would change the last line to: and she has never felt so alive.) But that's just me. *grins*

ciao, doll. Kelle.

(one cold kiss above the groggy third eyeand she's never felt so alive.)

. . . . Emeraldi . . . You are THE Muse of FictionPress. The language in this poem is so beautiful, a paradigm of simple elegance and a prime example of why poetry really is not a lost art like I once feared. Thank you for giving me hope that poetry is not a dying fad. I really mean that. ^_^ Vonderful, Emeraldi, vonderful. And . . . menga, why do you change your penname so much? Lol.

might i say thatthe parentheses-sectionis mesmerizing?

Very pretty. It seems so powerful, to me like she's throwing off conformistreligion and letting the moment take her away.