I found the different methods of exploring the same emotions interesting.

Where the story was repetitive through the emotions being explored, the lyrics weremore direct and impressionable.

The story starts with a lengthy and well written imagery of the night, but I felt that I lost any compassion I had for the narrator through the beginning and middle due to the fact she was very self pitying and it was very repetitive. It wasn't until the end that I regained sympathy for the narrator because the language was compressed and because you were shown her life rather than described.

The Lyrics were more pragmatic, I liked the imagery used and the sense of waiting that was depicted through the use of 'silver in her hair'.

Over all I enjoyed the lyrics more than the story because it was more direct and hard hitting.

A good character portrait, structure and form wise. A couple problems though:
The narrative is well spoken, that's for sure, the thing about it is that it lacks any kind of subtlety whatsoever. It does work with the lyrics when you repeat that she is wanted...about ten times, but there is a reason lyrics are accompanied by music and not left to stand alone. Most lyrics are repetitive, and for good reason. When reading your piece, I felt that the repetition of the fact that she needed to be wanted was starting to get on my nerves. Your style is really good, it's just the content that needs brushing up.

One word. Depressing.

It was well written, you've captured the essence of a loner very well, and it's interesting how you incorporated the words of the song into the prose.

As I read I got the was bombarded with feelings of abandonment, solitude and isolation all at once, quite the experience.

What I did find odd was her way in which she tried to get friends, I would have walked away too, not because I'm mean, but it would have felt awkward and to me, because I would have been a little weirded out by a thirty or so year old woman trying to talk to me, randomly. I guess some people are just not open enough.

The beginning was nicely written and your descriptions were stark, and easily visualised.

Good work. ENA, reviewers_found

L.L

Very sad, but well written story. I also liked the lyrics. It corrolated perfectly with the story. (: Great job.

This was a nice short. The emotions transferred in the story are easily felt and imagined. Mainly so at the beginning of the story where you describe her want to fly away.

The words you use to paint the portrait, give you a flinty, faint and weightless feeling. Like gravity has lifted you away, and you're floating with her thoughts. But soon after you find yourself falling by the thoughts. It's very empathetic and expressive, and I like the fact it was spurred from the idea of a song.

I won't add any additional words of how I think you should go further into the story, because not every story has to describe what happened entirely. And some things are better left at being a short.

~M.S.

u really fit the first chapter of ur fic to this song.thats awesome i just wish we knew more about Nadia, her life, etc. do tings change- what event changes this? does she decide to take matters in her own hands,go on a shopping spree, take speech classes etc. and in the process makes a true friend? Does she deal with the past with her parents? a lot of questions yah it shows how much i like this, my mind is plagued with so many questions. well good job!
tk care

wow deep, sad and depressing. she's 30 and no one ever wanted to talk to her. thats extreme even if she's not the blonde hair blue eyed type. how do u get that far in life without no one.

First off, please let me say that both the imagery and emotion detail in this short chapter is absolutely fantastic. Although this chapter is short, it is still very powerful in its impact. The pain that echoes though Niala’s character really makes me angry, especially at her mother. No one in this world is perfect. If everyone was perfect, life would be boring. Knowing this, I can understand why Niala prefers to live inside her dreams. If there was anything I would add or improve, it would be to add more background of what Niala’s life was like. What happened after her mother abandoned her by giving her up?

Please keep up the great work, and I’m looking forward to reading the second chapter!

Lady_DreamWriter (member of Reviewers_Found)

nice song, even though their not particularly my favorite band, but the lyrics go sweimmingly with the story, so I like it

wow, I love that description there. It makes the night seem so pretty, great job there, off to read the next

This was really good. I liked it a lot. You did a great job of taking the lyrics and turning them into a story.