ohmygod. i jut read your story this morning. i really love it. it is different from most of the stories on fp. i just wanted to tell you i thought it was really amazing... if i could favorite it twice i would. i think i sorta admire you for this story... i grew up in a ** town so i sorta related with the characters...sorry. this is really stupid so i'm gonna stop.

Excellent piece of work. If Elle/Kid were real, I'd be worried that she was certifiable, and probably depressed and suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, but she's a good character. The general theme of it is bittersweet.

You realize that 'cabron' means something along the lines of a cross between ** and bastard?

Goddamm.it, this story is amazing. It's three years old, and I'm just now reviewing the last chapter. I suck at life. I'm sorry I didn't review the last few chapters. There's no advice I can give at this point. All I can do is heap praise upon it. Heaps and heaps of praise.

These last few chapters wrapped everything up so perfectly, all Justin's relationships- Kid, Vera, Pete- everything came full circle. The romance between Justin and Kid was handled so incredibly well throughout the story, and it came to a beautiful climax. Their love scene was perfect. It is so incredibly difficult to write a good love scene without being overly smutty, without becoming too obsessed with the act of sex instead of the emotion driving it. You hit the nail on the ** head, though. It was sexy and hot, to the point I think you should write erotica for a living, yet extremely emotional and tender. There was nothing vulgar about it. It wasn't f.ucking; it was love-making.

The fiancé part could've been handled slightly better, I guess, although I don't know how. It seems sudden, but it isn't, really, especially when we think back on everything Justin and Elle have experienced together. And I love Justin's subtle transition from calling her Kid, to the much more intimate, Elle, as he finally accepts his feelings.

There are so many little details and nuances throughout the story that made it work so well. This world these characters inhabit seems so real. I felt like I was there, and I've never been close to anywhere like it.

I know I bashed the title of the story a long time ago. I never did like it. It just sounded like some lame anime. HOWEVER, after reading the last chapter, and seeing the reasoning behind the title, I now think this is one of the greatest titles ever. And that passage at the end, where Justin describes his love for Elle by comparing it to his experience on the airplane . . . Wow, Joan. Love is this thing everyone experiences, yet whenever we go to write about it, it always sounds so cliché. It's impossible NOT to sound cliché when writing about love. The feeling is too undefined; we can't quite get our grasps on it. We know it, we feel it, but you wrote about it as if you can see it and hear it and talk to it. The thing that's invisible to so many of us, you can see.

[When you sit next to her, you feel like you’re flying. Not in that way where your arms are out and you’re flying over the wet hills of England or some ** like that. It’s like, when a plane is pulling up and all your guts feel like they’re floating and bumping into each other. Her and that exhilarating smile of hers, flying up and down asphalt hills, or through another country on a sweet delivery motor bike, doing exactly what you want to do, whatever pleases you, where everything’s easy and smooth and even work or running for groceries is an adventure—Pete would know—Elle knows.] I've never seen love put it into words so beautifully, so realistically. You made the abstract into something we can see and touch with our hands, something we can all relate to and experience.

The whole story is sweet and cute and lovable, even while it cusses and makes racist remarks. It reads easily, plus it's incredibly entertaining; and, on the outside, appears all fluffy- Yet there's a lot of dark undertones. This is a gritty world, with flawed characters, REAL characters. There's a lot of serious subject matter, a lot of mature themes, yet it's handled very subtly. That's one of the reasons this story is so re-readable. Justin's voice, his personality, his humor, was always so enjoyable. He may be Holden Caulfield's distant cousin, but I don't care. I wish every book was told from Justin's POV.

Joan, I know this story is three years old. You may not care about it anymore. But this thing deserves to be shared with as many people as possible. You need to get this baby published in some format. Please. It's too good to just sit and grow mold on Fictonpress.

God, I've been raving like a lunatic this entire review. None of what I wrote even makes sense probably. If it seems like I'm exaggerating about any of this, trust me, I'm not. This is a genius story, the best thing you've written (that I've read, at least). Again, submit this thing again and again until it finds a publisher. Seriously.

wow. i mean, wow. this first chapter was pretty effing awesome. it's sort of like a more ghetto version of 'Catcher in the Rye.' or something. i dunno, but this chapter was amazing. "I'm so racist...but he's got an afro and everything." AWESOME. one of the best characters i've come across in a long time.
-zozo

I truly love this.

This story has so much meaning to it. I love how the perspective flows and the romance is relatable. Beautiful and poetic, and refreshing as well. Also, good literary allusions.

If this were officially published, I would buy it. :-)

There's one typo I caught - on chapter 2 Cisneros is misspelled.

I'm all f*cking teary-eyed from the f*cking brilliance of this story. It ** me off because I know that not many people would really GET it, but still, God-f*cking-damn. Bravo.

As a fellow writer and obsessive editor, I have got to say now, this is VERY cleverly written. Really, WOW. I'm impressed.

Whoa dude.
I've read that piece about the red sweater, and how that girl starts crying.

I totally remember it! (:

I'm sure I've reviewed before but I'll review again. This is hands down one of the best stories I've read. Online and in books. Your writing ability is astounding. The romance is real and honest. It seems like you've truly captured how love feels, not the overemotional, descriptive nonsense even published authors spew but just as this chapter captures: a slow building awe for another person. You put into words emotions in a way that writers have struggled to do. I'm finding it so hard to do this story justice with my review.

The only bit of criticism I can give is that the fighting sequence was a bit burred and I didn't really believe they could get away from the gang, in the way I believe the rest of the story. But if you took this to a publisher today, I'm sure we'd be seeing it in bookstores sometime soon...

[The hands of one guy on the pasty French-looking girl’s hips—halfway in.] What's halfway in? The dude's **? Or is Justin saying like, he's halfway in the room at this point? Be clearer!

[On the bed behind them. Tied, bound, stripped down to her underwear. The look on her face—red, bruised, exhausted, relaxed—growing wider with fear and anxiety. Gagged. Wrists straining, body bending.] M, I do enjoy a bit of S&M every now and then! It seems odd that Kid's face would be "relaxed" at this point, but I guess that's because they've drugged her.

[I craned my neck to let him know I didn’t hear him the first time.] See? There's that "craned" word again!

[An Asian girl with her hair cut horizontally over her eyes smirked as she walked out half naked. She squinted her eyes at me and quirked her smile. I looked away.] It really says a lot about Justin's character for him to look away like that.

[I started undoing my belt buckle. Kid started to unleash a muffled set of protests.] My eyes widened when I read this part.

[I kissed her neck. She gasped and wrapped her arms around me. I lowered in between her open legs and lapped up the sweat on her collarbone. She tasted like booze and salt and sour.] I was really surprised that Justin even managed to do this much in front of all these people. I mean, after all this time, and all his building emotions, his first sexual contact with Kid is when she's drugged and tied-up. It's pretty sad, really. It'd be even more f'd up if this was where they shared their first kiss. Usually you think of first kisses as being all romantic and memorable and stuff, and I just think it'd be so screwed up- and thus, incredibly awesome- if this is how they had their first kiss.

[Kid ran and sliced up those who didn’t duck, swiping beneath their line of fire faster than a credit card at The Gap. Red. She did an uppercut with blade in hand, slice slice, taking one gun, then two, picking off people in the room with one, two, three, six shots.] I know Kid has killed people before, and she's all, like, bada$$ and stuff, but I think her sudden transformation into Jet Li here is just way too over-the-top. And don't forget, she's still half doped up, so she shouldn't have the greatest reaction speed and coordination right now, especially to be dodging in and out of bullet fire.

I like that Justin and Kid are basically falling and tripping all over the place as they try to make their getaway. That's how it would be- like your feet aren't fully cooperating with your mind.

Overall, I like this chapter a lot. It's very well-written, from the opening scene to the end. I like the choppy descriptions in the beginning, as if Justin's brain is only able to compute one image at a time, like everything's cloudy and in slow motion. I also think you did a great job describing the gangsters and their interactions with one another and with Justin. Unlike the Three Wisemen bums from a couple chapters ago, these guys are actually realistic and talked in a way that was gangster-like without being over the top. The whole chapter was exciting and suspenseful. Cutty and his gang were creepy and unsettling; even the Asian prostitute chick with her snake-like writhing was disturbing. I had no idea how Justin was going to manage to save Kid and escape alive.

I also have my fair share of problems with the chapter, though- things that are just too unbelievable. I already mentioned Kid's sudden transformation into a Saturday Afternoon Action Movie Star. We readers don't mind suspending disbelief, but things should be presented in a way that's at least KINDA believable, and I don't buy Kid going all Kill Bill and slashing everyone up and stealing their guns in the process. You should make it more awkward and clumsy. I like the part where Justin grabs a gun and shoots, and misses everything and actually cries out when the gun shoots and the trigger pinches his hand. That awkwardness is what's believable. I'm sure you can find a way to describe Kid and Justin's escape in a way that the reader is more likely to believe.

The part where the gangsters are just like "Sure, Whitey, you can have this knife . . . surely you won't turn around and use it to our disadvantage!" is just way too convenient for our protagonists.

I like that Justin seems out of it during most of the chapter, because, afterall, he's in way over his head and he's going to have a hard time thinking rationally. I've never been in a fight or anything, but back in 9th grade, there was this black dude that sat behind me in Science class, and everyday he would make fun of me. One particular day I dropped my pencil; the black dude picked it up and broke it in half. I guess that was the last straw; I'd had enough. I threw the remnants of the pencil at the dude's face. For the rest of the class he sat there cussing me and threatening me and telling me how he was going to kick my ** after class. He was a member of the football team, and outweighed me a great deal, so I knew I'd get my ** kicked if I tried to fight him . . . So to even things up, shortly before the bell rang, I went and sharpened my pencil. He came up to me as the class ended, and I was pretending to put my materials in my bookbag, although I was really just standing there with my extremely sharp pencil clenched in my fist. He said a few words to me, pushed me, and I reared back to stab him ... but stopped. Then he was like, "Yeah, do somethin'!" and he slapped me in the back of the head. So, I did something. I meant to stab him in the eye, blind him forever . . . But unfortunately I missed and got him just below the eye, more on his cheek. After that, everything got weird. It's like my heart was beating a thousand times a second, but my vision and my mind was cloudy and in slow motion. I remember the black dude staggering backwards, stunned . . . I remember someone shouting "Oh, my God, he's bleeding!" And then the teacher grabbed me and quickly led me out of the classroom before the dude could react. I was suspended for three days, although I could have been kicked out of school permanently and sent to a "trouble school" if the principal had known I had MEANT to stab the black dude in the eye. Of course, I lied, made it seem like an accident. I said I had just been packing my bookbag when he came up and slapped me; I just happened to have my pencil in my hand when I reacted, and so I guess it had cut the guy. I got off lucky, really. And the black dude never said another word to me, ever, even though we had a class together the very next semester.

And that was a very long story to tell just to prove that, in situations like this, it's almost as if we have an outer-body experience, as if we temporarily lose control over our body, the universe slows down, things happen faster than our minds can compute. And thus, Justin's choppy descriptions in this chapter definitely fit the mindset of someone in a dangerous, life-threatening situation.

Being the perv that I am, something that really stood out to me was the image of Kid in her underwear . . . Yet Justin seems to pay hardly any attention to her lack of clothing- even at the end, when they're speeding off in their car, laughing like maniacs, even while they're still in their underwear. I guess a person wouldn't really think about sex in a situation like this . . . But considering Justin's pent-up feelings for Kid, I'd imagine that seeing her half-naked, even if she is bruised up and coked and in a room full of gun-toting gangsters, would be SOMEWHAT arousing. It'd be nice if he at least made mention of her figure, of her breasts or her panties or something. And even when he kisses her neck and is in between her thighs, he's very serious and platonic about it, as if it's in no way sexually titillating.

But for all I know they may pull over and f.u.c.k. like rabid monkeys in the very next chapter. I've got my fingers crossed!

Nice opening paragraph. The Unnamed City still seems too over the top. You describe it as if it's the most dangerous place in the world- but to someone like Justin, I'm sure it would definitely would seem that way. And perhaps it isn't too much of an exaggeration. A few months ago, me and a friend went and volunteered for the Obama campaign. They sent us to the extreme ghetto to canvas door to door. Of course, my friend and I, being naive white kids, had no idea that we were entering the most dangerous section of the entire county . . . It was quite an experience. At first it wasn't so bad, but as we got deeper and deeper into the ghetto (or, as I call it, "The Heart of Darkness"), I seriously began to fear for my life. All these 11-year-old, 12-year-old black kids were smoking weed on the sidewalks; everybody kept eyeballing us; pitbulls were barking at us; swarms of black people with crying babies in the background would come to the door when we knocked, sometimes inviting us inside, sometimes asking us if we had a joint. The only white woman we saw turned out to be a drunk prostitute with a black eye, who swore up and down that she was related to George W. Bush. Since we were supporting their candidate, I guess they decided to spare our lives . . . But, and this no joke, about two hours after we left, a man was shot and killed on one of the exact same streets we had been going door-to-door.

So yeah, I guess the Unnamed City may not be the exaggeration I originally thought . . . Although I still don't like all the "mist rising from the sewers" descriptions, just because it seems too Gotham City'ish.

[I steered and leaned forward, craning my neck over the dashboard] I guess when you find the right word, you should keep using it . . . But I've noticed you've used "craning" quite a bit in this story. I still like it, it's one of those words that gives the reader a good image . . . but you might want to start using it less so that it stays fresh.

[This question answered itself as soon as I hit the next stoplight.] I don't like sentences that start out with "This question answered itself . . ." It just sounds like something a middle-schooler would write, you know?

I haven't really been pointing them out, but one of the recurring problems with this story is the switching in out of tenses. That's probably the main thing you need to work on in future edits.

[He was cooing. I was staring. He looked at me. “The ** is your problem?”] LOL. Again, I like the rhythm here.

[Holy **. What did I get myself into? “The ** I do,” I said. I felt violent.] Justin's reaction makes me laugh for some reason. I like that he's getting this gangster attitude.

[I turned to see two cops with their thumbs in their belt loops walking real smooth up to the elevator. The younger one of the two tipped his hat. The senior nodded and winked, then the two officers headed into the elevator. I looked back at the clerk with raised eyebrows. “Don’t look surprised, you little twirp. They’re regulars.”] I think this is the first time in the story we've encountered any type of law enforcement. I guess now we know why the setting in this story has such a high crime rate- the cops are just as crooked as the criminals.

[I tried to look as casual as I could, but I kept rocking back and forth on my heels with my hands shoved deep into my pockets.] Another LOL image. The rock-back-and-forth-on-heels-while-hands-are-in-pockets is like the classic white kid action.

[I was about to become Swiss cheese.] Good ending sentence. You did a good job building the suspense, leaving us at just the right moment so that we can't help but hurry and read the next chapter.

So apparently Nazis have taken over Fictionpress. The character-limit is bad enough, but now I see they're censoring out curse words, too. What the f.u.c.k. has happened to this site since I've been gone?

[I looked everywhere. I swear to God, I looked everywhere.] I like that Justin repeats himself here, almost as if he's defending himself to us (or to himself). I certainly questioned his bravery in the previous chapter; he seemed reluctant to really want to look for Kid.

[trying to replay memories I’ve had with her—the places we’ve been. San Moreno, the mall, the Boulevard, the poor district market center] A colon would be really effective after "places we've been."

[Those’re places only her and I have went, not places where other guys would take her to deal her in.] "To deal her in" just makes the sentence wordy.

[A car honked. I blinked. The light was green.] I like the quick-editing rhythm here.

[It was that guy with the annoying new type of rap music blasting from his stereo—the one in the passenger seat that nodded at Kid.] I think I kinda remember this guy from much earlier in the story, but "guy with annoying new type of rap music" is still way too generic. It just seems unlikely that this one dude would've stuck out in Justin's head after all this time, especially considering how many people are just like this guy. I mean, I live in the country, and I still see "the guy with the annoying new type of rap music" anytime I'm on the road.

[He chinned me.] You're really great at coming up with these new verbs like "chinned" and "visored."

[The other one looked fat and vacant, and he kept moving his mouth as if he were chewing.] Yeah, that whole "chewing" mouth movement thing that homeless people and old people do creeps me out, too.

[I looked back at the street and remembered that on the day Kid and I were here, no cars were passing through. The only ones that are here are the ones that were here over the summer with dust, dirt and foliage collecting on them. Even some of their windows were broken into. But at that time her and I came, it was four in the morning] This whole passage feels clumsy and confused. It switches tenses, it's wordy . . . I think you'd be better off cutting it and going straight to Justin's questions about vehicles passing through. The reflection isn't necessary; we already know this city is a f'd up, dangerous place.

[I tongued my cheek.] This brings back memories of Kid and Justin from the beginning chapters, before everything started to get all serious. They'd often tongue their cheek because of the candy they were eating. I think it's fitting for Justin to kind of unconciously tongue his cheek just before he's about to go save Kid.

I really dislike the dialogue of the bums. You sacrificed every bit of realism for an attempt at humor. These dudes don't sound real. Instead of visualizing actual bums, I see Joan pretending to be a black dude, snickering as she says "Dayum" and "I'mma 'bout to get me some MickieDee's." (Although I have to admit that last part is pretty funny.) We're nearing the climax- the story is as serious as it's going to be right now- and yet here we have these cariactures spitting out over-the-top lines of dialogue that kill every bit of realism and suspense we've been building toward. The attempts at humor are too forced. You need to tone it down.

I mean, seriously, Johnny, Snitch, and Fo'Paw?!?! FO'PAW!!??

[She was still terrified and sat really low in the passenger seat so people couldn’t see her in the window.] This is cute in like a really sad kind of way. Me being all anti-social and all, I used to do this when sitting at intersections and other crowded places. And I don't mean when I was a kid. I mean, like, yesterday. LOL. And I really don't recommend doing this when driving, either . . . Anyways, I'm kind of surprised that Squirt still feels the need to do this even with Justin there to keep her safe. It kind of makes me think she doesn't totally trust Justin's ability to keep her out of harm. Although I doubt that really has anything to do with it. She's still a little kid, and she just witnessed a traumatizing event ... Of course it's going to take her awhile to get over it.

[But I felt like listening to the Oldies. I don’t know if that ** is hilarious when something bad’s just happened. I kept my hands on the steering wheel the whole time though to fight the urge to turn the radio on.] I don't really understand this. Does Justin usually find it hilarious to listen to the Oldies, and so he wants to listen to it now, just to lighten the mood a bit? I don't know. I find this part odd, though, and a bit incongruous with the tone of the chapter.

[I slowly looked at her. Her eyes were sad and droopy.] Aww!! Poor thing!

[“I’m scared, Justin. Move back home, okay?”] I think this is a really powerful line of dialogue.

[I think the Squirt was waiting for me to look at her, but honestly, I didn’t want to. I couldn’t. She got out a few moments later and closed the door. I could still feel her looking at me through the window. I drove away to avoid her eyes.] Justin's coming across like a pansy ** in this chapter.

This is one of those transitional chapters, so of course it isn't on the same level as the one I just reviewed. Not a big fan of this chapter. It serves its purpose, but I'd like to see it develop more of an identity. Right now it's kind of boring and cliche, you know what I'm saying? Like, I've seen a version of this same scene in hundreds of movies. Give it more personality to make it your own, to switch it up from the norm.

But like I said, it serves its purpose. It is what it is. I just think it could use more "Joan."

How old is this story now? Like, three years or something? And yet I still haven't even finished reading and reviewing it. How pathetic of me.

And I can't believe Fictionpress is now putting a word limit on reviews. WTF?!?! Since when did they start doing this crap?

Anyways, what's up, Joan? Did you think I was dead? Well, I have been. And I still am. But I've resurrected long enough to FINALLY finish reading and reviewing this kickass awesome story of yours. So, without further ado, let us begin ...

[Honestly, I like walking and taking public transportation a hell of a lot more than driving, but I’ve been having to do a lot more driving lately. I don’t know why. It's like, having a car makes running errands unavoidable and completely necessary. But this. This was a **' emergency.] Great opening, and I love the "This was a **' emergency" part being on a separate line.

See, this word limit is already ** me off. I was going to waste time by talking about how I relate to what Justin just said, since I still don't have a car or driver's license, and don't really want one until I absolutely need one . . . but I've already used over a thousand characters. And I've barely even started.

Whatever.

[All the sounds of my neighborhood rushed in. Ice cream carts and their bells, kids running, slippers flapping, leaf blowers. I saw Mrs. Summers rocking in her oversized chair on her porch as always.] Nice imagery; I really like the inclusion of the leaf blowers.

[and basketballs kept pelting my car because the kids are always running and playing in the streets.] Seriously, right?! And then when you interrupt their game they just stand on the sidewalk eyeballing you as you drive through. Once I do have a car, I'm slamming on the gas everytime I come across one of these street basketball games.

LOL. I love the back-and-forth exchange with Mr. Lee, the convenient store owner. You make fun of every stereotype, but it's hilarious. Love his dialogue.

[I saw the taco stand with the huge hot dog on the roof with a sign pulled over it that said: “GRAND OPENING.” That place is like, two years old, I thought.] There's seriously a store in my town called "Going Out of Business." No lie.

[In the waiting room at the hospital, I saw some guy with a bleeding forehead. His girlfriend or his sister was trying to keep him from falling asleep, whispering in Spanish and squeezing his hand every now and then. I don't know why it still sticks out at me so much.] When first reading this chapter, I found this particular passage a bit confusing. It should be including with the previous paragraph about Squirt blowing up the balloon. Even though I knew what you meant, for a few seconds I thought the flashback was over and we were now in the present with Justin looking for Squirt in the hospital or something.

[I always used make sure to lock myself up in my room.] Missing a "to" after "used."

[Seriously, what the **, MTV?] LMAO! This might be the line of the story so far. The whole thing with Katie and her "Sharon Stone" look, doing the whole seductive, Lolita thing, was superbly written, and absolutely hilarious, with just the right amount of creepiness/uneasiness. I love Justin's reaction to her. Also, great flashback about the sleepovers. Justin should've just had himself a little kiddie orgy and been done with it.

[Some mothers were bringing in their children, because it was getting pretty dark outside. And I looked like a sexual predator driving as slow as I was.] LOL! This chapter is hilarious! It really makes sense for Justin to say this, too, considering he's probably still thinking about Katie coming on to him the way she was.

[He put on a face of surprise and outstretched his arms the way black people do when they've made a slam dunk] LOL. You don't care about being politically incorrect or offensive, which is one of the many things that make you so awesome.

[My nerves were shot. I just cussed out a veteran who has nowhere to live. And he's in a wheelchair. And he has no legs. Jesus Christ.] This whole exchange with the legless veteran is hilarious, too. I remember the guy being mentioned in the early chapters, so it was cool to see him make an appearance.

[There’s only one place left. I drove into Kid’s neighborhood. The houses looked bigger for some reason.] I find it interesting that this is the last place Justin looks, even though he probably had a pretty good idea the whole time that this is where Squirt was hiding- especially after Mr. Lee revealed that Squirt and Kid have been stealing candy together. It just proves how reluctant Justin is to come face-to-face with Kid again, knowing inside how he feels for her, yet refusing to admit it to himself- Especially with his forced relationship with Vera, whom we know he doesn't really like. I guess it also proves that Justin feels confident that Squirt is safe as long as she is with Kid, considering he doesn't come here first.

[I saw the bike and frowned. It was on the lawn. I slowly got out of the car, and wheeled the bike into one of the empty car ports in the back] By this time in the story, the bike has basically become a character of its own. I mean, it's been there from the very beginning. The very first sentence of the story was about the bike. It's because of this bike that Kid and Justin met in the first place. And the bike has been a part of so many of their adventures. It was on this bike that Justin basically saved Kid's life, pedaling her away from the Unnamed City. If this story was ever published in book form, it should have the bike on the cover. It has become the symbol of everything Kid and Justin have felt/experienced.

[I walked toward the front of the house again and visored my eyes with my hand to see in through all the windows] Very creative verb-usage with "visored." I really like that! I'll probably steal it in the future.

[My breath blotched the window.] This reminds me of your description of Kid's arm when she was shot. You used this same word, "blotched." I don't know if this was on purpose, but it works really well here, considering that Kid is in danger again, just like she was then.

[She forgot to put the bike away,” she explained, “She told me to wait inside until she put the bike away] See? Everything in this story revolves around the bike.

[I hugged her again. My eyes were shaking, but my mind was blank. “**,” I said. It was all I could say.] Good ending to the chapter. There were a lot of great one-liners in the first half of the chapter, a lot of hilarious, politically-incorrect humor (my favorite kind!). But despite the humor, the chapter remains very dark. It's appropriate that the chapter takes place at dusk, considering the chapter has bits of light with all the humor, yet by the end, all the light has gone and everything is dark- Kid has been kidnapped; things are serious now. I think you did a good job of building the suspense throughout the chapter; we never lose sight of Justin's urgency, nor the fact that Squirt could be in danger, even if we're laughing at Mr. Lee and the legless veteran.

I went back and read all the previous chapters before reviewing this one. I still love the first dozen or so chapters the most, before things start to get weird. And I still think the story goes into a serious funk after Kid is shot. However, the story is officially out of its funk now. This chapter is awesome. I feel like someone else has been narrating the last ten or so chapters, but the real Justin is back! He finally sounds like himself again. This chapter has the humor and the fun, but it also has the danger and suspense. You strike a good balance here between the light and the darkness. Great job!

I haven't read beyond this point, but I can't believe there's only ten chapters left! Seems like a lot of stuff is gonna have to happen in a short period of time.