You're off to a good start. There's enough here to pique the interest of the reader as far as characters and setting goes. How far are you planning to take this? A series of short stories? Novel length? When you decide, you'll know how much detail to offer and where to put it. We'll need to see a little more background on the world you've created for these characters to inhabit. Looking forward to more.(p.s. - Ignore your critics and instincts and don't get in a hurry; the story will come when it's good and ready)

Sounds very, um...nondescript. Sorta-tough-guy, guy friend, girl acquaintance...I dunno. From one chapter, I can't tell what this is going to involve. You claim it will be battle-ful and action-ey, but so far it seems like a very...diplomatic sort of story (if that makes any sense at all).You said to be critical, but it seems fine to me. I don't think Aishya is a Mary Jane, mainly because I don't have an idea of her character yet. There are grammatical errors sprinkled all over the piece, which is probably my biggest complaint. (I know, lame...) It's very distracting to have to slough through misspellings and random capitallizations (unintentional ones), not to mention some confusing sentence structure. You may not believe it, but that's all I can find wrong with it, critical as I may try to be. I love the pink goo, and the way you described it clinging for a second before snapping. That was a very strong visualization bit for me. Please continue, and I may find some applicable criticism. For now, all I have is the grammar errors and some "nondescript-ness". I think you've cancelled it out with the goo, though. :)