I really like what you're expressing here. To be honest, though, I think that in this case, the brevity is damaging . . . I think this is a kind of statement you want to linger over. Even if you don't actually make it longer, perhaps consider adding some more punctuation, you know, commas, spaces between stanzas. This way, the reader can slow down and reflect on what you're trying to say. I felt kind of rushed through this poem . . . Maybe you intended that, but I felt like it was over before I got any insights or mood at all.

Even still, I like the imagery you capture while even using that imagery to point out how words fail before actual experience. Nice work! ^_^

~Anthony *Ceddy Teddy* Cirilla, your Brother Scribe