either you're an experienced writer or you've got a natural gift--your prose seems really polished. i'm impressed. but when the story first started there were so many names (not to mention they were confusing as far as gender goes) i couldn't even keep reading. perhaps you could slow down on introducing and characterizing the characters? that's just my two cents.

I enjoyed this very much. It was difficult to follow, but I think that's the point; you leave your reader 'outside the circle' and we get a better impression of the closeness of the characters. You have a real flair for dialogue.