Reviews for Brine and Wed - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Brine and Wed - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Process-Of-Dying 2006-09-10 ch 1,	abuseHello, its been a while since i've reviewed your stuff, but agian many well written works... i read many but only commenting on one so far, but this will be a comment on all i've read. They're all amazing writtend and put together. I've gone onto my fictionpress and added one new song i just wrote and rewrote all my old ones, and they are all new in one way or another, so go read them and comment
elegiac lies 2006-08-28 ch 1,	abusei really liked this.
Katterree Fengari 2006-08-04 ch 1,	abusewow, that's a curious poem...I love your format; I've never seen anything quite like it. I got halfway through the first part before realizing you were doing rhymes, I never expect it, they're really cleverly done. Is the quotation suppose to be the Reverend? I like the italics there. All and all, I get a feeling like the "somewhere" is a snotty part of England. Protestant or Catholic, I dunno, I'm Orthodox, so watch as I exempt myself.I love the stanza "Little gnarled shapeless hand,/ substitute for heavenly fingers,/ God's palm would probably/ evaporate in the muddy water but/ at least it wouldn't linger"; ...I have always loved the word "linger"...This poem...is very sharp...Oh, I wanted to say- the picture next to your profile reminds me of the last few lines of an T.S.Eliot poem...which I will now give to you: "I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.I do not think that they will sing to me.//I have sean them riding seaward on the waves/ Combing the white hairs of the waves blown back/ When the wind blows the water white and black.//We have lingered in the chambers of the sea/ By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown/ Till human voices wake us, and we drown."
i am pookie 2006-07-20 ch 1,	abusethis reminds me so much of the book 'the scarlet letter'. any form of humanity is condemned. you have to be as holy as jesus christ, as pure as the virgin mary. and that's impossible. great read. i enjoyed it.
Nobody-n-Particular 2006-07-13 ch 1,	abuseThe religious motif lends a wonderful coherence to the piece, while the assonance is pleasing to the ear and imagery very sound. Lovely diction and flow.
Mass Hysteria 2006-06-27 ch 1,	abuse"Child of mine you found me."That was very clever. I wear white (naturally,but it feels clinical)I really like that line. It feels a bit like you're juxtaposing religion and a mental hospital. All the people in the poem seem very weak, pale, confused... Creepy. I like it.
Aquafied 2006-06-21 ch 1,	abuse(Next Sunday we're happy toanounce the union ofMs. Serving &Mr. Unswerving-that made me giggle. this whole detailed and sewn event made me think even further. in fact, i have come up to a conclusion to suffice for my hunger in the religion state. religion is beautiful (sometimes) but it's not for me. not made or not tempting. temptation, isnt it easier to say "yes, i believe in god" than to say "no, god what?" i am not sure. i have little justification for my actions and probably will continue on in that manner (in other words. how are you?)
multiples of six 2006-06-17 ch 1,	abuseI'm impressed. Not that I "got" everything here, but something about it - and your other poetry that I glanced through - makes it seem really well-written, like publishment quality. There's just so much layering of meaning & metaphor. It's weird (but awesome) how the first part is narrated by the kid getting baptized but in a way that's all poetic and stuff. I'm not sure what point about religion is being made, but I'm reading - possibly between the lines, but yeah - some commentary about society, childhood & gender. Again.. I'm impressed. Nice work. =)
The Random Witness 2006-06-16 ch 1,	abuseHighly intriguing read. Riddled with some what cynical or sarcastic wisdom. Seems full of symbolism and description. As if describing exactly what one sees as their eyes wander over it all, yet there's also a touch of the omniscient. I've never read a poem with such a structure as this, Quite in awe actually. The ministers and reverend remind me of those of the BBC's quiet, country town folk, police shows. Where truth be told, the towns are not as sweet and they seem. This poem tears away the veneer of it all, especially toward religion. Although, whether this poems is wholly 'yay' or 'nay' toward christianity is debateable. Though materialism and the want for everyones blessing screams enough , in (II), to drown out the actual meaning to the wedding. "We think purely or we think not...but temptation never careshow far it has to walk." haha, golden Phrases that caught my eye.~TRW
xHannahx 2006-06-16 ch 1,	abusesome would argue whether it is possible to have a "passive" religious faith. surely then, that would be no faith at all? not that i believe it in any case. i like this - you always manage to astound me with your choice of words etc, and the subtleties of this are cleverly thought out. good stuff, Han.
breezy nostrils 2006-06-16 ch 1,	abuseinteresting perspective especially because, I myself am not religious. i love the imagery in this. very lengthy what's up with that? haha (kidding) nice work and keep on going!
emeraude-irlandais 2006-06-16 ch 1,	abuseThat's crazy, the 'child of mine' tie with I Have Yet to Find the Swan's "child, you are mine". Synch much? I love pieces that tell stories, especially ones with an uncomfortable veneer of religion resting lightly on the surface. I have an alliteration fetish, so "wading in the warp and weft" cemented an add to the favorite stories list. :) `~bella~`
Faithless Juliet 2006-06-15 ch 1,	abuseI’m thinking of lots of words about the substance of this: Thick, and Juicy with a splash of ‘Oh, My’ and a little ‘HeHeHeHe’ - but that’s the devil in me glowing on the outside. I think it’s strange that a lot of people are turned off by long/longer poetry. Not wanting to take the time to read it and understand it because of the length and the pre-notion that it will drag on, but I take the opposite view point (as with all things) I think usually, though not always, that length is so much better. I’d rather get wrapped around something than just have a glimpse (though sometimes glimpses are best) and that being said, I both really, really like that this is long, but also I think because you touch on so many issues, or corners of the same issue that it would have been more beneficial to what you were trying to say to divide it a little bit. You could keep it all in the same poem but chapter it or something to give each point the spotlight that it deserves. I. (A BAPTISMAL SERVICE, SOMEWHERE) -First I like how you’ve titled these (I & II, and both Childes) “A churchyard full of blame” You set up a very broad scene for something that doesn’t leave the actual church grounds. You have the baptism, and you have the wedding, as well as the interaction with the minister, and the people in the graves (do you see dead people Jack?) And the whole scope is beautiful; it’s very, almost black and white movieish. The line further down where you mention wearing white, and then also I was getting the feeling of gray stones, like this is a very old parish. One of the those century olds building that all us Americans would be so excited to see but you guys probably see them every day - I can’t even imagine the scope of jokes that you guys have for us Americans, us, with our ‘ows, and ahws.’ “Silk-wrapped maids with eyes/rolling in their graves” - So there are no dead men in the churchyard of yours. FEMININITY RULES! I like that, it’s interesting, I can’t imagine dead men being as fun as dead women. But, I guess it really is all about perspectives. “Spring is pricking the air,/it's a good excuse to be/nowhere near here.” - You have this subtle beat of rhyming throughout this, it’s almost like a ticking, and it comes from the most surprising combinations. “Thrust and shuffle of/sensible skirts and freshly crisp shirts/as the regulars draw around./I wear white (naturally,/but it feels clinical)” - Great keywords in here, I could see the sensibility of these clothes. I could feel the crispness. Smell the freshness. “And the muddy skin of the water/traces patterns of every sin I've/been introduced to.” - I could really HEAR you in this verse. Incorporating the water from the baptism and using it as a tool to picture the sin (of it all). I think sin is like breathing, you can’t avoid it, it was created and has been maintained for so long as a way to perpetuate a society that we as humans can never become. It’s my personal belief that because so many people are raised on the notion that by doing this one act you will be sent to hell forever that turns people into psychopaths and rapists. It doesn’t even have to be taught, you can never go to church in your life, never have one religious relative and still it’s bred into us like DNA. We can’t escape it. I think commanding acts like sex as evil is wrong. That birth control is evil. That human companionship is evil. It’s just all very frustrating to me. I guess, if I were queen of the world there would be no more sin; we can keep religion because I think spirituality is important but no more sin. “To reproduce/more unhealthy/holy/thinking, assuming I'll be/perfect after I resume/normal breathing.” - Really liked the impact of ‘normal breathing’ and ‘unhealthy/holy thinking.’ “My mind picks/the daedal scabs of/the unseen/sinful seams that/decorate me.” - I love the word ‘Daedal’ but its so unconventional that it’s hard to really fit it anywhere. It’s interesting how you say that your sin is unseen; a bit of a mask type deal. You perpetuate the act but you don’t show it, or you show it, but in ways where other people would not notice. “The noise of his unreliable/limbs arching me backward,” - I like how you point out how physical religion is. Like, that jolt of someone telling you that God is listening, or Jesus can hear you. It’s the most sincere form of mind control. “I'll hold your gnarled, shapeless hand while we/go there together,” - You explore this idea several times, the person with the gnarled hand. I don’t think you meant it that way I took it, but for me this is a strong metaphor for God himself. When I try to picture ‘him’ in my mind I always see a very old man/woman (does God have to have a gender? I always think of him (even though I still call it a him) as some sort of hermaphrodite.) “The water sucks in a deep breath/and the sound of childish gipping, loudly/fits with my delivery,/we're delivering together.” - Mirrors nicely with the next stanza about being remade. Though also a nice metaphor for birth, both literal and figuratively speaking. ‘We’re delivering together’ is very strong. “The Reverend (highly/respected, not laughed at/by the gossip silk-lined maids)/guiding me down,/so I'll be reborn, remade.” - Have you ever noticed, or maby this is just an American thing, but it’s always the most highly respected ministers who end up being pedophiles underneath it all. I’m using these analogies a lot, religion, it makes me crazy. CHILD ONE: “Of course you'll find a/footing, but personally I/recommend you stumble/for nothing” - As sarcastic as that sounds, I actually completely agree. “Mine eyes are on you/and I got you a crown./Silver and greenish,/like this Sunday you found/(that dipping in water/can pave out a frown,/mute the sound of you/screaming/aloud at)/me." - I really loved the buildup of these verses, but somehow ‘AT ME’ feels forced, it doesn’t quite fit in with the rest of it. II. (HOLY MATRIMONY) “Churchyards are a cageful of shame,/(Next Sunday we're happy to/anounce the union of/Ms. Serving &/Mr. Unswerving.)” - I love everything about this stanza, how it mirrors the others and Ms. Serving (my god, do I know women like that) and Mr. Unswerving (hello) and I’ve also seen them switched around. But those are the basic components that make up really ** relationships. “Her course is down the salty, stony path,” - Love that! “Irregularly thinking of the/shape of her waist (the men)/and the trim of her hip (the women)/and (both) deleting these thoughts./this is not what you were taught./We think purely or we think not.” - This is kind of what I was taking about in the very beginning about how you touch on two different corners of the same issue. I love Baptism and I love Matrimony but they are so different in texture that they don’t exactly complement each other when read simultaneously. I think you have two amazing sections in this but I feel like I want to take a minute, breathe, and turn the page before plunging into the next piece. CHILD TWO: “Too padded with the Bible to crash.” - There’s always that moment when you are so IN faith that you can’t see/feel/experience anything else without that outlook on. “You can see me without/needing to.” - Loved that ending; you shouldn’t have to look to see someone, you should find them without being forced to. Sadly, more edges of the human condition. That’s another thing my Queen Ship would accomplish - you could never judge someone for how they looked. So, it’s been forever, and a day, and a few hours. So how are? 18 huh - that’s a big one. I can’t believe your that young though, I mean we’re not too far apart in age but you appear (though never appearing) to be much older. You’re an old soul I suppose. I was so crazy when I was 18 too, I’m still crazy, but then, lordy. Thanks for all the reviews to, as always I appreciate them. And I know that a lot of my work is the back-story version of my life. My father is ill, I guess that’s the best way to put it, and seeing him, and taking care of him is bringing all of these suggestive emotions back into my life that are hard to deal with so I’m finding more and more of my thought process (which is the poetry process) exploring those things. I don’t know though, I feel betrayed that so much of my relationship with him has been tainted, like I literally don’t know anything about him. He is the most un-passionate person you could ever meet. Plus my car crash anniversary is coming up and I’m freaking out about that, and I decided to transfer schools, again. So in the fall I’ll be in a new location, studying (I hope, if everything goes well) some form of English or Creative Writing, which is what I wanted to do in the first place. So out with the bad and in with the good. Again, I really enjoyed this, I don’t think I’ve ever read a poem of this length from you so ‘go you’ for stepping out of your comfort zone. Much love,Juliet.
lavenderfoxdaisy 2006-06-15 ch 1, anon.	abuseyou're right ur view is definitely not passive! wow i see such a verging rage in this- how you've interwoven the images of religious customs and distorted them with a bitter-grim objection is fantastic! great use of language- love the format as in parts and the two distinct and powerful speeches you communicate to us. WOW. the daedal scabs ofthe unseensinful seams thatdecorate me. this is so poetic, distortionate, powerful and beautiful.
Katybuckets 2006-06-15 ch 1,	abusevery very interesting piece..

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