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| Crymson Tears 2008-07-02 ch 1,  | abusewow, it's so touching. I can't really express it. It's...tragic perfection. |
| pretentious fXXX 2007-12-15 ch 1, | abusei have a little sister and though we fight all the time, if something happened to her i wldnt know what to do...and my mum...she wld probably react the same way... that was very nicely written |
| MarvellousMarvin 2007-02-09 ch 1, | abusei love the innocence, and the futile hope. that was really moving. |
| marginalia 2007-01-13 ch 1, | abuseHoly Crap. I don't swear very often, pretty much never, but HOLY CRAP! That my dear, was intense. Very nice job. Quincy |
| special 2006-08-31 ch 1, anon. | abuseBeautifulbeautifulbeautiful. Gah. The childlike naivety, hope, innocence, and the whole story behind your words is woefully beautiful. You've touched and broken my heart. Keep writing. ;)allie |
| Hazeleyed Everglades 2006-08-09 ch 1, | abuseOh, god. That was so, so sad. The "D" word-- it took me a second to figure it out, (I was thinking "damn") but-- god, it's just so sad! I love your technique. It's in character and easy to read, but still sophistocated. |
| ADSpencer 2006-07-28 ch 1, | abuseOh this is so sad. It reminds me of how I felt after I had this awful nightmare about my little brother getting held to the bottom of a pool by a bully because I couldn't grab hold of him. Makes me want to cry. Beautiful writing. |
| Aquafied 2006-06-21 ch 1, | abusei think it's heartbreaking i find, no father and son gone.to college? to heaven? to hell? to nothing? questions, questions. |
| Shimmer of a Ghost 2006-06-18 ch 1, | abuseI like it. It's very self-explaing. It doesn't need a title saying the brother is dead or anything. Your writing does it for you. Best writing wishes |
| burning in effigy 2006-06-18 ch 1, | abuseLove it :) "You've gone to the land of/glow-in-the-dark planets" that's so cute and innocent... well, the entire poem is exactly that: cute and innocent... and naive. not really understanding, but realizing at the same time. that doesn't really make any sense. oh dear... well, excellent job! |
| TeaWithOnions 2006-06-18 ch 1, | abuseWow... this is so brilliant and awesome. "winsome sugar sunshine" "battering ram hugs" I especailly loved the blowing bubbles part, because you can imagine it so vividly and its so human. Great job. |
| Oriel Vaughn 2006-06-18 ch 1, | abuseIt's endearing, how this older sibling takes responsibility for his younger brother - like how "you didn't write - because I forgot to teach you how". And there's all that kiddy stuff like battering-ram hugs, toothy grins, stick-outy hair... and you have chao qiang vocab la. Swirly rainbow iridescence! I could just cry. Very good writing. [Refer to 'Inferiority' once more.] Is there some sort of irony in that "I guess I still haven't realised... won't ever bring you back"? As in, well now he's realised. You know for some reason "soapy film wobbling between my touching thumbs and forefingers" reminds me of Siheng xD I don't know why! |
| rinoa.celin 2006-06-18 ch 1, anon. | abusereli good! i initially was wondering abt the planets part of it but it made sense as i read more. Nice! ^^. |
| truth is subjective 2006-06-18 ch 1, | abuseThe breaks seem out of place, but the tone is homely and innocent, and the end really wraps the whole thing together. Didn't really like the word "frantically" along with a few other words, sounded like it didn't fit well. But very good idea for a poem! Nice work, write more :D |
| Inkling of Tears 2006-06-17 ch 1, | abuseso raw and beautiful... you touched my heart |