This is an interesting idea. I hope you do decide to work on it and flesh it out a bit more.

Hi...I totally think that this would make a great extended story.
The concept that you have of time is really great.

The otherly worldly descriptions are vivid and amazing to read, I admire your writing style and control of language, though I think in parts the descriptions were a little excessive you get away with it because it is a one shot- if you were to continue this and make it a chaptered story I would cut out some of the descriptions.

I like that this isn't that clear cut and you can interpet this in many different ways...Eda's bleak afterlife is so sad and horribly touching. I love the last line especially, great job!

Simply wonderful. Your writing is very poetic. I like the way you use dialogue; it's realistic and flows naturally. Your descriptions are fantastic, and let the reader see into the world you've created. And the storyline is creative, keeps the reader interested throughout the entire read. Good job on this :)

~carm~

omigod that was freakin awesum.. r u gonna continue it? its a bit of a weird concept if u think about it... still..

Wow. Death + Time. So - what happens next.

Intriguing. This is definitely worth pursuing...

It started to pick up when Eda started talking about not wishing to answer the voice because it would leech into her; that was when I was first 'intrigued'.

I loved the part about the magic sticks--the matches. And most of all, I loved Time--a remarkable character (and original personification of Time), I'd love to see more of Time, and an expansion on this story: more about Ladao and the Candle et cetera.

Alternate ending, eh? Post it please. And good luck with this.

Whoa. I am awestruck and amazed by this piece. It's beautiful, haunting, and meaningful... Wow. Simply increadible.

A few minute grammar errors, but nothing that takes away from the beauty of the story.

I'm flattered you commented in one of my stories now!

Wow. That was amazing. Goodness, I don't even really know what to say. Okay, I'll say this. I was captivated the entire time. You are a fantastic writer. By the way, thank you for the review you sent me for THE LESSON. About the ending, I think my point was leaning towards the victory of Life over Death, or Truth over Lies... I don't know. I think I was trying to capture the victory felt when an unbeliever comes to Christ. I don't know. Just in case you wondered. This story was wonderful. It was very well written. I applaud you.