I like poems that end with a interrogative.
The second version is definitely better.
But both are good! ^^

I'm glad you put both versions on. It's fun to see the changes you made :)

Great job!

~Habs

I agree with you. The edited version channels your thoughts more clearly to the readers.

What I liked about this piece was that it had a good deal of imagery. Fire erupting into the air to become a nice display of fireworks ... this thought leaves one with a sense of intrigue.

I love the way you got your thoughts across without writing out a detailed and lengthy poem. It feels like you have told us just about enough to make us get a clear perspective of the matter.

The concept of being burnt if you play with fire, and yet that is what makes the firework special is something new and fresh.

~ Misty Elizabeth (Bender)

P.S. - Sorry it took me so long to review. This was from the Review Squad. Uni just got over, and now I have a little time to myself. *sigh*

I liked the diction in this, the verbs were strong.

[someone's destiny is to get burnt]
Why's it "is to" and not "will?" Sounded sort of awkward, not sure if it's wrong, though.

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I liked this because I understood the message in it and it's very apt. Leaving the poetry part aside, I think you pose an interesting question, worth thinking about. Nice methaphor.

I found it a bit ackward that the second and third lines ended with the same word (or almost the same word). In the second version you changed one of them to ashes which I think works better.

Nice imagery with the colours erupting in the air, it makes me think of fireworks or something.

I liked the first version, if you changed that word to ashes.

Good job :)
s

whenever i play with fire,
i always get burned.

A great analogy
It's a very relatable piece
I absolutely loved how you ended it.
I read the edited version
And I don't know why
But I like the default better.
Hmm... call me crazy, I just do.

Well in your words
EXQUISITE work
:)

~Luna Turner

I like the idea of the poem but I think that they way the you have it broken up into lines is not working as a whole for the piece. It interrupts the flow and is distracting to what is being said. When first glanced at, it reads like there are words or phrases missing or the prepositions are not quite right.
~Sabriel Griffin

Wow. Way more descriptive words than in the first chapter. I like it.

The first one felt more raw to me. This version has been polished up, but for some odd reason, I don't find the first two lines as thought provoking now that you've changed them. No idea why -- as I've mentioned before I am not any good at analysing poetry.

I think, I can see how this one is better poem -- it's tighter and sounds more polished, but I liked the first one better. That's probably just me being weird, though, and both versions were really good!

Second Review Marathon review. Congrats again :D

WOW, you have some powerful imagery going on here. 'beautiful colors erupt in the air'. Wonderful, I loved it because it was so vivid. Similarly the first two lines are amazing because they're so thought provoking. I was just sitting here thinking, 'That's so true.'

Oh and the overall concept of playing with fire was tied in so well and smoothly. Great job!

Yet again I loved this piece. ^^ Peace.

First two lines don't match the following lines. Fiddle with fire + destined to get burned = cliched and almost childish phrasing. I kind of like what you are getting at though.

Hello, RM winner! Here's your second prize review!

I like the edited version a lot more (which is probably what you intended lol) because the word choice here is a lot better. In the other version, I thought "burnt" and "burn" were redundant, so I was glad to see you fixed that here.

I'm not fond of the summary, though, because I felt like you gave us TMI. The "playing with fire" part was fine, but I felt like the rest would work better in an a/n so as not to detract from the beginning of the summary. It makes it more mysterious. ;)

Like a tiny spark of thought
Light and floating beside your eye
Whispering silently, And quickly,

YOur mind may catch only a snippet of the speech
But it cradels it
And makes it your own

And the Spark may fly away
Float into the distance
Or fade from existance

But you caught it forever
Immortalized
on a sheet of notebook paper

...

I just wrote a poem in a review... I didn't really plan to do that... I liked your poem, it was really beautiful. I liked the last line best!

Did you like my poem?