FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| miss masquerade 2008-02-24 ch 1,   | This sounds like a really interesting story. Although it is kind of sad that a human is suspended in liquid as the core of a ship. Being god... hm... |
| S. Mushita 2006-06-21 ch 1, | I've read a few stories with the self-aware ship or machine concept, but this is definitely unique, particularly as the story, so far, is told from that point of view. Great idea!If I may, you have a phrase early on in the story: "For all intensive purposes...". Try this phrasing instead: "For all intents and purposes...", and see if that doesn't help the flow of the sentence. I look forward to seeing where you take this story. |
| pink.puff 2006-06-20 ch 1, | I really liked this chapter, when introducing a completly new world it's really dificult not to confuse some of the readers, I don't know about your next chapters, but this one was great.Since this first chapter was more of an introduction to your ideia I'm really curious to see where you are going with your story! Just don’t take too long to update. pink.puff |