This is a nice little piece. It really didn't have any flaws that particularly caught my eye. I found the last line "Because I think I’d feel better knowing that, even if I don’t get a new heart today, someone else will" over-sentimental, but not really detrimental. The narrative voice is pretty convincing too.

I really liked the concept of this story (okay, not the whole stealing a heart from a patient) but the fact that it's totally original compared to some of the trite stories found on site.

The opening line was a good hook and the language in the second was pretty basic, though there's nothing wrong with that- I think you captured the 'voice' of a fifteen year old girl.
I think that you didn't explore the emotion and dissapoint as fully as you could, but what would I know- I'm not a heart patient.

The last line about killed me though, very sweet!

I really like this story. It's quite believable and realistic, despite its unusual scenario. This really does seem like it was written by Angelina Williamson herself. The ending is a bit sad, but Angelina's charitable sentiment is lovably sweet.

Well, first off, I'd just like to commend you on the choice of your username. Anne McCaffrey is a brilliant writer. But anyways, moving on to the story.

I liked the sentence you used to start this off--your use of the figurative speech and Angelina's literal one is enjoyable. And also a nice deviation from the much-clichéd use of 'having a broken heart.'

Ordinarily, I tend to steer away from just giving details out like you do in the second paragraph--telling instead of showing, in other words. But since this is a one-shot, and a short one at that, I can understand your desire to paint the picture from the beginning and have done with it. It provides background for the story (otherwise we wouldn't know what you're talking about), so, in this case, it works.

Another thing I like about this little story is the voice of Angelina. She's not a fifteen-year-old sounding more mature than she is simply because she's in a story--she talks in regular teenage slang, and she has the regular teenage goals/dreams (i.e., cute boyfriend and all that jazz). I like it.

Wow. And there's the twist. Definitely an unusual scenario.

Again, reading on, I'm enjoying Angelina's voice. She sounds perfectly, utterly real, like any teenager plucked off the street, only she's in a story.

That really is unfortunate. Imagine the odds of one's heart being stolen by a gang of car thieves. Not very likely. Poor kid.

"He started talking slowly and in very short sentences. I’ve noticed that doctors do that sometimes when they think you don’t understand... make the comparison."--Definitely truth to that. A nice bit of insight from Angelina, spoken in her fresh, teenage way.

"It’s like when you take a huge test and you think that for sure you’ve failed it, but then you get back the results the next day and you see that you ended up with a B after all."--Same thing here--something we all feel, spoken in Angelina's voice.

And a great ending to the story. Again, that snippet of insight, spoken in a fresh way, is something we can all relate to. I really enjoyed this story. It's different, and you excellently use the voice of a teenager going through all the rigors of organ transplants to convey some deeper meanings.

So, all in all, I really liked it. ;) Nice job!

To be honest, I can't think of any concrit to give that hasn't already been given. The voice of the narrator was good - it flowed naturally and fit with her age. I found myself sympathising with her, hoping the heart would arrive even though it won't. She's not steeped in the layers upon layers of angst that some authors feel they need to pile on their characters to ellicit sympathy; she feels like a real person, a strong person. I found her reaction reasonable enough; like she says, she's too numb while writing this and tomorrow she'll be sobbing and shouting. All in all, an excellent little piece, moving but not angsty.

Has 'Sirach' gone away for editing?

That was a pretty nice short story. I like the dialogue and the plot. It was a very original idea, too. And I liked the ending.

I think that the narrator should have felt a little bit more desperate, but that's just me.

Keep up the good work!

Short enough for afternoon break reading, hurrah!

I'm just curious, because this story feels so 'rooted'--is Oconomowoc a real place? I'm guessing it is.

This really is a rather peculiar story. I think you did a great job with Angelina's voice--she sounds the right age. (Of course she writes quite well for a 15 year old, but no matter ;).

I guess I'm impressed the doctor remembered all the threads and details of the story that well when he wasn't directly involved and probably just got it through a phone call. Maybe a bit less linear narrative would make that bit feel more 'real.'

"Teachers to it, too, but not as much – and trust me, I’ve been in enough schools and hospitals to make the comparison." "do it, too,"

Other than those, nothing to pick at. I just find the tale a little strange...it feels so incomplete for a story, on the other hand it doesn't fit the 'it's good to be a organ donor' sort of tale. Just a rather odd slice of life that those of us that take our health for granted don't experience, I guess. =)