Wow is all I can say. I was so annoyed yesterday when Fictionpress crashed, but I finished it immediately today. Thank you very much for the story, although it got slightly confusing at times, it's still amazing none the less. Well done.

You asked for critiscism(yea i spelt that wrong) so here it goes. It kills me that even after I re-read the diologue a couple times and everything I STILL don't understand. I've noticed in other chapters that I've struggled to understand the point of the chapter and this big moment where Trick IS STABBED was utterly monumental and then all of a sudden he's all "JK" AG. I love this plot, but it deeply frustrates me. This is the most bi-polar chapter ever. Please, explain. I hate not getting this essential part of the story!!

AH! Finally! They kissed! Jeesh i was about ready to scream in frustration. Its obvious they love each other...I really want them to see it. Thank God for some progress!...
Okay now I'm done venting...great chapter...kept me on the edge of my seat. (insert goofy grin here)

Also forgot to add that at times I got confused with your characters and I've completely forgottne who Christy is. Do you think you could put a little summary of characters ie. Name, appearance, short description of perhaps listing 3 adjectives?

Oh goodness I've been reading this story until 2 in the morning for several days.Sometimes Helana copmletely annoys me, but then again it's realistic, because as a normal 17 year old girl, I would think everyone would be scared half to death and act pathetically... actually I'd probably be even more pathetic. :\ but anyway, brilliant story. The ending was much more light-hearted than I expected, not much of that emotional evoking stuff you had in your chapters, but it was still a nice end. It gives a good backing for a sequel too. Thanks for the entertainment and I shall be starting the sequel reading soon. I can't believe it took me so long to find this story too, I occasionally rifle through FP's stories, but I'm so glad to have found this. Seeya!

Second time reading because its so amazing and the only thing i have to say it GET IT PUBLISHED! Seriously its defiantely the right quality, apart from the odd typo, and i could see it becoming a popular published book. The only issue i have is with Jacobi suprising, and how his mood swings from one thing. Obviously some people are like that, but some things that he says and does just dont seem in character with the other things he does, for example the fact that he wanted to kill adam as a baby, but at other times he can be really compassionate and kind..Rat actually as well is like this, because he apparently killed a lot of his models, even those her were dear, yet in the end he warms up to Helana and he is protective of her?
I LOVE adam. He turned out to be my favourite character this time, i just love his character, epecially the fact that he works at a daycare center with children, and hes so strong even after all hes been through with Trick. i would love to know his story!

I love this story! I read it all in one sitting, it was so good. You're a brilliant writer, and I just fell in love with your characters. :) :) :)
-Cait

Wow, this story has taken a turn that I didn't expect. Poor Jakobi!! I was surprised that Bane pulled out a gun in the middle of a busy highway and shot it at Adam. Isn't he afraid that the cars passing by will see?

I feel so lost. I keep having to go back through the previous chapters because I can't keep all the characters straight. Ok, well not all the characters, just the sisters and the black belts. Think that's my fault though.

I can't understand why some of the events occurred, besides them being convenient to the plot. Like the sleepover at the school. Or why suddenly, the school asks Lucio to host a Halloween Party. Or why, the kids are taking a field trip to Lucio.

I also feel like, even though the chapters themselves are interesting, the story is a little slow? Again, it could be just me. Can't wait to finish it!

BTW: I think it was in the last chapter, when Pascal addresses the kids, it's "mes etudiants" not "ma", which implies that she talking to one female. "mes" means a group.

phew, that was long!!

I find it super impressive that you wrote this at 14. It's really very well written, you have great control over the voice and... I could go on and on! There are certain... aspects of this story that reminds me of Twilight but it's different enough, interesting enough, and written well enough that it still stands apart. Can't wait to finish it!

I liked it, but I never really knew how Terra became one of Rata's dolls.

What an incredibly interesting story! I have definitely enjoyed it immensely!

I love this story! But... we never did find out why Rat bonded with Terra! And i'm incredibly curious *hint* *hint* :P

oh! im liking it so far great start!

aww that was a very interesting story I just cant describe it overall I liked it :D