Reviews for Do you love me, father?

Reviews For: Do you love me, father? - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Written 2008-10-08 ch 1,	abusewow, that was CREEPY! I love the way all we get to hear is her words, but they flesh out the story for us anyway. it's a cool technique. the second person is also interesting. makes for a cool effect. well done! you could like, feel the hatred.
Amindaya 2008-07-18 ch 1,	abuseOh man, I just have to say: that anonymous reviewer "You know who I am ;)" is a total idiot...who, clearly, didn't even read the story. I mean, come ON. Vengeful father? Uh, no. Anyway... Even before I finished the first paragraph, I thought, wow, this would make a good monologue. I LIKE the lack of detail. It's significant to the piece. When people talk to other people, especially in moments of extreme emotion, they're not going to narrate like a Discovery Channel documentarian. "Oh, and now, as you lay there on that gray concrete in an abandoned warehouse somewhere in the downtown area of Chicago, I will kill you, father -- you with your brown hair and blue eyes -- with this decently-sized handgun." Puh-leeze. How do certain reviewers expect you to add that kind of detail without sacrificing the tone, point of view, and realistic dialogue? That review IRKS me. And I apologize, because my annoyance is in no way directed at you. It's LOVELY. Perfect amount of detail. Great emotion. Haunting. You got the point across. I enjoyed it.
concerto49 2008-02-20 ch 1,	abuseThis ended up being pretty strong - but to support, perhaps more details of the actual scenes - it was a little sketchy and all. It was emotional and first person to the point. Felt almost as if you were scolded as you read style.
SplinterX 2007-10-10 ch 1,	abuseInteresting monologue. I enjoyed it as it is, but a little more detail would have made this more memorable. As it is, the anger and pain are there, but detail would have told us more about the father, and more about Alyssa, as well as more about the main character. I like the angry, unforgiving tone of the main character and it fits well with the premise of this piece. Nice addition, and I'll be sure to check out more of your stuff.
white choc # 3 2006-09-02 ch 1, anon.	abuseuhm...i thought it was disturbing...but like the actual writing was really good!! :P
miss understanding 2006-08-05 ch 1,	abuseOh goodness. How creepy. I like how her rage builds to a horrific climax, ant then the anticlimax. I honestly expected it to end with him being shot through the head and her gloating about it. I'm glad ya didn't. It beats the cliche! (which is always good) Very scary. I got shivers. xchoco
Michaela90 2006-08-02 ch 1, anon.	abuseShivers. This made me feel cold on the inside. Brilliant, and terrible.
Insomiak 2006-07-17 ch 1,	abuseThat was different. And I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean, the whole 'killing the person who raped you' idea has been done millions of times, but the way you wrote it was different. :3 And better than a lot of half-assed atempts. :D
I Murder on Impulse 2006-07-08 ch 1,	abusei think it's rather sad...u noe how she kills him 'n all but overall...i think it's 1 of ur best
allyburner 2006-06-28 ch 1, anon.	abuseOK... well, first off, it's brilliant. And secondly, I have no idea what the prev. review was saying. I was so sure the person doing the dialogue (the 'I'), was the daughter, and the person she shot was the father, and the person he raped were the mother and daughter (i.e. 'I's sister). Who's the boy...? Hm... maybe I'm just delusional... but I do NOT agree with the prev. person. I mean, emmy, it's a monologue. Monologues are to be spoken. SO DON"T CHANGE A THING! A few stage directions may be nice though. Maybe you cud do this for ur yr 10 drama piece. :D WEll, yeah... that's it. and y didn't u turn up to school today? yeah... well, I agree with Minoli - definitely M15+. MA, possibly. - Ally B.
You know who I am ;) 2006-06-27 ch 1, anon.	abuseWell. This is kinda like finishing your homework at 9pm. then going to watch TV. You turn it on and it happens to be an action movie. The scene in the movie is where everyone is shooting at eachother and running this way and that. There might even be a grenade or two. It is exciting but it would be more exciting if you knew who the characters where, where they are, why they are there. It's mostly dialogue or thoughts. I'm a little confused. Maybe you don't want to sicken us too much. But the content is sickening for most people anyway, so there's no harm (I think) in going just a little further, just for your hardcore fans. :p Describing what is happenning would take in my attention more (as I wouldn't have to think up the setting). As a display of my superior intellectual stupidity, here I go:He opened the door and immediately recoiled at the stench. The smell was stronger as he let the door swing open, showing a boy(man?) tied to a chair. It was his son that was seated there. yadda yadda. He whispered into the boys ear. yadda. It was encrusted in dried blood. The man casually flicked the ear clean. THe boy winced. yadda. That showed how cruel the father is, and how much he hates to boy for raping and killing his wife and daughter. Maybe throw in a ciggie burn or two to give us a glimpse into why the boy turned out this way. Sum up: -go into the setting more. Is it in a room? WHat sort of room? Or is it in a van?-This is a the aftermath of something BIG. So I'd say, maybe you should give us the history (the raping and shooting) in little tiny bits between the scenes of a vengeful father.-tell us more aobut the actions of the characters and what they look like too. It would make them more real to the reader. I would be more likely to keep reading something that has characters I find interesting. THe actions of a characters would also let me learn more about them, make them more interesting. Good choice in subject matter and do keep writing. My life depends on it.
southern-star 2006-06-27 ch 1,	abuseWOW...sends shivers down my spinemayb u shud put the stuff in tht i told u to on msnit might work.ok thenkeep writing scary syuff lyk thisgood imagerymost riting don't scare mebut this doesok welli'll stop ranting southern~star
WCMW 2006-06-26 ch 1,	abuseWHOA...wow...hmm...I'm speechless, which is a very hard thing for me to be when it comes to stories, and I must say that wow...that was intense. I loved it. Was it a one time thing or will you post again?
Gracen Poe 2006-06-25 ch 1, anon.	abuseConcise,and chilling.Excellent work.
Abstract Butterfly 2006-06-25 ch 1,	abuseThat was slightly disturbing lol. It was very good and a good expression of emotion. I liked it alot. Good job

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