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| In Darkest Night 2006-08-06 ch 2,  | abuseI am contemplating hurting something if this story isn't continued soon...What with the emphasis and informing...you've set up the rest of the story very well, and now I'm dying to kno what the rest is! ;) |
| Gata De La Noche 2006-06-27 ch 1, | abuseHm..why am I getting flashbacks to the miserable summer spent reading the Wheel of Time? But, I suppose all inspiration will have some similarities to pre-existing works. Sound slike an interesting story, though I can't really tell right now. I'm not quite sure where the pplot is going to go, so it's a bit hard to predict. There are some grammar flaws. Parallelism needs a little help in places. "The Oseye was an old but powerful woman, one very much knowledgeable in the Craft and her Cha was immense." This, in my humble opinion, is a clunky sentence. perhaps The Oseye was an old but powerful woman, one very knowledgeable in the Craft and gifted with an extraordinary amount of Cha. That takes care of the parallel issue and the strange 'very much knowledgable' line. But, overall, not bad. I'm really not sure how far I'll read, since I don't typically read slash, but, hey, it was a good beginning. Interesting, though the constant repetition of his specialness becomes quickly annoying and redundant. I got that, so can we move on? It begins to sound like he's trying to make me feel bad about it. Arrogant, you know? Interesting idea. Pretty good so far. Nice turn of phrase at times. Slightly choppy once or twice. The only thing I would say is that I hope the entire story isn't going to be in italics. The letters begin to run around the screen after reading it for too long. Well, I'll be looking for more updates. Good job! Gata de La Noche |
| ShadesWithLove 2006-06-27 ch 1, | abuseSounds like a little like Charmed. I wonder whats an Oseye. |