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| shinco 2007-01-26 ch 1,  | abuseDon't worry, Shazaam, I haven't forgotten you! ^_^ It's just that mostly when I get on the internet, now, I cxan only work on school stuff! :( But hey, this was great! I can definitely relate to your feelings, and I think most people can. I saw the rhyme scheme, too, great job! And as always, hehe, GO SHAZAAM! |
| FunkyFlower17 2006-08-24 ch 1, | abuselovely imagery and rhyming. just one thing, did u mean 'accept' where it says 'except this defeat'? otherwise, pretty cool ^^ ~mez~ |
| Femme de Dieu 2006-07-08 ch 1, | abuseExcellent piece. So much about it that is good, it would be wasted white space to list it all...but I'll pull just this one sliver out... "don't stop my rage this will end tonight" I know it seems like one of the least lines in all of your wonderful metaphors, but I like it because it seems to embody the very reason for the rest of it. You want "whatever it is" to STOP...NOW. But then you go on to "admit" that you are "bottled in an endless war." How sad. I'm glad I've "rediscovered" you (from when you were onatopp). I'm happy to be catching up. |
| myalteredego 2006-07-06 ch 1, | abusethat's amazing. i can't even describe it well enough. i especially love the line "rainy weather smears an empty street". it's absolutely brilliant! ~Ama |
| Safira 2006-07-04 ch 1, | abuseI am coming to realise that you have a penchant for storms and wild weather, tempest surge. They are indeed quite reflective of the inner turmoil and rage a human being is capable of, and the occasional lack of clarity that comes with the moment. Nice rhyming structure although the poem is a bit awkward in some parts. In the first stanza did mean ‘scorned’ and not ‘corned’, and similarly in the fourth stanza did you mean ‘stare’ and not ‘stair’? I absolutely loved the lines “you and i are the same vengeful eyesore/bottled in an endless war”. It captures such a stunning image and reminds me of those models ships encased in a bottle (sorry, not sure what they are called), weathering stormy seas in a world of its own. Autumn. |
| simpleplan13 2006-07-04 ch 1, | abusewell done.. i love the description |
| forgottenxxfreak 2006-07-03 ch 1, | abusevery well written ^_^ dark yet soothing for me..i like thunderstorms. "rainy weather smears an empty street, two flickers emit temporary daylight, skies roar to life i missed a heartbeat" my favorite park :) good job. |
| Arcane D. 2006-06-28 ch 1, | abuseA very interesting piece... I specifically enjoyed the rhyming pattern "a-b-a-a" with each stanza, except I noticed the last stanza being rather.. abrupt (especially the last line). Though, I thoroughly enjoyed this peace and I look forward to your next update. - Arcane Devices |
| breezy nostrils 2006-06-28 ch 1, | abusesplatters against the window turn downpour - reminds me of a thunderstorm. nice imagery and rhythm. |