*happy sigh* wow. The first sentence of this chapter is *gorgeous* :) Wish I was there lol.

I have to say again how much I love this story. Your ideas and your writing are really engaging and entertaining and wonderful. Have you considered trying to get this polished and published?

So much cleverness in this chapter :) I was laughing all the way through.

Mariel put up that most impenetrable barrier, the teenage girl’s huff. (heehee)

For these very reasons no fanfic individual worked in their world of greatest desire except under extreme testing by individuals not flooded with hormones. (rofl)

Love Constantine calling a halt to the madness at the end there :)

*happy sigh* This story always thrills me when I come back to it :) Favorite parts:

Though--all right, the creation of time and intelligence are the fabric of the universe. When you write, even fan fiction, can’t you feel that you don’t entirely make it up. The story is beyond you, like you’re watching a movie in your mind’s eye and only documenting it. You know this?” (I totally know this feeling)

Now the ‘seekers would have to be careful to not get caught up in a Quest and slide into the sequel (heehee)

I love the first paragraph! And this:

A hawklike shadow made by the animal dragons of this canon rippled overhead.

Constantine rounded the needle-decked knoll (nice turn of phrase)

She looked up at him from behind entirely clear glasses when Constantine approached, and he knew that she was not fiction because he could not discern the color of her eyes. (heehee this is really funny)

Nice chapter :)

I'm back :) I'm thrilled to have time to read again, and that this story is finsihed and I can read the whole thing!

This chapter has such a delicious cadence to it. The last line is my very favorite.

I've finished at last! Excellent story! It ended nicely, with all loose ends tied up. Fabulous story and masterfully written. I loved the concept and I absolutely love the world and the characters. I believe that you are truly an exceptional writer.

I like this chapter a lot. I thought it was very amusing when Kaythe smelled the pretzels and thought it signified something. I very much like your usage of odors in this story. This chapter is a very nice contrast to the fantasy settings of the previous chapters yet you retained the style and tone that makes this story so fascinating.

I'm still reading this, although my progress is slow, I'm still trotting through this. It's not because its not a good story, I'm just very busy. It's a great story. I finally understand what's going on and now I'm caught up in the action. I really like this world that you've come up with, the world of the plotseekers. It's very creative and I think it's very original.

The story is becoming clearer and clearer. I just wish I understood exactly what was going on. But I feel like it is coming. Your characters are really becoming fascinating. Mourn kind of has a jedi thing going. It is a very interesting read.

Good, character development, I think. I am not sure exactly what is going on, but I can tell already that this is a very original story.

I'm beginning to understand a little bit better what is going on. I must say, you are handling exposition quite well. Probably not very well as I don't understand completely what is going on, but I'll hold off judgment for it's only been two chapters.

As promised, I'm reviewing one of your stories. This first chapter is interesting, and I'm not completely sure what's going on, but that's probably what you want. I was completely confused when you said that the guy had a tail between his shoulders until I realized that you were talking about his hair. It's looking good so far, and I'll definitely keep reading it.

Ack! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to review; my alert-thingy isn't working at the moment so I hadn't known you had finished until I came back to read it all again.

Very nice way to end it; congrats on this being your first official novel! This was your best chapter in my opinion -- fantastic, even.

Keep writing,
Alya

Hm, well, it's sad to see the story end, but since there's more to the series, I shall compose myself and wait patiently for part two... or whatever you decide to create next.

As far as I can tell, no real glaring errors, grammar or otherwise. What a way to end! Thanks for keeping me and fellow readers entertained! ( :: )

YUCK - "Failed romance plots"! Definitely not something to think about right after dinner. Caught a couple of typos but, as usual, nothing too serious. Lint and coupons for Logic, huh? Interesting.

Okay, another touching back to the real world sort of chapter, which mind you I don't underscore. I thought the pacing was done well, but here are a few notes (mostly grammatical):

- "...but had been [to] excited and focused on his goals or the ..." [Should be 'too', just a small typo]

- "Constantine wondered at how rarely the average person faces death[, about how a tiny fraction did] compared to those who lived in books" [I personally would take out everything within the brackets; you're just repeating yourself there.]

- "...because of the extreme[ly] low profile he was capable of keeping..." [Either case works, adverb just seems to make more sense in this excerpt.]

- "Under a full yellow sun brightening a dirt lane between neat hedges they ran" [Seems a little awkward to me, mostly because it's preposition after preposition. Either change the setence structure so they aren't all bunched together or describe the setting in more than one sentence.]

- "Slowly and with pitiful screeching the sunbursts faded, those which had not yet fallen to the ground [ad] surely as those in pieces on the turf." [I'm fairly sure you mean that all the sunbursts, on the ground and in the sky, started to disappate until there weren't any left. The thing that threw me off was I didn't know if you meant that typo to be 'and' or 'as'.]

Otherwise, all is well! Next two chapters, please! ( :: )