Holy hell... they say you have talent? You have a metric hell of talent! Ahh, the envy, it burns like mad.

I like this story. It was a bit confusing to me at first, but that may be because it's seven in the morning while I read this and my brain's not up yet.

I notice you didn't hesitate at dying children as so many authors I see do. You didn't give it a perfect, happily-ever-after ending, either. Nobody was brought back to life, a person got taken over... I like this!

Another thing I enjoyed about your story was that more than one point-of-view was put into the same bit of text. It's not... how would you put it... biased, text. You have inspired me, my friend!

By the way-thanks a lot for the review, it made my school-deadened morning.

Keep up the fantastic-as-all-hell work!

I can definatly agree with you that there is a lot to this story. In fact I find myself both intriged and kind of creeped out (but in a good way). So PLEASE write on!

this is a very intresting story, you seem to be good at making a powerful image in only a few sentances and pulling the reader in. I like the way you played the story out, keeping the reader waiting until the end.

i hadnt read the earlier version of this but still hoped it would be a novel bcos all the info cramped into one chapter could definitel have been expanded into a novel. i liked it a lot, the suspense of what was wrong with the stranger, where he was from etc.Although im not sure i understood it all the first read. ill probably read it againIt was hard during the switches from present to past (i think) or just a switch of locations maybe spacing it out in different chapters instead of the ~ thing would help

While the writing itself is good, with vivid descriptions, the story itself is a little confusing. I have to agree with the last reviewer-this didn't necessarily need to be a novel, but it could have been longer. A slower pace would have left more time for the reader to become connected to the characters, and made the plot less confusing.

Well, Gryphon, no denying it -- you've got talent, especially in this genre. I liked the story a lot and thought your treatment of the scene in the pillared hall was beautiful.

However, I felt that the story would have benefitted from a longer length. More description, more information about the characters, more about their world, more about the nature of the mage's power, more about the nature of Johanna's power, et cetera. I'm not saying that it would be right as a novel -- I'm not quite sure that there's enough to merit an entire novel -- but I think more information would be very, very good.

I look forward to reading more of your stuff, and as I said, I really enjoyed this.

NO! I had longed for a full story...*tear trickles*