Reviews for Butterfly Fish - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Butterfly Fish

BeastofOblivion 2006-07-14 ch 3, anon.	abuseOMGOMGOMG that is so freaking awesome. Just the characters, scenes, detail, interaction, just EVERYTHNG. And you had me tearing up with joy and sadness at the end, there. ;_;
Gracen Poe 2006-07-11 ch 2, anon.	abuseGreat title. Normally,I stay away from first person narratives(I find them droll and overused),but the initial tension in the opening lines of Chapter one held on to me. I found that one to be more compelling than the second,but it was also well done.There were a few stylistic things that,perhaps I wuld have done differently,but by and large you did a good job of setting the background while making it seem like neither a grocery list of events,or a history lesson.Well done. Keep up the good work.I look forward to reading more
kelsi bones 2006-07-04 ch 2,	abuseI understand this is only a dream-fic, but I think you could turn it into to a whole story. A great story at that. The plot line so far is very interesting. I look forward to the next chapter. Katrina
Kimber 2006-07-04 ch 1, anon.	abuseI definitely like how you ended the chapter... suspense! Also very cool scientific name for the butterfly fish! I don't think your characters are cliche at all. After all, I haven't read enough of your story to know what your characters are like. But about the man with wings, I honestly don't see the problem in writing about one. That's just like complaining that one of your characters has dimples or something.I wish I had dreams this cool!
Robin Siskin 2006-07-03 ch 1,	abuseI dislike the way you introduce the butterfly fish at the beginning. It makes it sound either like you're starting this piece in the middle of another story or expecting the reader to be all 'omgz butterfli fish wth is it?' which is sort of a bad way to try. It's too early for me to be making assumptions about the quality of the plot, but as for the characters, they feel rather generic. The narrator I've heard talk a million times before; the boy with wings, Ark, I've seen in a million roleplays before. Part of writing a story is not letting yourself succumb to the entertainment of a 'Gary Stu' type character, and while you may not have thought he was a Gary Stu when making him, he seems pretty generic and Stuish to me. So you may want to get that checked out. This site can be helpful in editing characters: http://w.onlyfiction.net/marysue.html As for anything else, I couldn't say. It's too early for me to be making assumptions, as I've said before.

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