Reviews for The Bullet - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: The Bullet

kloun mannequin 2007-12-21 ch 1,	abusethe description is good, gives powerful meaning to the poem,
Julian Henleth 2007-04-17 ch 1,	abuseVery interesting poem. I think this felt like a 3/4 poem, 1/4 story type piece though, and that it should feel more poetic. Overall, I dug it though. Thanks for the review on Road Blues, my idea came partially from the song Roadhouse Blues and partially from an old radio play by Orson Welles, I can't think of the title now though. Keep writing man.
Lowell Boston 2007-01-15 ch 1,	abuseThis is good and has a lot of potential, but I believe you are telling more than showing. I would suggest to distill this down and remove needless words to make this more visual and poetic in its structure. Perhaps: (an / indicates a line break incase the word wraps don't translate in this review) The Hammer strikes./ The primer explodes,/ releasing heat, igniting powder/ (carbon, sulfur, and saltpeter)./ In a shock wave it is gone/ leaving the barrel of an Uzi/ near the speed of sound./ In this example I've tried to pare down your poem to a tighter whole. Notice how I've removed the word 'gun' and 'bulet' because it is implied in the body of the poem. This also ads mystery to the piece, hopefully inviting the reader to continue. Sub-machinegun is also removed because the word Uzi already implies it as well. Hope this helps. Take the above only as a suggestion. Thanks for posting.
Gilded Coins 2006-10-21 ch 1,	abuseHmm, very original and vivid. I could clearly picture each moment, as though following the bullet's journey in slow-motion. I like how you wrote it in a sort of detached way; it gives more emphasis to the insentience of the bullet and makes the penultimate line sound crueler, harsher. The only problem I can see is numerous typos. In addition to the ones mentioned in the previous review, the last line says "isd" instead of "is"; "shockwave" is two words (according to my dictionary); and in line five, you seem to have left out an "it": "as if __ carries..." Overall, I liked it very much. Good job.
Spidery 2006-07-06 ch 1,	abuseThis is a really unusual poem, but it's still great. I like the uncanny subject matter and the message at the end. There were a few typos though. The most noticeable was where it said "Uzi submachingun" instead of "Uzi submachine gun", "insdtant" instead of "instant", and "itsa" instead of "its". But it's still an awesome poem.

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