Don't take this the wrong way, but I wouldn't really class this as a story. It's more like a fictional report written more animatedly and descriptively than normal. If this is what you wanted, then it certainly makes a sad but interesting read. If not, you might want to consider adding in a bit more detail and dialogue. It has the makings of a really good story that I'd really like to read. I'm just not sure you did it justice in this particular version. Nicely written, though. I like your style of writing.

Sad. Well written though.