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| xx-cronopio-xx 2007-08-10 ch 1,  | abuseHm. There is much potential in this poem, which could be improved by simply going along with the original flavor of the first two lines ("steel" and "ethereal" are neither concordant rhythmically, nor true rhymes, but they fit together nonetheless) and not trying to adhere too strictly to a pre-established rhythm. (For example: consider putting "the" in front of "horse" in the third line). Also, I would suggest substituting another word for "enthrone" in the last line, which seems forced. I love the line "ivory towers of porn-star remorse." The first two lines kind of remind me of Emily Dickinson. Write on! Adieu, Kat |
| Hemlock 2006-08-07 ch 1, | abuseWhoa. Just, whoa! |
| Prevaricate 2006-07-29 ch 1, | abuseThe ending does seem rather abrupt and unfinished, but the second set of lines is simply fantastic. The imagery of medieval gallantry, with horses and ivory towers, coupled with the phrase "porn-star remorse"; brilliantly written. |
| sleeping Pisces 2006-07-23 ch 1, | abuseAs your other reviewers have stated, this sounds like an old poem with new words. I'm more impressed with this than I was expecting, which annoys me. I very much enjoyed the second verse, or couplet, whatever lingo you perfer (forgive me, I'm new to actual poetry). As your your challenge, I'll attempt a non-haiku. Peace, Daze |
| sylvia's syndrome 2006-07-23 ch 1, | abuseI’m going through and reviewing some of the work of the people who have listed me as a favorite author, as a small way of saying thank you. So here’s your thank-you review! This is incredible. I love the casual rhyming, the startling images, the lingering feeling of older poetry, and the modern flares. And you used one of my favorite words, “ethereal.” Poems don’t get much better than this. Keep up the good work! |
| crazy dog events 2006-07-10 ch 1, | abuseou are one of the few (if not the only) on this site that writes rhymig poetry that I can actually enjoy. Awesome, this was. |
| With Rhyme and Reason 2006-07-07 ch 1, | abuseGood, until your final couplet. I was a little disappointed with the "stuck-up/erupts" slant rhyme. You can do better than that! The rest of the poem is SO nicely rhymed-for the love of God, not many poets even know the word "ethereal" let alone how to rhyme it with "steel". Your imagery here is gorgeous. It's reminiscent of the great poets of our time. But you add a modern flare with "porn-star remorse". Intensely interesting. Nice job on this, but I'm standing firm with my opinion of your final couplet. Envy. What a deadly sin. J |
| Bomee 2006-07-07 ch 1, | abuseexcellent line From ivory towers of porn-star remorse very very creative |