|Reviews for Secrets of the Silver Moon|
| diamond-dust08 9/16/06 . chapter 5
quite a short chapter, but a good one nonetheless. the introspection of Sakeya was actually well-done and gave a nice recollection and background for his and General Douglas' relationship, as well as the latter's prowess in combat. damn, 64 people in 2 minutes; that's some good battle ability.
great chapter, but i'd like to have more soon. because you're in my author alerts, i'll be keeping watch on you if you do decide to update. XD
| diamond-dust08 9/16/06 . chapter 4
hi TigraEmpress i'm back!
hmm. nice development, and another chapter that once again answers a lot of questions. so Sakeya really wasn't human; well, he looks human, but he ages slowly so that he looks just like a teenager. put that way, it makes sense, so thanks for clearing this thing up.
Fafnirn (nice racial name, btw) is a fairly original concept for a race/ethnic group/whatever you call them. while other fantasy stories tend to have races with some kind of magical power or physical discipline, Fafnirn are instead aboriginal natives with extraordinary health and longevity, which is something that i think other authors in FP (and some published authors) at that have developed fully like this one. i like it.
the argument between General Douglas and Sakeya was okay, but it seems too drawn out, and that they were like talking from a pre-arranged script. that means, they don't have much personality in this chapter-or even through all the chapters so far-as they sound like they were just the different sides of the same person (no difference in nuances, no unique speech pattern, no unique style of elaboration and etc etc). in short, they lack personality, compounded by the fact that Sakeya was originally designed to be a close-mouthed, taciturn person, and yet here we see him talking profusely. also, because both of them are so bitter, they tend to rub off on one another's traits so they seem so... alike that they feel as if they're the same person talking.
aside from this gripe, i will move on to the next chapter, and i hope you can still find the time to update again after two months of hiatus. the story is too promising to just be unfinished.
| diamond-dust08 9/15/06 . chapter 2
hi TigraEmpress! DD here. it's weird; i know i've reviewed you before, but apparently not. so i will take the time to review all your chapters currently up, but i'll break it up into several reviews so as not to tax myself too much.
Sakeya is a he? his name sounds "girly". LOL, never mind that, i just wanted to note that. XD
interesting prologue; short, but really nicely written. now i'm off to the first real chapter in hope the intrigue in the intro would be carried over to the succeeding chapters, or hopefully even better.
okay. do you mean that? sixteen hours of eating. it's like he was eating some kind of meal that would fill an average-sized house; that, or he was nibbling at the food one morsel at a time. sixteen hours is nearly three-fourths of an entire day, and i dunno how he was able to accomplish that. what is he, some kind of non-human?
so his name was Arrona. another "girly" name, LOL. but never mind that again.
OMG! so the boy was Sakeya. hmm, interesting development.
"Sakeya lay in deep thought." wrong tense usage of 'lay', which should be "laid" in keeping with the past tense that you're using.
"Yet, despite his youthful appearance, Sakeya was perhaps as old as this man to his right, who looked to be in his late twenties". i dunno if i can't think straight because i'm sleepy, and tell me if i do, but this seems contradictory. is Sakeya in his late twenties? if he was at that age, it's a little bizarre that Arrona's mother refer to him as a "boy" and that he was a friend of Arrona's from school (who is himself just fourteen). and who was being referred to here as having a "youthful appearance"? is it Sakeya, who looks to be just fourteen when in fact he was in his late twenties as well? if this is the case try to rephrase this clause as it leads to confusion.
Sakeya finding this man was like finding some sort of soulmate. LOLX.
"The guy caught some good trout, though". trout are exclusive on bodies of freshwater (rivers, streams, lakes, etc), and they don't live in saltwater like the sea. "coast" specifically meant where the land bordered the sea, and there was no mention of the fisherman going to a river and catching trout for the general and his men. "bank" is the equivalent for a river's 'coast'. this is a logical loophole so you might want to change trout to another type of fish, or rephrase it if you meant Arrona's "old man" found an enemy fleet on the river (which turned to be just a fisherman and a few bits of flotsam LOL).
an okay chapter, a bit long but there was a lot of events here so i think it was justified. there was some ambiguity on what Sakeya really experienced (and his real age; we know he was in his late twenties, but why the heck was he treated as if he was just a kid? even if you were very youthful you'd still show age, and there's over a ten-year difference between fourteen and the late twenties last i checked.
i'm on to the next chapter.
chapter 3 had some clarifications on my questions of the previous chapter, so i'm inclined to give it praise even if it was not half as long as chapter 2. was Sakeya some sort of humanoid, but not exactly human? his hometown of Fafnir points to this speculation of mine-maybe he's a dragon or a giant! LOL-but i think i will be reading the rest to find out more.
there were some isolated incidents of confusing wording, and the flow of the events was somewhat disorienting as well with all those seemingly-random events. by random, i meant for example you had a good opening, but two chapters into the story there was no indication that it even happened, or did it happen at the end and you kind of went backwards. i understand that it isn't finished yet and i'm just halfway through, but i just had to mention it. the events seemed to have no reason at all that they happened, like they did so "just because", or if they have one it was either unclear or negligible-the few times that a good reason was stated was quite a bit confusing. the plot is still virtually invisible at this point on in the story because even with all those events transpiring there was no immediate goal for the lead character.
but aside from that the story has no fault at all; your style elements are simply gorgeous, with vivid descriptors and well-done layout and physical structure. the grammatical syntax is very consistent and perfect, and you have none or a few typos that i've spotted.
i will continue reading this story either later or tomorrow, but for that i will be snapping you to my author alert list. this story has potential, even if you hadn't updated this in over two months. it should be high time, i guess, to make one. XD
hoping to hear more from you, and remember to keep writing!
| Samantha M 7/23/06 . chapter 3
This is very well written. I love it and I'm dying to read more!
| Raven Wolfmoon 7/8/06 . chapter 3
Hey! Wow, your summary really caught my interest. I love the beginning of this story, but it's only got three chapters! ( I like it a lot, and I would definitely read it if you update! I want to know more! And your writing style is awesome...I love the imagery in the first chapter. Hope you write some more!
(I'd appreciate a review for my story too, Violet Eyes. Thanks!)