Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating.

What I particularly love about this story is how mysterious it is- it makes you stop and really think about what it's saying. Some people would argue that that makes the story confusing, but I think it's an amazing quality that's very difficult to achieve. It takes finesse.

Anyway, I also love your action sequence- it's gory but VIVID. You can almost feel it happening. Your writing style is cool, it reminds me of the old fashioned suspens-y style, but with more description and color.

The only thing that throws me is how much you start sentences with 'the young man'- it could block your flow, especially at the beginning.

Aside from that (me being picky) this story kicks **.