Reviews for The Bane of Rendsberg Part I

Reviews For: The Bane of Rendsberg Part I - Reviews: Page 1 of 7

Lea Knight 2008-10-03 ch 1,	abuseThis is very interesting - a good introduction. The style is a little awkward, though. The sentences are choppy, and sometimes there's little correlation between one and the next. As far as content goes, though, it's a good story.
rossdavidh 2008-08-15 ch 1,	abuseNice opening. The only thing I would do differently is take some of the opening "data dump" and sprinkle it through the rest of the story. It's a little bit much to read before we get to the first event. Which is probably a result of me being a modern short-attention span reader, but then that will be most of the audience, too. Anyway, it gave us a good feel for Jethro's character and sympathy for the kid, so pretty good for an opening. Good job!
BlatantLiar 2008-07-06 ch 1,	abuseWow, that’s pretty good! Being a rather geeky young teen, I instantly spotted the non-dnd-koboldness, but hey, German folklore is cooler than DnD. I really loved this phrase ‘A distant anxiety ate at him. He knew there had to be a balance for the blessedness that he had experienced with Johann. In many ways he feared what this new child would bring.’ A nice sense of foreshadow. I love the fact that the kobolds have such possibility for character because they… Aren’t human? That probably makes more sense, but for me it gives them more freedom, because they’re new, with their own culture and traditions. This line ‘ “But father, he is still himself, and I love him as my little brother . . .” the blonde complained.’ Seems a little too shallow for me, the word ‘complained’. Maybe for Johann it’s not as big a deal for him as it seemed to me he was… Anyway, it's good. I'll read more when I find some spare time.
M.R.Sanner 2008-05-05 ch 8,	abuseHmm do I detect a bit of foreshadowing ? Lol , good chapter . I haven't sat down and read this story in like forever , sorry about that . Anyways ... I never notice before how stunning Lucifers character is he is a very deep ,perplexed and well developed character . You can honestly tell that have you have put a lot of time , effort and consideration into Lucifers character .You could of created a typical Gary-Sue (that is basically 95 percent of all male characters on this site) but nope you didn't instead you created this wonderful dynamic character that changes with each reading . Ok enough about your insane ability to create dynamic characters , and I shall talk about this chapter . After it being a nearly a year since I began this story I could still easily pick right up where I left off and I still enjoyed it as much as when I began . It is really touching ,and a bit naive , that Lucifer still wants to find his brother and family even after all these years and that he took Hans under his wing . He is no monster . Good chapter and hopefully I can kick my lazy ** into gear and read the next chapter soon . M.R.Sanner
Ramona122003 2008-04-21 ch 1,	abuseI like how you begin you story and I have only have a few nitpicks. First, I am not too familiar with German folklore, so they are some concepts that I am confuse about. You describe Jethro as a normal Kobolds, but I have no reference to compare that to. I am not saying to put it in the story, since it will slow things down, but maybe you can add it in your notes at the beginning of the story. Second, I know you have been told this before, but I have to agree. Cut down your paragraphs a little. Those giant blocks makes it kind of ** the eyes and makes your story less approachable. That is just my opinion on this, of course. Good work overall and I will look at the rest of the series when I have the time:)
Kittie Darkhart 2008-04-13 ch 12, anon.	abuseThis was a rather nice conclusion to the first part. I enjoyed the Preetz family; I hope Lucifer and Hans crosses paths with them again. As for Hans wanting to remain with Lucifer. That was a little surprising. I know he is suspicious of Lucifer, but I suppose his guardian would now be more of a paternal father-figure for the young Hans. Anyway, 'tis glad I am to know that Lucifer will soon see his brother and sister again. While I think Johann will welcome him, I am a little hesitant on Hannah. I recall her not being that close to Lucifer in their youth. And now that he is vampire, she may even be more forbidding in his presence. Of course, maybe she will overlook the customs as Madelyne has. I suppose I shall have to wait and see in the Part II. Again, wonderful chapter. I really like how this first part concluded. And to think of it, there are seven parts in all! Brings much pleasure for reading! Until Part II, then!
Kittie Darkhart 2008-04-13 ch 11, anon.	abuseOh, that was an aptly described fight scene! I wish I could write one so well! Anyway, I was wrong in my assumption of the entity being a vampire. A shadow creature is actually more impressive in my opinion. So, it was connected with the pendant? Hm. That is interesting. It does certainly give credence to its bejewelled eyes. I could honestly see the thing in my thoughts: a great, formless, shadowy creature with ruby eyes. I wonder if the other pendant Hans's aunt has harbours one of those creatures, as well? Undoubtedly. Did she not die, too? I thought she did. I will have to go back and check. Anyway, another brilliant chapter, as always! And it seems that I am reaching the end to the first part. Well, it is onto the final chapter for me!
Kittie Darkhart 2008-04-13 ch 10, anon.	abuseI daresay I am all curiosity with this 'mine.' Indeed, if Lucifer is suspicious, then so am I. As for this pendant of Hans' mother's, I feel it may hold some sort of significance, as well. By the way, Lucifer's curiosity may get him into some trouble one day - er, night, rather. I wonder if he will uncover any mysteries the cave has to offer? But now we come to the chapter's close, and Lucifer senses something. I wonder if it is another vampire, perhaps? Lucifer's sire? Oh, I simply must know! Well, it is onto the next chapter, then!
Kittie Darkhart 2008-04-08 ch 9, anon.	abuseI fear I may only have time for one chapter tonight; university is quite demanding of my time this week. Anyway, I again enjoy the emphasis on Lucifer's terrible sense of direction; however, there is also his unnatural abilities that have yet to be fully tapped. I had never really given it much thought about how natural elements - particularly fire - is affected by the presence of a vampire. I know that water will cast no reflection, but the fire changing from red-orange to bluish-green does have a supernatural tendency to it. I recall a similiar incident in Tim Burton's version of the Lengend of Sleepy Hollow where the midwife's husband is as if warned by the fire that someone - something - terrible is at the door. Perhaps the otherwordly does have that affect. Anyway, it is interesting how Hans in beginning to suspect something of his friend. He is truly beginning to notice that something is different about his kobold campanion. I do wonder how long it will be before he discovers Lucifer's secret? Also, it seems that Hans is beginning to be more comfortable around humans. The reference to his preferring human cooking over Lucifer's got a bit of a half-grin. The instance with the horses was also cute. However, I do wonder what shall happen when they reach Hans' home and after? I have a feeling something terrible will be there. I may be wrong, but this idyllic happiness cannot last. At least, not completely. Again, another enjoyable chapter! I think I do, rather enjoy these descriptions, even more than a chapter being solely written with dialogue.
Kittie Darkhart 2008-04-05 ch 8, anon.	abuseI assume that, judging by the rubble, the mine collapsed? But perhaps it is something more than that. Some things are not always explained so easily. Anyway, glad to know that Johann and Hannah are still, possibly alive. I hope Lucifer finds them. As for his powers, I like the idea of his grasping the earth and concertrating on what lay beyond the rubble. That was some nice imagery. Perhaps he can somehow channel his brother through their bond? I really want to see Johann again!
Kittie Darkhart 2008-04-05 ch 7, anon.	abuseAnd so it appears that Lucifer is about to begin another chapter in his life - er, un-life, I should say - with another kobold. Hm. Well, it seems that he shall have a protégé now, to teach and confide in. The poor fellow has not had one of his own since Johann. I do wonder if he will see his older siblings again? I suppose I shall have to read and see. Again, another excellent chapter. The sentence structure flowed rather nicely. Really, your prose are very good, as is the dialogue. Anyway, cannot wait to see what is next! I fear I must sate my curiosity with another chapter!
Kittie Darkhart 2008-04-05 ch 6, anon.	abuseAw, this was a rather poignant chapter. Not only does Lucifer begin to gain the approval of the farmer, but he has to watch as his master and mistress age and die. And it seems that my suspicion proved correct, after all: I thought his mistress was pregnant. But how unfortunate it is that she shut him out after having a family. Oh, well, he was still enabled to look after them. Overall, very nicely done. I must say that this chapter conveyed a roller-coaster ride of emotion. I cannot say which was the most empowering! Ah! Anyway, I suppose it is on to the next chapter!
Kittie Darkhart 2008-04-02 ch 5, anon.	abuseWell, I will say that your writing has certainly engaged me in this chapter! Honestly, very little dialogue was needed to convey the overall chapter. I truly enjoyed it! As for Lucifer, he seems quite content in his new life on the farm; as it seems that the farmer is actually taking a liking to him; or, at least, accepts him. But it is strange about his mistress' behaviour after being so close to him. I have a feeling that she does not want him to see her for a reason I shall not disclose. At least, not now. Anyway, another wonderful chapter, as I shall try to continue reading tomorrow!
Kittie Darkhart 2008-04-02 ch 4, anon.	abuseThis was a most wonderful chapter! But really, I had at first thought that everyone would turn him away. It pained me to see him being rejected by the town - and most especially the children. It would have been interesting to see them accept him, as he so wanted to be part of their games. Strange thing about his growing, though. Indeed, vampires of lore usually do not age. I also noticed that the crucifix does not bother him as it should. Perhaps it is because of his innocence? Anyway, 'tis glad I am that he is finally accepted by someone! However, it is doubtful to last. I have a feeling that his sire will catch up with him sooner or later. Oh, well, enough pondering, as I am off to the next chapter!
Kittie Darkhart 2008-04-01 ch 3, anon.	abuseWell, those dark, cloaked figures of the dead seemed rather daunting; and I am in concord with Bane: punishment really does not sound all that pleasant. I should have caught that "human" being a vampire; the clues were there before me! Ack! Oh, well, now Bane is one, as well. But I wonder if there was a reason behind his becoming one. Apparently, his dark hair has not cursed him at all - or at least, the hooded figure said as much. Should I trust him? Hm. I shall presently hesitate on that. The part with the rat was, indeed, quite graphic. However, one could not hate Bane for it; the poor child felt guilty for killing it to survive. That certainly merits some esteem in my eyes. And yet, I wonder how Bane will survive. I daresay I hope he finds his sire; and thus, understand why he was made into such. Anyway, I shall try to continue reading tomorrow. I think with two to three chapters a night I should get through the first part within a week? And then it is on to Part II!

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