|
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| -imaginist- 2008-03-31 ch 2, | abuseThis is very well-researched. So well that I read on for the sake of learning more. |
| The Abstract Dualist 2007-05-02 ch 6, | abuseWow. I love this. Are you a published (as in, book form) author? Because you could be, I think. |
| Corkscrew 2007-04-01 ch 16, | abuseThis is certainly an interesting story with a very clear agenda. I like it at times and other times I find myself kind of...bored. It's slow going at moments when the pace was just picked up. I the symbolism and metaphors dashed everywhere in this. However, I think you could benefit from not having to explain every single piece of symbolism or point out the ironies. It's like you're trying too hard to say: "Hey, look at this! I have Celtic references here! Aren't I smart?" Readers (most, I assume) who start to read something this in depth and highly politicized, aren't THAT stupid. They don't need their hands held and pointed in any direction. If someone can't figure out who "Daedelus" and "Icarus" are and their appropriate connection...well, maybe they shouldn't be reading something like this. I do like your characters. You describe their zeal and beliefs well enough where a reader can actually care about what is going on. They are human, which is nice to know. They think and feel and want and sometimes make mistakes. I also enjoy the narrative flow--it all streams together. I almost can feel the "6th degree of seperation" with each character. It has a "Babel" quality to it, in terms of this. It's a good start. I'll definitely read on and I suggest you read back through it sometime. It's always so much better to read it again, then you pick up on things you might have missed, ideologically and grammatically. Keep it up! Definitely worth the read! |
| Haku 2007-03-10 ch 47, | abuseNice chapter. Please tell me that Sergei will get his come-uppance before things are through :P |
| Kreen 2007-02-17 ch 42, anon. | abuseTranshumanism in South Korea sounds interesting. I did some research, and seems like you draw your inspiration from real news. Then again, that realism's the theme of most of this work so far. |
| Shorthand 2007-02-04 ch 1, | abuseI can't believe I'm reading literature of this stature on FP! Have you ever considered publishing? I could see you being the next George Orwell! How about screenwriting? Ever tried it? This kind of material is exactly what producers are looking for - they want another success like The Matrix or V for Vendetta. This story is worth so much more than this website gives it credit for. You need to get yourself out there! Man. You got talent. -Elisha |
| Kreen 2007-02-03 ch 37, anon. | abuseYou know, Janus rocks. Both figureatively and literally. |
| Haku 2007-01-08 ch 31, | abuseNeat stuff. However, by the time you mentioned "Delta Force", I started thinking of Chuck Norris...and now, I've started picturing Helios as being portrayed by Norris...oh joy... |
| Narc 2007-01-06 ch 1, | abuseThis is good writing, and very well thought out. Unfortunately, it's not really my cup of tea. I'll give some technical advice, however. "As usual, there was plenty of things the White House was not telling public." Should be 'were plenty of things'. "If there is mindless activism, can there be any “intellectual activism?”" Should be 'If there is mindless activism, can there be any "intellecutual activism"?' - minor change there I really like the last paragraph of this chapter, how you tie everything together into the titles of the chapter and the novel. Good job, for the most part. I know a lot of people who would really enjoy this. |
| Haku 2007-01-05 ch 30, | abuseWell, looks like Gunter's been buggered sideways by his current situation. My only criticism is that, due to the fact he's been portrayed in previous chapters as a meticulous and secretive individual, he would probably not have given the game away by yelling out "My crossbow!" when Sergei mentioned the found weapon - although, it's understandable as he feels stongly for his guns. Other than that, pretty good chapter. I await to see Ian being beaten up by BNP thugs :P |
| Haku 2007-01-02 ch 29, | abuseBloody hell..these guys mean business. Looks like it's crunch time for the Network. Operative Four/Helios seems to be a more trustworthy individual...or at the very least, his heart's in the right place. |
| Caedesis 2006-12-25 ch 18, anon. | abuseI think the part where Eric tells Brian that Helios has an obsession with the number four, is not in Japanese, it's chinese. While I am positive that shi is the word for four in Chinese, Japanese is probably bound to be different. Sorry, if I'm wrong. |
| Haku 2006-12-10 ch 23, | abuseThat ending was fantastic. Entirely possible, yet wholly unexpected. Good sense of tension as well, especially when Gunter sees his reflection in the gangster's knife-blade. |
| Edcrab 2006-11-26 ch 1, | abuseAh, now it's all falling into place... I'd agree that the guys seemed a bit too "safe" to begin with- despite, you know, the fact that the enemy are goddamn psychopaths- but now that little earth-shatterer has certainly shaken things up a lot! And to think I doubted your pacing :p Incidentally, Joel = win. Traditional Ed demand time: MOOREE! Picture me shouting it like a ravenous bear. Or just a drunk, whatever. |
| Kreen 2006-11-23 ch 22, anon. | abuseInteresting plot twist. Now I reread it, this was hinted at for a while. |