FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| MSTK 2006-11-12 ch 2,  | abuseI like the direction you're going. You seem to capture the main character's "teenage angst", and how it seems sometimes that firm logic and reason can never sway an adamant father's decisions. The situation is realistic enough that you might feel that you don't need to add more description about your environment, where you lived, the income level of the neighborhood, etc. Right now I can see this happening in any neighborhood, from the slums of NY to the penthouses of the OC. Maybe a little bit more exposition or active description would be nice. You also seem to lead towards the passive voice, as opposed to the active. It might sound like semantics, but I've found that it can make quite a difference. Other than that, great job. I look forward to reading more. |