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| ahhzombies 2007-06-22 ch 1,  | abuseI love this story! It's very creative so far, and I hope to be seeing more action between the main character and Derrick in the future. And the main character sounds a little like me - I always seem to be left home alone during thunderstorms.(: Love it, update soon! |
| Jessica 2006-08-03 ch 1, anon. | abuseits beautiful! update! |
| UnhappyPeople 2006-07-22 ch 1, | abuseI really like this. Your writing has energy, wit and a good sense of pace, with characters that are both realistically flawed and likeable in a quirky kind of way. I especially liked the "street across the live" bit. The only parts I could criticize would be that you shift from past tense to present (although you seemed to settle on past tense in the end) and you haven't really described your protagonist or Derrick's physical appearance, although the reader gets a good impression of their personalities. Keep going with this, you've got me hooked! |
| ASevenWrath 2006-07-17 ch 1, | abuseWhoa, totally cool story!! It was really good for your first try at fantasy too. ^-^ Hope to read more! Please update soon! |
| coolestguyintheworld 2006-07-16 ch 1, anon. | abusei think i read this before...oh yeah!hehe...it difernt from ur old stuff, and better because of the less dialouge...not that im saying dont let anyone speak...but comparing this to ur old stuff...u can see a change for the better in ur writing. yay! |
| Lethe's Oblivion 2006-07-16 ch 1, | abuseas always, it's fantabulous. i expect great things from thee, young grasshopper. =] maybe i'll actually get around to finishing a story, eh?update soon, kinker =] |
| k wills 2006-07-15 ch 1, anon. | abuseUm i really enjoyed it so far. i just love your stories. they're also witty and sarcastic and i like it how your characters always have some of your characteristtics. muy excellente! |
| Exodus Beginning 2006-07-13 ch 1, | abuseThis seems like a very interesting story. I was kind of afraid to read it at first. The summary made it sound like it was in second point-of-view (which freaks me out all together), but not only was it not, but it was also very good. I think the chapter could use a few more descriptions in it, but other than that, great. Keep writing! |
| forever with dusk 2006-07-13 ch 1, anon. | abuseyay! i like-y like-y. =) update soon i wanna see what this place looks like! nd who chase is and i really like that title o i had an ephinany the other day about him but ill tell u later just cause i dont wanna spoil a possible story line...thought i think i may have done half that job already. =) so yea, i think that's it...o! nice title! (i finally got the 6/30 thing...i thought it was the time...hehe so silly) |
| ashlee 2006-07-13 ch 1, anon. | abusewow! that was niice!! lol...i really liked it. derrick seems cool...i really want to know what he looks like and the girl too! Whats her name anyway? is this like a narnia open fuse box to world thing? hmm...interesting! i street across the live...i liked that the most ^_^ |
| LostMaiBrain 2006-07-13 ch 1, | abusewow. It's awesome, hilarious, and realistic. I like it ^^keep going with it |
| Nemonus 2006-07-13 ch 1, | abusePretty interesting. Your antagonist seems a fun character to ride a plot with, so I'll read on. Your prose is good, description also, though I'd like more physical description, of the people, and a locational tag like what country or year it is, at least. Continue! |