"Mist" should remain in the first line, and then the poem flows more smoothly. The content is intriguing.

I wish there could have been more imagery in this, though it must be difficult to get your point across with only sixteen words *shudders*. Just a question: do you really write your poems in cursive? If so, you are a better person than I...my cursive's deplorable. xD Sorry, I know that's random. bella