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| J. G. Scott 2007-03-18 ch 2,  | abuseNice story, it was virtually error-free! Just to be picky, however, if you say 'when he was 3 and she was 2' there's no need to say 'respectively'. But if you really want to say 'respectively', you should say 'since they were three and two, respectively' and have a little sentence before it where both their names are mentioned, and his name comes first in the sentence. Oh, gawd, I hope any of that made sense. Other than that, it's all okay. |
| tawnyfawn 2006-07-13 ch 2, | abuseOh, the pain of unrequited love. Hopefully not unrequited for long, however. I have my fingers crossed. ^^ The problem is that even though Rachelle is our heroines “enemy” in love, I still can’t bring myself to hate her. She seems like a genuinely nice person. … But when I say that’s a problem, I actually mean that’s a really good thing! It’s refreshing to see a character in this scenario (the girlfriend of the love interest) who isn’t a completely skanky, air-headed, mean bimbo. It seems that most characters are like that, and as much as it makes it easier to hate them and root for the main character, it also isn’t very believeable. As much as we’d always like the heroine to be clearly able to come out on top, it isn’t very realistic and sometimes realism is good. I mean, obviously this is romance, and romance can essentially be considered “fantasy” sometimes, but you get what I mean… ^^; This story is good because it’s believeable. Also, I like the themed chapter and story titles… Very clever. I mean, I know it’s not very important, but I just thought I’d mention it. ^^; Anyway, as I’ve said, great job. I really like this story so far. (If you wanted to read my own story and give me some tips that’d be nice. ^^) Can’t wait to read more, keep it up. ^^ |
| tawnyfawn 2006-07-13 ch 1, | abuseGreat first chapter, I really like it. I can't believe this story hasn't gotten any reviews yet, it's really good. ^^ Anyway, I like the characters so far. The next-door-neighbours-best-friends-since-childhood deal. So sweet. ^^ And plus, this doesn't seem like JUST a romance story. I mean, as good as those are, subplot is good too, and I like the sound of this one: the domineering perfectionist mother. And this is really quite hilarious too. I love banter in stories, especially between love interests, but banter at all is good and you write it so well! So good job. “You know, you’ll miss me.”“Like a flesh-eating virus…" I loved this line... There's just something about flesh eating viruses... =P Anyway, I'll go and read more now... |