Oh my stars. This is so beautiful, I felt like I was right there with him. I also like how his thoughts are mixed in with her telling him "please don't"...it's like he's arguing with her and himself at the same time.

I'm going to stop rambling now, but gosh, this was good!

Oh, most poetic prose. It...shimmers. I try to view this as a fiction piece, but it shows itself more like a poem. That's okay, because it's elegant and beautiful, and we really get a sense of the character's pain. You do an excellent job revealing him as a human in a very short expanse of time.

Wow. There's lots of emotion in this, and it seems like a very plausible reaction to death. Great job!

Some great imagery here "fresh bruise on the face of the earth rises". Very powerful. Keep writing your own stuff, it will get easier, I promise :)