|Reviews for Freedom Island|
| Alice's Pendant 6/11/10 . chapter 2
The opening of this chapter was pretty good, but that went downhill by the end.
Maybe I just like to see long paragraphs on the screen, but I thought there was too many single lines towards the bottom.
Sure, the anxiety was evident, but the lines...
Overall, not bad!
Just make sure you use more description!
| Alice's Pendant 6/11/10 . chapter 1
"This was where I WAS going to die."
| SForces 5/14/10 . chapter 3
You could describe your opponent a little.
I have no idea if he was skinny and short, tall and muscular, or just really fat. Would help create the realism affect
Twentieth line: threwe himminto should be: threw him into
Twenty fourth line: nthem should be: them
Twenty fifth line: leasder should be: leader
Twenty ninth line: pain should be: paint
Forty second line: andf should be: and
Fifty second line: ast should be: at; trhough should be: through
Fifty sixth line: stopoing should be: stopping
Fifty eighth line: houises should be: houses
Sixtieth line: anywhewre should be: anywhere
| SForces 5/14/10 . chapter 2
First line: snanke should be snake
Third line: whbat should be what
Tenth line: thast should be that
More description as well, like the whoosh of leaves as the net swung up and trapped him.
Otherwise pretty good so far.
| SForces 5/14/10 . chapter 1
Like the attention getter at the end.
| Kobra Kid 5/4/10 . chapter 2
Good chapter overall! I like the whole aspect of this island full of murderers, rapists and robbers, very imaginative & creative. So kudos for that!
The only thing I saw were about four or five typos, but that's not a big deal. Just a quick skim through and you'll spot them. Good job!
P.S. Please payback these 2 reviews via RFTA. Thank you SO much! )
| Kobra Kid 5/4/10 . chapter 1
Very compelling beginning, especially the last line: "So here I was. This was where I am going to die." Onto the next chapter!
| HeroR 2/23/08 . chapter 6
Very nice story and it flows very fast.
The concept seems to base on another movie I have seen about prisoners on an island. One group, the strongest, were ruthless, while the smaller, weaker attempted to make a better society. Then again, it is not a new concept.
| merrymowmow 12/8/07 . chapter 6
I was wondering when you're going to update?
| Zerousy 6/8/07 . chapter 1
I like chapter 1 so far.
| carrot101 11/26/06 . chapter 1
Very short for a first chapter. Then again, it's probably something like a prologue or whatever, but IMO, I liked the way you ended it. Suspenful cliffhanger! I love cliffies! Leaves the reader wanting more...
But anyway, I think you could've wrote more to add to its length and add more descriptions/details. Nicely done, though.
| Gilded Coins 10/30/06 . chapter 3
As I said in my other review, you've come a long way since "The Crusader." Not to say that The Crusader was bad, on the contrary, I enjoyed it. But your writing style is much better, IMO, in this story. It flows much more smoothly (or is that smoothlier?).
The plot itself has me interested. I'd like to not only know what happens next, but what has happened before: backstory on the main character.
I think you meant "Hell, no." rather than "Hello, no" (right at the end of this chapter three).