it's not bad, ya know. All you really need is a bit more description; not too much, just a bit more in some places. And instead of saying she's "tired and confused" make her do something that shows she's tired and confused. Finding another way to say "so-and-so smiled" would work, too. It's really really good...like..the emotion is, which is what I care about anyway, but probably what you want from it would come easier with just the right description additions. you've got the thought and the emotion, and the overall theme (i like the whole "maybe she'll discover you don't need wings to fly")...just work on finding a way to describe the area around them and the way they feel without TELLING it. My mom once told me: "Tell me without telling me." ^^ I love your work, Neko, keep it up, aight? -_~

Neko-chan, when I'm reading this story, I get a sense of the power and sadness that it has potentially. However, I think that if you're going to bring that to the forefront (I don't know if that's spelled right), I think you need to a) Go into these scenes in more detail and b) Bring out some more originality. The theme of "A child's innocence can do all things" is, while powerful, fairly common. I love the story's idea: A fallen angel trying to rise again. I think that this will be a great place for you to really show your stuff! You're a fantastic author, and a lot can be done with this story. Oh, and you needed a lot more commas and whatnot in the first breath. But I suspect that you know this. Good luck!~Oni

Ne, hi Neko-chan! ^_^ I still love it, and I wanna read more! This is such a cool concept... I can't wait to see where you go with it. Ne, but I was a little confused... Did the young girl know that Leah used to have wings? Or was she just being nice?