FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| spiderfly 2006-08-14 ch 1,  | abuseThis has the makings of gothic fiction. Sort of reminds me of 'The Signalman' by Charles Dickens. I like the formatting. By the way, 'darkness having already cast ITS' shroud'. Because the 'it' is possesive, the apostrophe goes after 'it'. 'It's' is 'it is'. I also like 'A blinded tomb' - nice imagery. I think that there really was no need to rhyme. Some of the rhyme is really forced and sometimes a bit odd, "This is how my sleep, I will groom." Huh? The use of rhyme makes it more of an old-fashioned poem and does give it that archaic style of poetry, but it may be more gothic and suspensful to use blank verse. It would work if some of the rhyming made sense but lots of it seems like you were really desperately searching for a word. "To death, I would like it to go". 'Nuff said. And I really like the subject - it's an interesting topic. You have some really captivating ideas - keep it up! |