Reviews for Jealousy - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Jealousy

summerbee 2007-02-25 ch 1,	abuseamazing. and gorgeous. and the imagery and the language and just everything is, god. i'm sitting here trying to think of something to critique because i'm not the fondest of empty praise, but goodness. i don't think i can. i have to say i have a special liking for the way you write the poem around chemistry [the organic kind? i wouldn't know, sadly.] it breathes so much life into it.
in a jar pk 2007-01-26 ch 1,	abuseJESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST. the imagery and vocablary in this is wonderful. a much needed refreshment, from a lot of what i've been reading lately lol. x
sporkofdoom 2006-11-04 ch 1,	abuseWow. Again, the ending was my favorite part, especially "i have bred the will to hate, envy-fed and ripe." and the entire brilliant stanza after that
Chandra-Moon 2006-08-13 ch 1,	abuseThis was very elegant; it felt so deliberate and smooth, very well written. I must admit, I didn't understand much of it; what I got from it was a story of Jealousy (obviously) rotting you from the inside like cancer cells, and double dealing with others through your jealousy. "there is no sharper knife/than Time." was a strong ending...Jealousy does not fade with time, but increases? Good piece. Keep writing.
beti213 2006-07-25 ch 1,	abusesorry for taking so long to get here-I could start with the normal litany of excuses but the truth is, I've barely been on fictionpress. but I found this alert and now I'm excited about this poem. here goes.oh I love that you have the guts to compare yourself to a cigarette-those are usually seen unfavorably, but you make it appealing in this dark sort of way. "flame-runoff" is like a metaphor within a metaphor, which is amazing and "starlight haze of human cells" can refer to both the night itself and the way a cigarette makes someone feel... so cool.haha are you a bio major or something? I love the terminology but I'm just wondering :) technically, a love letter can't be hoarse, but someone's voice can be... something that doesn't make literal sense actually succeeds in adding a voice to a nonverbal idea. I have to say I don't like "to go flat" because it doesn't seem to say anything special, especially with the superstar phrasing around it. maybe be more specific-make it an image, a sensation? Idk."an organic symphony." this piece seems to be full of phrases like this, words so rich together that it's impossible to extract all the meaning-absolutely beautiful. I think that the three dots here (...you monstrousity), make the phrase a little awkward. the elipse (is that what it's called? :P) is a punctuation overload. maybe lower the phrase in parens to the next line? otherwise, it might be a good idea to eliminate the elipse all together-it seems heavy where it is and doesn't really carry any additional meaning, if you think about it.I love that you throw in "ripe"... this whole poem seems to be growing and throbbing, this huge, brilliant, monstrous thing. it's amazing."dark and mono-syllabic to keep restless minds from getting lost," has a touch of sarcasm in it that I like very much and these last images are priceless "gilded waste" "sparking hot and white" and the last impression of this huge, infallible (but slow) knife. stunning work. bravo!
C.J. Mahan 2006-07-21 ch 1,	abuseThis is an absolutely breathtaking piece of prose. I haven't read your work in a while, but now I remember why I was such a huge fan. You've an innate ability to combine marvelous word choice, perfect flow and rhythm, with an incredible message. Time heals all and kills everything, I guess. Absolutely fantastic.
valentine's disease 2006-07-18 ch 1, anon.	abusethe last two lines really stand out.brilliant.
ossining 2006-07-18 ch 1,	abuseI love all the images in this. It's dirty and rough and dangerous and sexy. The last three stanzas just blow me away. Everything is so vivid and clear - I can see the whole picture. And the last statement is so profound. Gorgeous job, my friend. Keep writing! :)
dollface and her cancer 2006-07-18 ch 1,	abuseintricate, shadowy and chemical-bound. there is beauty to be had here.
dress her up in fairytales 2006-07-18 ch 1,	abusei really like the imagery & that last two lines are powerful.
Nobody-n-Particular 2006-07-18 ch 1,	abuseWonderful closing, leaves me to ponder. Superb diction with "mono-syllabic", "envy-fed", etc.
Aslan Israel 2006-07-18 ch 1,	abusePacks a punch at the end. I love it.
Jezsh 2006-07-18 ch 1,	abuseI like the power of this piece: it's so dense and dark and glittering. Utterly sure of itself. I love the inter mingling of dark and bright imagery. Gorgeous phrases and imagery. Lovely stuff.
Autumn Reflections 2006-07-18 ch 1,	abuseoh. my. gosh. i love this so much that it is going on my favourites!! i like the last bit ' there is no sharper knife than Time' i can completely relate to it! the poem is so dark and beautiful! i love it! keep writing! Autumn^^

Return to Top