So good it made me stay up on a work night.
A shame it'll probably stop me sleeping!

Very atmpospheric. I'm not normaly affected by books but I found parts of this really scary. A nice pace keeps you reading, and the focus of the story changes nicely keeping things fresh.

By way of critisism, I think the lead (maggy) and the antihero (nick) arent always as believable as they could be, but in unbelievable circumstances its hard to write how people would act.

Good stuff, really hoping its still coming!
SH

*shudder* it'll never be over...

:) CD

Couldn't be bothered to sign in. Wewt! Another chapter! And a good one at that! At the end, I thought that she was still dreaming. I occasionally have dreams about all of my teeth rotting and falling out of my head and stuff. But that's kind of cool. A nice twist. Not nice for Maggie, of course, but it adds a new level to the story. So... Yeah. nice job, and update soon! ^.~

Excellent chapter, Kitten! I like this one a lot. I feel like it builds the characters and introduces lots of possibly great new elements to the story (Maggie's bsckstory, the side-effects of the drugs, etc.). As usual, I have to say I think your characters are phenomenal.

Generally, not that much to improve that leapt out at me. Maybe Kolostramin's right and you could get rid of "...and I did," but actually I think that it works fine. One of those 6 one way, 1/2 a dozen the other type deals.

I must admit to the faint chill running down my spine. The tale has shifted. Now begins the really interesting stuff. I am glad the first hint was something...for want of a better word, chilling.
Now, in a more serious weather vane, I personally don't have a clue where they are other than outside the hospital and somewhere in or near La Anarquia. There's more description here, yes. Goody! A forest! Nevermind the kinds of trees, or whereabouts they are to be able to see the forest, or where Harlan sits (ground, rock?)
You aren't writing this story for description, however--it's a dialogue tale with a lot of information to give. Obviously, my personal preference is plenty of scenery, so take all this with a grain of salt.
A parting word, however. The last sentence runs:
*"I get it," I said, and I did.*
Now how would it detract from the story, the persona, or anything else to say as follows:
*"I get it," I said.
We as readers know that she "gets it". It's in her voice, the solemnity with which she speaks, which is obvious because of what she's saying and the rest of the chapter. If you consider this particular line a necessary part of Maggie (because *she* would say that) then I see a reason for it. If there isn't...why put it there?
That's my nugget of semi-useful information for tonight. Take it as you will, and I await the next chapter.

K. Stramin

Her toofers are falling out? How ghastly! >_<

And we get to see a Maggie-memory? Hmz. Poor girl. :D But if she wasn't suffering right now, then I'd have no entertainment! Kinda creepy, huh? Haha =)

Dun dun dun. Beauregard the Bastard. But wow, we certainly got to the bottom of some things, didn't we?

I can't wait to see how Nick reacts to that punch. I'm curious to know if it was a weak-little-kitten punch or a I'm-a-man-in-a-dress punch! =D Either way the reactions will be interesting!

I cheered so hard at the end of this chapter, you wouldn't believe it. Thank you for the update!

She punched him? That sounds like something to be proud of. Son of a schnauzer.

:) CD

I already reviewed this once, but it didn't post. So I'll try again.
Monsieur Nicholas Beauregard is an absolute and utter **, besides being (apparently) almost totally without morals. (Wow, look at all the adverbs in that line...)
In any case, there are now even more reasons not to like him. I think the last line is the most enjoyable part of the story so far. Zombies have been shot, people struck...but Nick hasn't been punched, which he deserved from the beginning.
One particular comment about this chapter--there was no scenery. I felt as if they were walking down dull gray blah avenues. It was almost all dialogue, which gets kind of old without something to spruce it up like a green tree or a manhole cover.
A comment on your comment of my review, however (and here's the part where I'm frank about my opinion). Personally, I would rather not have any more information about what's going on in the story or what the truth is until it's revealed in the story. I'd rather draw my own conclusions and wait to see if they come true, or wonder if I'm not able to draw conclusions.
One conclusion I've been able to draw is that no, no zombies have been *detected* escaping yet, but this is a story about zombies, and there are only a certain number of directions in which you can take it. Many of them involve zombies getting away, due to author wants and the general untrustworthiness of human security no matter how many guns the soldiers have.

Er...that's a lot of text. I think I'm done now. But I'm waiting for the next chapter. I hope Nick pukes.

K. Stramin

YAY! IT'S AN UPDATE! Okay. So, here's the thing. Maggie never really seemed all that gutless to me. I think that she was scared out of her mind and she acted like most people would given her situation, but I never really thought of her as pathetic at all. I just thought Harlan was an **. I'll have to go back through and see, now, though. And the chapter wasn't too much of a mess...

:D I really like it, and, yes, I did want to review, but... I didn't wanna just invite myself :P So glad you invited me. Great first chapter, very interesting, no excitement yet, but, still extremely well written. :D

Creepy. As always. But she actually WORKED with them? Ew!

:) CD

I actually like that song. But then, I've always been a weirdo.

:) CD

Progression without explanation, as these things go. Nick's a real **. And they're going to have an absolutely fun time getting out of that city. But then, as *other* things have no doubt got out already, what's the big deal for some living people to leave?

Good luck with the applications. And I hope you update again relatively soon. This is too interesting to put down...even if I only get to read a chapter per month.

K. Stramin