FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Zigeunerin 2007-05-26 ch 1,   | Ach! If there was some higher authority for grammar with the power to punish you, I'd definately report semicolon abuse! Why!? Why abuse the poor semicolon!? ...but, I'm familiar with you artistic types...you just shrug your shoulders at the rules... Anyways, you've got to be one of those crazy William Butler Yeats followers who feels obligated to further seperate the gap between the English vernacular and poetry. Ugh. I mean, I must agree that poetry can't sound quite so simple as the typical American conversation; but, even then, "The hopelessness of my path deprives my eternal continuity; Arising assumptions of life subterfuge the will to go on;"--naturally, I'm very impressed with your grasp of the English language. But, in spite of that, it gets to a point where it sounds more pretentious than poetic. I liked how you divided it; it made it easier to follow. It was very creative. You have a well-developed vocabulary--I just think you need to tame it. nice job. |
| Femme de Dieu 2006-07-23 ch 1, | I like the layout of this, with the Prologue, Main and End. Also how you rhymed AABB in the Proglogue; Main was more near to free verse, but still with a nice cadence; and then End was ABBA rhyming scheme. Nicely done, with each style appropriate to the content of each section. Good message as well. Enjoyable read. Truly, Tourterelle |