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| sari la elfa 2006-09-20 ch 1, anon. | abuseHahahaha! it made me laugh, it spooked a tittle, too, well i´m myself kind of amnestic, i forget things very easily, the longest impression, that i can think of is when we had a car accident, the metalic sound lasted for like a year...but i´ve forgotten it by now, well, yes, my native language is spanish, a proud Mexican born and living in Monterrey.must be hard to live with enduring memories... no the girl of the poem didn´t die, really, she was on a "stand by" status emotionally, but she´s all right now.i working on a refrain that goes like this. "Curiosity killed the cat." do you have an english refrain similiar?regards, Sari la Elfa |
| Roberto Franchesco 2006-07-21 ch 1,  | abuseI agree. A great prologue to something...sinister. The grammer is nothing that editing can't fix. Keep writing! It makes a great prologue because of the last line: ...unless... |
| chocohound 2006-07-21 ch 1, | abuseAside from some grammar errors, this was a great piece. I love how you described it, yet you didn't (if you know what I mean), so you leave it open for our own interpretation. It had a distantly eeiry, creepy feel. I especially loved the last line: "how can one remember their own death when they are still alive. . ." Great job! |