|Reviews for Tsubasa Reverse|
| HisLifeWas 5/22/10 . chapter 1
Wow, you really got my sucked in with this chapter,the description of Kera was quite strange (in a good way) a silver helm head with black wings, i dont know why but it made me chuckle, probably because i'd just seen that new miley cyrus video, and for some reason she'd bird... blah, myley cyrus ,
anyway, i digress, nice chapter, i shall defenatly continue to read :)
| felicia13 3/31/07 . chapter 15
As surprising as it was to go into a different POV from the one you usually write, it was refreshing and offering a nice glimpse into what happened after Blanc was 'elected.' She's a seriously bad dude. Don't mess with her or she'll kill you in the face. Ouch.
But, really. It's a good chapter. I enjoyed it. And I think I actually reviewed in an ok amount of time. For once.
Good luck with the next chapter!
| Noihseret 3/23/07 . chapter 15
nice ending! "and his tears left a trail on the cold, misty wind." that was beautiful!
the evles aren't doing so good, huh?
keep up the great work!
| anti-climax 3/18/07 . chapter 15
I thought Morgan was the Demon King. Gah, I'm somewhat lost already. Blanc is Noir's sister, the Demon King and a Judge with a horn upon her forehead signifying a damned existence...Elder wasn't it? *scratches head*
There's so many significant characters in this story that it's hard to keep track of them all. Nive/Seles, Noir, Blanc, Aoi, Aoi's rescuer, Aoi's rescuer who killed Nanami earlier, that guy who attacked Nive/Seles earlier..oh yea, Fyreon...
Bah, I seem to be ranting here. Wait, Aoi's rescuer here, is he the same as the one earlier?
Judge bombs. Lol, that's amusing.
A good chapter, though the Elves seemed to have their butts kicked most of the time. This is so completely un-cliched ), Elves not being the 'superior people in every aspect'
'The Judge made a fist'. I'm not sure whether made is quite appropriate here, perhaps formed or raised his would have been better.
Nothing further to add, I guess. Till next time.
| JJSLAM2129 3/17/07 . chapter 15
This story came just in time because there's five inch layer of sleet (that's right, sleet) outside! Feels like forever since I've heard a story from Aoikaze. Then again, there was a nearly three month hiatus since you last updated. Hope everything with your comp and the internet is fine!
On to the review...
Although the fight scene with Blanc in midair was cool, I never really knew if they ever landed on the ground or not. Perhaps I got lost, but I couldn't find any indication of at least a thud or something. An considering that humans reach terminal velocity in about 13-14 sec (or about 573m), the crash would be fatal... Unless they're floating in midair...
Now, the very first sentence "His dreams and his waking were filled with the slate-grey heavens..." seemed a little too wordy or at least it could have used a revision, along the lines of "His waking, much like his dreams, was filled with...". Personal preference, tho'.
"the silent visitor told him after a while"... Seriously? That's a complete paradox.
The story overall, tho'? Let's just say I had to type one-handed to hold up my jaw. The descriptions were beautiful, plus it has great action! Keep it up, and please, don't scare me like that again! ( :: )
| Lord of the Trees 3/17/07 . chapter 15
Wow...This chapter was worth the wait. I was BRILLIANT! But goddam depressing. I was really worried that you'd given up on the story for a sec! INCREDIBLE WORK! Keep it up!
| felicia13 3/7/07 . chapter 14
I'm reading this damn thing right here and now. You'll update, like, tomorrow and I won't review that for a while if I get sidetracked. So we enter this vicious cycle. It's a true story. Sorry for that.
Wait ... isn't Liera the person who become the Witch King? Or am I thinking of someone else ... oh. Confusion.
Nice little demon child. I think some of my siblings are demon children. No lie.
Aww ... it's true. Sometimes people who play heroes do more harm than good. I won't mention any names but, uh ... *coughAmericainIraqcough*
Cruel town. Haven't they ever heard of hanging? Or the guillotine? Fast and humane ...
What? Major plot twist. The kid actually isn't the Black Demon, but the Black Demon IS Astaroth, who is that girl from the four-chaptered prologue to this, who is the Witch King. Right? And this kid's her son? I wish this weren't so complicated sometimes ... but that would ruin Columbus Day, right?
Ok. Now that I'm done, I can ask that you update, but not too soon. Maybe in a week, 'k?
Interesting and, at the same time, oddly repelling. Well done.
| xhielle 3/7/07 . chapter 14
| The Breakdancing Ninja 1/31/07 . chapter 7
I'm knee-deep in great writing, so my train is a little longer and a little slower, but I always come back. XD;;
Here's what I remember, from like, a long, long time ago. Aoi and Lady Hino (or Hina?) get into this magnificent battle because Aoi is stepping in dangerous territory, looking for the runaway Fanella, who is currently with Leira and Nive. I think that's the short summary of last chapter... or the last three chapters; I'm not quite sure.
Nanami just survived Aoi's super bomb attack by doing a simple procedure that we call here in California school systems the "duck and cover". lmfao
Shit, is that massive dude Aoi's summon? Or... wait, azoth? Are those what they are called?
[not even when the mere wave of its arms that looked like they were gigantic stalactites could break her bones to gristle. ] Oh, so the blade-like, crystal quality makes them look like the end of those hugeass lances, right? Those're what his hands look like? (For a moment, I thought that Aoi went through a transformation and turned into that big guy, which would have been sort of horrifying but pretty cool at the same time!)
[While necromancy was just the divination from the dead, Goetia evolved to become a summoning of a dead Elder, the summoner’s life force giving the Elder a physical manifestation.] So, as we speak, Aoi's wasting his valuable life force? His handsome, badass life force? NOO!
[“Artificer, huh?” Aoi reached into the pocket of his cassock again, and put a cigarette between his lips.] LOL Who is this guy? He keeps smoking right during the middle of really dramatic scenes, the jerk face!
[“Your weapon is only invisible as long as moonlight doesn’t touch it. The light that I used to summon Moloch parted the clouds for an instant, and in that instant of moonlight I saw the real form of your polearm—with a crescent blade twice as wide as any human, and a haft thrice as tall. Because I now know its dimensions, I can approximate where your weapon is, no matter what you do.”] No, DD, not the anime exposition. Why does he have to say this right during the middle of a serious battle waging around him? Why is he explaining this stuff to her? Stuff that she already knows-come on, the dimension of her blade? He should just crush her, or try to crush her-and maybe some kind of introspect could be happening where she tries to figure out how he was able to pinpoint her weapon or something. I'm thinking that if he mentions he knows something about her weapon, she's got to take his word for it, because he's got the advantage; he shouldn't have to explain himself. But if he were at a disadvantage, explaining that he knows the dimensions of her weapon would probably be a little distracting for her, and he could have the upper hand somehow.
I like, though, that the perspective switches sides and sympathizes with different characters each scene! It's pretty damn awesome!
[Nanami’s powerful legs and the discipline of her fighting technique gave her speed that no ordinary human without Azoth could achieve, and she spurted straight to him.] Probably "spurted straight at him" would have more flow of direction. I'm thinking Chun Li-not just any Chun Li, but Chun Li from Street Fighter: Third Strike, with her huge, powerful legs! She can't even do a spinning bird kick across the screen anymore because her thigh muscles are so massive!
[She fell gracelessly, and dropped like a boulder on a bed of snow, burrowing under the ground in a display of cascading ice.] Ouch, I felt this impact!
[Others glanced at the commotion, and were cut down by their enemies, who in turn looked back and then died.] I loved this detail! Lmfao!
[its six tails extended and darted at a speed beyond the most powerful of arrows, that they looked hazy and as if they were hastily sketched on the air by a gigantic artist. They spurted from the monster’s back like grappling tentacles, direct to the massive, growing ball of light—] Here's the star description of this chapter. Whoo-wee, I really saw this one! Moloch is a total hell raiser; I think of Ifrit from the FF series, except Moloch looks more gruesome. No, when I think of Moloch, I think of Paradise Lost by Milton. Wait... is it? YEAH. From Paradise lost.
[Dust and snow covered the entire air, as if choking them, and they, disoriented, tried to get their bearings, or escape, if needed be.] The expression is "if need be", correct? Because it would be like, a tense disagreement to have "needed" and "be" in the same phrase. It would be efficient to either say "if needed" or "if need be", I think...
[A diagonal flash of light scintillated in the darkness across Moloch’s arm] This description reminds me of those parts in anime where a sword slash happens, but the rest of the screen turns black, and one half of the person who just got slashed goes up, while the other goes down. LOL I think I've been watching too much Tenjho Tenge or something.
[“Fool.” The giant axe flashed and it hovered over Nanami again. “But you were right, I can’t. I had been at my threshold now for six years. Do you know? An Artificer kills his own living cells to fuel the magic that could manipulate and control matter. When you use it enough, your body will waste, and you will evaporate like the wisps on a swamp.”] See, now this is the kind of exposition I like. It still has a sense of realism about it (it's still teetering, though), but it also remains purposeful.
The descriptions of how they peel away-especially the line about the cards flying away is totally awesome. I could SEE it!
[held by a machine-like hilt that encased the wielder’s entire hand] Like, the hilt of a lightsaber, or something different, like what would come out of the Gundam series if there happened to be a human-sized sword?
This messenger guy is so sexy. I imagine him to be tiny and sort of anorexic-looking for some reason. It's probably just my wishful thinking. sigh
[he whispered to her ear, and drove the point of his sword through her belly. Nanami’s mouth slackened.] AH! perfect.
Ah, I forgot to copy and paste this. I wanted to complain, on behalf of the dead Nanami. [Moloch tried to take its arm back, but Nanami won’t permit it; it seemed as if her palm and fingers were welded onto the beast’s arm, and she wouldn’t even budge. “After this, I’ll die. But it doesn’t matter, as long as I take you with me.”] She's pulling a kamikaze! If Aoi hadn't made her expend so much energy, then she would have at LEAST been able to live a little bit longer! Then again, she was just waiting to die anyway. I mean, when you're already at Death's Door, pretty much everything loses meaning except for the euphoria of deciding who ELSE lives or dies. Poor girl. Rest in peace, hot chick.
This was an exciting chapter, and I really liked the blend of descriptions; they kept this battle moving at rocket-pace. I also liked the soldier reactions. At first, they're okay. But then they gape up at the monstrous... monster, some die. And then ALL of them start to flee when they see that big giant axe. And then all of them die. God, how terrible! Gory, but awesome.
This was really exciting. Thanks for the awesome read again, DD!
| WyrdWolf 1/24/07 . chapter 4
Ah, so here we are from another's viewpoint. Changin' it up, keeping it alive. Alright.
'While she was busy disseminating the talk of the town the tavern door opened and in strode a man whom she was waiting for.' 'a man' should be 'the man'. Otherwise you imply that she's waiting for more than one person (and since I review as I read, that just might be the case and I could be totally wrong, who knows).
I like all this tactic discussion. It really gets the blood flowing-at least, it gets mine going.
It seems like their social class is feudal, judging from Gunnar's ambitions. Good, I'm familiar with this.
So these Ironclads are seige engines? Motorized, manual, semi-organic? How do they work?
Interesting bit that elves have an odium for half-breeds yet are forced to be led by one. It adds to the tension of the whole scene.
Lots of jumping to the views of different people here. Not necessarily a bad thing, though. Why was Nive after Fanella, though, or was she just unfortunate enough to come across his ambush?
| The Breakdancing Ninja 1/21/07 . chapter 6
Alright, I’m here to review another chapter, because I’m addicted. This story is so cool.
[Aoi reminded himself of the bitter fact that his entire screen formation had, for all purposes, ceased to exist.] Uh-oh. Cruzada is closing in! Oh, I should mention that I like the passages of time throughout these three chapters. When Aoi was washing his face, it was just before the crack of dawn, and when Nive was meeting up with Fanella, it was late afternoon—well, by the time it got back to Aoi again. And now it’s… REALLY late afternoon. He could see Cruzada coming like dark shadows! Bum bum bum.
[tinged in a lighter bruise-colored light from the sinking sun.] I like this description.
I still don’t understand the hammer and anvil stategy or this three-block formation. Is it like, three rows or three columns, or…?
OH. So the Conclave and the Synod are at war? I’m so slow. lmao I think it’s why I like this story so much; whenever I figure out something, I get all hyped up.
[“I will parley with the Judge leading the enemy host,” he explained,] Aoi. I’m proud of you.
[He wondered how those men could even lift their arms, and even speculated more so as to how they could see and breathe; their entire faces were covered by white faceplates that it seemed their heads were like eggs.] hahaha Air holes?
[The Judge was a girl from the looks of it, and she was wearing a very risqué kimono that revealed a lot of her skin—cleavage and thighs, for example.] LOL! I gotta show you a picture I drew; because, the minute I heard this description, I thought exactly of her. Hold on. All you have to do is put the http thing when you paste it into a url. But man, she’s in a revealing Kimono—aren’t Kimonos supposed to keep you warm? It’s friggin’ a million degrees below zero! Okay, dude, it doesn’t matter to me. She’s hot. Women, fashion, and logic don’t mix real well, anyway. I live in California. I should know. lmao
Alright, here’s the link to the girl I drew who reminded me of your hotass judge: i3.
Just put that thing in front of it and I think it’ll still work the same.
[and while slower than warhorses they were more agile and more aggressive.] The Nyx are awesome! Though, I think, agile sounds too close to “fast”, so why not try “nimble”, which is what I think you were actually going for.
LOL This is weird! DD, what the hell is this? And when I read the first detail about Aoi having glasses—I think it’s when he’s looking back at his army, I was like, he has glasses? And now he’s smoking? DD, what the hell? lmfao
[“I know I’m hot, kisama,” said the woman, the curse growled and elongated.] LOLOL Jesus—what is this! And isn’t it “Kissama”? No, I take that back… Wait, or do I? Yes, I take it back. There’s no “tsu” pause in kisama. Not that I remember. It’s just the way some people say it in animes that make it sound like it has a “tsu” sound.
[She was substituting the word “you” with a curse that meant "bastard", managing even to refer to his entire battalion with ‘kisamatachi’, but regardless he took her words well-salted.] All end quotations should follow after punctuation in stories. It’s in essays where they come before punctuation.
[Try not to act cute, my lady. I don’t think the Conclave will overlook your report that Moorstone was listed under collateral damage.”] Nice one, Aoi.
[He continued in a lazy, almost toying tone.] Psh. Just because she’s a woman. Misogynist pig. ROFL I think I would be worse, though. If I were Aoi, I would’ve already backhanded her and told her to watch her mouth. hahaha
LOLOL I knew Aoi was going to be the bomb. Possibly my favorite character, because he has a sense of humor. He’s a pig, a bastard, and a smartass. My favorite combination. No, I like the quiet types, too. But they’re a lot easier to write than someone like Aoi.
bitch! Friggin’ Lady Hino is a jerk! Her and Aoi should get together and have jerk babies.
Why did she charge and reappear behind him when she could just kill him instantaneously like she did the “mayor”? Unless she’s blinded by rage or arrogance and can’t think very well, which is what I’ll accept, but if she’s level-headed, she should’ve just annihilated him.
I wonder what her name, Nanami, means?
[She pivoted and delivered a roundhouse swipe, using the momentum of her body and the strength of her arms to bring the weapon around in a perfectly level slice. He crouched beneath it, and saw her eyes widen in surprise at his sudden move. Aoi tried not to smirk as he felt and heard the whistle of the slice passing overhead.] I wanna draw this. Seriously. But I think it’s too much for my novice drawing skillz.
Pshaw. I just did a quick pencil-profile of Aoi, and I just realized that I didn’t know what type of armor he had on. I just gave him a wife beater. ROFL But he still has his overly-ornate buckle gauntlet and his circular glasses, which I depicted as ones that rested on the bridge of his nose and didn’t need hooks around his tiny elf-like ears, complete with war scars and band-aid! Shoddy sketch; no scanner. I’ll have to ask someone else to scan it; a plain thing, but it’s pretty hilarious.
WHOA! What did he just unleash! Jesus, why does it always end at the good parts! I got a small case of vertigo after doing that drawing and going right back to reading. What a rush!
This story is so cool. I think, once I get to chapter fourteen, I’ll write up a nice advertisement on FP_review. There’re a few stories I wanted to write FP_reviews for, so, like, it might take me a while. I think I might be the first person to actually consider advertising a fantasy story! Hurray for me!
This was an awesome chapter, Diamonddust. Rock on.
| The Breakdancing Ninja 1/21/07 . chapter 5
Deimos people look cool! So, I guess Nive is naturally surprised that a Deimos and an Elf would associate. It was weird, but even before it was written, I already thought that Fanella was an Elf. I don’t know why.
[“I’m not talking to you, filth,” Nive said quietly.] Jerk! There is so much racism in this story. LMAO
[Then Nive’s features tightened. “I kill anyone who knows me, Elf princess.”] This is pretty hawt. And wait, so… Aoikaze is trying to recapture the Synod’s Elf Princess? I wonder why she’s trying to escape? Does it have anything to do with what Ami was talking about? Is Fanella like, a pacifist or something?
I really like the conversation for this chapter; it feels very natural.
These metaphors are really weird. I mean, I’m glad that Fanella referred to herself as the gardener, but I would expect Nive to be sort of impatient and just to say, “Stop with the metaphors!” or some other angry thing like that. Then again, we don’t know everything about Nive’s personality, so it’s better just to watch. hahaha
[She grumbled under her breath more for her injured pride than anything else.] Poor Liera. I feel like drawing her, Aoikaze, or Ami. No, actually, I’d want to draw Noir. Nive is really mean to women. Geez.
[“Haste leads men to their destruction,” she said. “Then that’s better.”] Hahaha. Nive is so cool. But geez, he’s so mean. Though, I could understand why he’d be such a jerk. He’d been living a rogue life and has had to defend himself all on his own, and all the things he once knew and believed in have gone to hell. So it’s understandable.
WOO-HOO! Another Aoikaze section! What I like about men and women in this story is that they’re all tough-skinned. I’ve always wanted to make characters like these, but I’ve got too much of a B-Type personality.
[“Maybe. I’m a half-breed, do you know? My cunt of a mother spread her legs for an Elven general and I was born from the heat of their loins. My mother abandoned me, and my father hated me afterwards. So here I am.”] Geez, kid, you don’t need to tell the Mayor your life’s story. LOL Seriously, that made me really uncomfortable. But I guess it’s because he’s very young and hasn’t matured enough yet to repress his rage. He needs some anger management or something. Though, his jadedness and anger is understandable, too, though—he deals with a lot of corruption and leads an army full of apathetic no-good-doers.
I forgot to mention that I liked the one detail about the ironclads being too bulky to rolls through town!
[“Goddamn it. Tell him to fall back here. We will hold this city as hostage; let’s see if we can bargain our way out of this disaster.”] SHIT! O man, whatever you do, Fanella, don’t go there! Unless… she wanted to get recap—no, she wouldn’t. wah!
O man, that was so exciting! Whenever Aoikaze's in a section, you know there's gonna be trouble!
| The Breakdancing Ninja 1/20/07 . chapter 4
I finished some of EnigmaticArsenic's Happenstance, so I’ll try to do two chapters’ worth of Tsubasa Reverse tonight following up into next morning.
Ah, so in the first huge paragraph, we see that Amitiel Riognach is resourceful, but ALSO compassionate. Not only that, but she’s not so pompous as to just, like, feign any interest in the going-ons of debased places like the alehouse. A regal woman that could blend in with a seedy crowd definitely has her wits about her, and it shows that her personality isn’t superficial. Well, I don’t think any of the characters featured in this story will pass off as superficial. They’re very mature and serious, and I really enjoy reading them.
… And she’s a foul mouth, too! There was this one book I read, where Princesses are actually the highest ranking warriors for their kingdom, and they lead armies just like generals do, which breaks the whole frills thing. I think Ami’s sort of like that; someone who is concerned with the welfare of her state. This is the line I really liked: [It was common knowledge that the commoners both envied and detested the nobility for their lavish lifestyle, but no bard would sing of how sometimes the nobles coveted the simplicity of a peasant or a lowborn worker.] Ami has to worry so much about all the political happenings of the kingdom that she’s got no time to enjoy a place like the Alehouse and sing of a broken back. She’s got to worry about a whole MASS of people whose lives could be endangered through any number of her decisions—or lack of decisions.
Whoa, what’re Ironclads? I’m gonna watch out for those. And what’s this hammer and anvil strategy? I know we’ll find out, but I’m curious. As you can already tell, I know very little about war tactics. rofl
[And if it came to war, the tenuous agreement between Harmonia and the Outer Kingdoms would become a full-fledged bilateral treaty, and once more after ten years this country would take up arms. The Queen had not foreseen this; Harmonia was defenseless, having been disarmed when her sister had ascended the Demeter Throne.] Hoh man, it’s these sorts of details that I love to fuckin’ DEATH. It makes me feel like I’m in a world that’s been happening before I came, and like, I’m interacting and learning more about it. Well, most stories are like that, but they do it in different ways. I’m in love with the historical and geographic approaches; where there are catalogues of history, and descriptions of landscape. Next to characterization and conversation, historical and geographical narratives are like, awesome.
[she said, and slammed her palm down the table. No one looked; arguments rarely never happened at a tavern, and she appeared to be just quarreling with the newcomer.] I understand what this means, but it was phrased weird and it make me back-track. Probably instead of “No one looked”, maybe “No one bothered to look” would work better in this context, and “rarely never” is sort of like… Why not a more assertive statement, like “arguments were commonplace in taverns.” And leave it at that, since the explanation after that wouldn’t be needed anymore. … wait… Okay, yeah, edit: “No one bothered to look; arguments were commonplace in taverns.” Bam. How about that?
When I think of Irenus, I’m reminded of Stone Cold Steve Austin from WWF, now called the WWE. rofl
Alright, some awesome terms for the next section. A Vancer and the Eir.
Whoa, I thought Luinhil was an old guy. He’s only twenty, rofl!
These two sentences mention his age in this same paragraph, which is redundant. [He turned around, seeing his squire, Gunnar Drendir, a boy only two years his junior, eighteen years of age.] and [Aoi was only a youth of twenty, very young especially to beings who live to a hundred, but he only became Vancer as the Union saw his potential as a swordmage; he had no illusions that he had been promoted as leader of an expedition because the Synod loved him.] I think that the second sentence is where the “twenty” should be eliminated. Maybe a possible edit could be like… “Aoi was considered very young, especially to beings who live to a hundred…” And his nickname is the color “blue” is Japanese! … haha. That’s pretty much all I know, in the language department.
[the Sinneidin] are real bastards. Somehow, it brings me back to the judges, and to Noir, who is using poor Nive. And they are also reminiscent of the Nazis. Rofl But that’s a common, hackneyed statement anyone could make. Besides, most Nazis weren’t bad, they were just spineless and sometimes mindless.
Ah, and Aoi is a half-breed? Yeah, in the beginning of the section, it mentioned something peculiar about him having human blood.
[At least, the boy was obedient, and loyal. For now, that would do.] I’m a comma freak, but I think that the comma after “obedient” should go, so there won’t be so many pauses.
[His wild sapphire hair, sticking up in clumps as if he had just woken up, dominated his head, and his emerald-gold eyes seemed to have belonged to another man.] Ah, is that why his nickname is Aoi? I’m thinking of Fayt from Star Ocean: ‘Til the End of Time, with really messy hair.
[He had always hated mothers, his mother most of all.] Rofl. Be careful, Aoi. You might have an Oedipus Rex Complex. hahaha
[While the Sinneidin states had weather no different from the highland Outer Kingdoms, it was a little colder in here, and upon his command his soldiers and officers had relinquished their armor in favor of tight winter clothing with boiled leather, ornate though they were, as protection. Steel froze easily, and this was a rescue mission, not a battle.] Ah, these lovely details! So wonderful; I feel compelled to take notes, but I think this has been burned into my mind. It’ll actually help a lot with some upcoming chapters of my poor, poor story. I think I’ll wikipedia leather later on, so I know the difference between boiled leather and other types of leather. Thank you very much.
[“Give me leave, my lord Vancer, and I shall use the entire might of the Ironclads to scour this country for that bitch,”] LOL I know “bitch” in this story is a serious word meant in context instead of a slur against prostitutes and other gold-digging jerks, but it’s still hilarious anyway. When Ami said “shit” I laughed, too. It’s so weird hearing these people cuss!
OH. I get it now. “Aoi” and “kaze” make Bluewind! Urp, I don’t really enjoy noun-noun names, but it works here. “Noir” is black, in… French… and what is “Nive”? god, I know I’m pointing out these obvious things, but they’re all new to me!
[His helmed head with a plume of red griffin hair bobbed unctuously.] How does hair bob in an oily fashion? I’ve never seen it used like that? Maybe, “a plume of unctuous, red griffin hair” might work? Though that’s a lot of adjectives…
[He stole a glance at the gold-and-blue painted Ironclads, pride of the Union forces, which looked like plump, gigantic humpback caterpillars armored with overlapping and bristling steel plates.] Ah, so that’s what the Ironclads look like! AWESOME!
I love the political agendas—it’s a rescue mission, but as long as they’re there, they could risk looking like they want to get into a fight. So cool!
And the Hrimmir guy—is he like, a feral creature? Like, a demi-human?
Whoo-wee, this second section was a doosie. It was possibly my favorite of all sections in this story thus far! Man, so awesome.
Alright, I think I could remember all the players in this story. I just won’t be able to remember the Kingdom names very well. As the story progresses and cements my knowledge, it’ll be much easier. I’m loving this so far. What is Nive doing, though?
[Liera responded in the same manner and drew two daggers from her belt, spinning them to test their balance. Satisfied, she clenched at one blade with her teeth,] That’s totally hot. rofl
[With her heart in her mouth, knowing that her rescue had just been blown apart and the Elves had at last cornered her, she rose, frightened.] Is the expression “With her heart in her mouth” or “her heart in her throat”?
[Liera screamed, and it was the last thing she knew.] What is the last thing she knew?
Man, why did this have to end so fast! Mother of Christ, I was all pumped up and ready—man, how exciting. These chapters get better and better! I really enjoyed this chapter immensely, as much as I enjoyed the first chapter. The two with Noir in them were hard to read, though, of course, I was in awe at a lot of elements IN the chapters, they were a bit grueling for me to trek through, and weren’t nearly as captivating as this chapter or the first one. That section with Aoikaze was the bomb, though. I really appreciate the time you take to put in all these details; you could talk on endlessly about strategies of this or that kingdom, or mounds of history, and I think I would still be captured. I love that sort of thing anyway!
Thank you very much for taking the time to review my work and offer a really useful set of criticisms; I’ll work on editing the pieces accordingly after I have posted the next two chapters… which won’t be for a long while.
This was a really awesome chapter; I think I’ll review another one tomorrow! It’s only suiting that I enjoy reading the stories I love during my birthday month! zomg. You know who visited my site? Critisized. Oh man, I've read almost every one of her pieces, they rock HARD; I reviewed RainGrey and saw both of you review one of the stories, and I felt blessed and honored to be on RainGrey's site because of it! I didn't realize you knew Critisized. She'd better come back and post up some more stories. They're my treasures.
Rock on, DD!
| WyrdWolf 1/19/07 . chapter 3
Annoying as Noir's dialect is, she is a clever one. Esterhall's demise is no shock, but it must be a big blow.
Nive's history is very complicated, and it seems that even Nive himself is unsure of what the past brings to him, what with Morrigan's ambiguous intentions. Still, I think Noir is always going to be on his side no matter what.
I s'pose he's off on his next quest.
Should be fun. _
| criti-sized 1/16/07 . chapter 14
Well, I'm finally able to get some of my reviewing done, and here I am. The two chapters that I had to catch up on were very nice. I liked the descriptions of the scenarios, and felt that the dialogue was good, though some parts felt a bit like they could use revisions in order to make them more realistic.
Awesome job on the chapters.