 Dehydrated Hyena 2007-08-02 . chapter 1I like the way the rhythm moves and changes. I like where you break the lines. I like the self-effacing high school thing. Well done. |
 elvenstorm 2006-09-07 . chapter 1Beautifully cynical. Love the highschool fantasy aspect to this, it's such a powerfully sad but true piece. The lsat line especially makes its point. Well done x |
 shutupcharlotte 2006-08-10 . chapter 1"who’s" should be whose. (sorry i'm a grammar nazi =])
but i really like the sort of crazy, stream of conciousness, descriptive style you've got going here.
reminds me of allen ginsberg, & that's a good thing. keep up the good work! =] |
 Aquafied 2006-08-07 . chapter 1hm, this seems like homecoming is in such a faraway statei like it, dont follow the seasons!
anyhow, high school boys are not really that attractive |
 Jezsh 2006-08-06 . chapter 1Yay! New stuff!(sorry, I didn't mean to guilt trip you!)
My favourite part is the ending, makes the narrator seem much more grown up than the situation which I think is interesting. One suggestion I'd offer is for the beginning bit to have shorter sentences, kind of got lost. I love how glittery it seems, very superficial and floaty, faux glamorous. Gorgeous imagery as per usual!*happy* |
 multiples of six 2006-07-29 . chapter 1Oh. My. God. New? New from star-shaped scars? I've been waiting for this. And it is so.. so so so good. I swear? It was frikkin intense, okay?
(you make love to me with that crown on,/and when it topples off your head, you/flash a feral grin and call me bad luck).
GOD.
you may be the romantic anti-hero in my/innermost secret bedroom dream dramas,
JESUS.
K, I'm sounding a bit too enthusiastic. But hey, YAY for broken hiatus. Woohoo for you! |
 spiderfly 2006-07-28 . chapter 1This is absolutely amazing. SUCH a good poem. I can't think of any critiscism, because really all it was was a swirl of good writing, imagery, brilliant concepts and all of the poetic tricks in the book. I don't know what to say. Apart from WO FAVOURITES! |