Hey, I like it. I can definately picture it as a song. (well, hear, more than picture.) If you're shooting that-a-way, then you might want the chorus to go on more, the Do you know part. Maybe go into why she's sitting in a corner in agony. But I like how those stanzas are next to each other with her pain and His pain.

Whoa wait, or is it a duel meaning? Are there two he's? Ooh, that's good. I like it!