The cadence of this poem reminds me of a song. I love the narrative element to it, and the refrain "and this kid is so ** up" is almost elegant in its way. This is wonderful.

Very interesting. I find myself struggling to decide if I like this or not. To be honest, I feel that there are pieces of this poem that came across as poetic, deep, and sophisticated; there were parts that seemed cheap and careless. There was some fantasic imagery and diction; there was some that was lacking. Overall, though, this was an effective portrayal and an interesting read-- that's undeniable. I also think this was a very brave attempt at a very difficult subject and style. For that, I have to give you major kudos. Keep up the good work. Pieces that make me think so long and hard are rare gems. Thanks for sharing.

Awesome vocabulary and voice. Very cool.

Uh, you said it's a story written in poetry format...

So, do you mean like free-verse?

Cause, that's a genre, like free-verse novels, so I bet you could pass this off as free-verse fiction.

Just a suggestion.

My goodness. This is amazing.

nice expression of bohemian or maybe even hippie style. The words are cool, the sentences nice, but theres something missing... You've created a very strong character, but perhaps you're not comfortable with writing, it seems forced at times. Good work!

like it. i like that you repeat a few bits...and for some reason i just love the lines:"This is the sermon in his church made of flowers and trees and an old wooden swing,And the rosary he wears is a plastic necklace he got from a vending machine"nice.