Reviews for Soul Mates of the Zodiac

Reviews For: Soul Mates of the Zodiac - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Crazy In 88 2007-01-30 ch 2,	abuseHey again. You know, for a first story, you've done better than I have on secondary works. The only advice I'd give is work on your phraseology, but take no offense; my stuff's far from perfect. Your dialogue keeps me in suspense though... reading on...
Crazy In 88 2007-01-30 ch 1,	abuseO... sounds interesting. I like the way you tie the characters to the zodiac. And if you don't mind me asking, how do you describe a butt? Lol, just kidding. Reading on...
Maranwe Telrunya 2006-09-10 ch 2,	abuseUm... I wanted to review something of yours in thanks for your review on Diamond Dust (I wrote it because that's what comes to mind when I think of the name Diamond Dust) but I sort of... well, I don't like reading stories with a lot of swearing; it offends me, so... yea. In my oponion, it's good but would be better without the swearing. 'Tis funny, though, and I wish you all the luck with finishing it =D ~Maranwe Telrunya
Noihseret 2006-09-07 ch 5,	abuseyey more zodiac signs!! I can't wait ^^ I like Hideo alot... he's awesome! (by the way thanks for mentioning me...^^) sorry my review is kind of short... not much time to type!! (I wanted to read this chapter though before I had to go to school... gr...)
diamond-dust08 2006-09-07 ch 5,	abuseresponse to your story notes: i did muse in my review that they were adopted or something, so forgive me if i come across as ignorant and stupid. also, now i understand where there were frequent uses of "Satoshi", thanks for the explanation, although i'd probably ask you for explaining it while in the story or something. X_X and when i said "as a summary", i meant "to summarize what i have said so far". it's a format of my review that i review as i go along, give my general idea of the story (strengths, weaknesses, etc), and then cap it off with the summary of the points shown. and it's okay with the grammar (did i say your grammar needed work?? can't remember), i just put to your attention that you may want to consider upgrading your narrative ability, but i'm also okay with it as is; after all, it's your style and for me identity beats brilliance anytime. and my name, "Diamond Dust", came from the attack of Shiva, the ice-elemental summon monster of Final Fantasy games. XD it was also used as the title of a poem by a friend of mine that she wrote as a tribute to me (dunno why). also, maybe i was also a reviewer in a story you've also reviewed. that was LONG. lol. so okay here goes the real review. LOL, okay, so they crashed onto a shopping cart. that was... lol. nothing. it just had me laugh. i thought they crashed onto a tree or another car or something. gawd. Aya is such a bully! it'd be easy to hate her from now on. (don't worry, that's a personal opinion XD). "You wonder why are parents". do you mean "your parents", or "our parents"? OMG. a cliffhanger! you meanie! and i just can't find anything wrong worth mentioning here. you've improved greatly the last time i reviewed you, and there are quite a lot of visible differences from the previous chapters here. i especially like the character build-up of the cast here, especially Aya and Toya (the former a bully and Toya some sort of... i dunno, a custodian to the 'family secret'), and Hideo's real self was also briefly yet nicely touched in here. good flow of narration as well, it has a more, hmm, serious (not as in 'brooding' serious but more intent on storytelling, rather than the previous ones where it was more concerned on character introductions and their relationships--and comedy) tone that i find quite appealing. you are in my author alert list by now, so if you'll update count me in as a reviewer. i hope you can stay with the quality of this new chapter (but still retain your humorous, flippant style) in the succeeding ones, and as for this update--good work. i'm impressed. until next time. ~DD
YJanZ-Providence 2006-09-07 ch 3,	abuseHm, I could definitely feel an Akito-like vibe from Hideo (well, he's less psycho sounding, plus he's a guy...) Anyway, cute chapter!
YJanZ-Providence 2006-09-07 ch 2,	abuseNice and cute story, good job for your first manga story. Despite you wrote down that it reminds you of fruits basket, I don't think that it's like fruits basket anyway, which is good. The characters have cute personalities, but you could be a little more descriptive on them. Overall it was interesting and I will read more. BTW, when you get the chance, drop by my story, Angel's Halo 1: Devil's Rising and leave a review. Its a vampire story and I think you might like it! See ya! aka Mitternacht of Meteor-Infinity~ The dark Providence of fp
WaterFox 2006-09-07 ch 5,	abuseDon't worry about haters, they hate for a reason and most of the time they are just mad because they have issues... Anyhow I am really enjoying this and yes I am happy that you will be adding other signs...yes...hurry up and update faster. So what if I am in school I can always make time to read my stories...longer chapters too...there are those nights when one does not have to do homework and stuff...hurry it up unless you have homework too...will the rest of the signs be boys?
WaterFox 2006-08-26 ch 4,	abuseI like this story, why because it has to do with the zodiac. Are you going to be adding the other signs in slowly and stuff...well I also like it how you have Virgo as being one of your main character, good choice. Why do I say this, because I am one myself. Yeah there are grammar things to be dealt with but so what the story is enjoyable. Like I asked before are you going to bring other signs in...I just like to also say that I like Scorpios and that would be really cooltastic... Update soon.
The Melody of a Broken Hear... 2006-08-25 ch 4,	abuseI'm giong to do one review for all 4 of your chapters. Wow, wait I meant, WOW with caps (lol) I never had this much fun reading a story like this before. I have no clue what was the point of what the hell was going on. I don't see any plot, no nothing except two girls seemingly fighting 24/7. Even with grammatical problems I found through out the story, I was very entertained and puts the comedy in my past stories to shame lol. Keep up the good work and I admire your style of writing, its easy to read and the dialogue only makes it fast paced. By the way, I laughed out loud when one of my character's name was also a character's name in your story. To tell you the turth, they seemed to be exactly the same just that my character isn't that outgoing with her aggressiveness. One last thing, thank you so kindly for reviwing my story. I'm going to add you as one of my favorite author and going to read your other stories just because you're a good author and I want to see your writings.
diamond-dust08 2006-08-24 ch 1,	abusei saw an advertisement of your work on another author's profile (or was it story) and so i decided to check you out. and here i am. although... before i start if you absolutely hate being criticized i'd advise you not to read this anymore (not that this is all criticism, i may praise you for something). i'll review as i go along. first chapter--i noticed that all but one of the characters in this cast list were surnamed Hiwatari, and being at almost the same age they won't be really siblings. unless we really stretch it and claim that they came out of their mother's womb at the same time, like being eleven-tuplets or something. XD from Daiki's character profile also, the Hiwataris seem to be a single family; this probably points to these children as adopted. in any case i'll be going to the next chapter as there wasn't storytelling at all in this chapter (i'm beginning to believe manga defies all conventions, hmm). maybe this is just me, but introducing a lot of characters in the first part (chapter 2) is a little disorienting at first, but once you read through and skim the character profiles again i have a semblance of understanding of who is who. or maybe i'm just slow. if another reader tells of the same thing, it's probably in your side that needs work, so you might consider revising it, for example, think up of a great gimmick to imprint these characters in our minds. the cast list doesn't tell us anything or set them apart (compounded by the fact that they all have the same family name), aside from the who is possessed by which spirit and single-line descriptions of what they're good at. hmm in chapter 2 we at least have some character interaction to set them apart, like Aya and Masumi look like they'd been fighting since forever. LOL. you may or may not disregard the previous paragraph, but i'm willing to go ahead and still read anyway. XD the conversations like they were directly ripped out of a scanlated manga--not that i'm saying you plagiarized, it's just that close to the spirit of a traditional manga. i love Masumi. she's like the much-maligned character of this show. ok to the next chapter. "...their eyes got adjusted to the darkness..." drop the 'got'; it's unnecessary in this sentence. Hideo was scary. he seemed to be the type to pounce on Aya and do something perverted to her. with the "glittery eyes" and the dark background he sounded just like those Japanese salarymen who'd violate a schoolgirl in hentai films. eekk, creepy. hmm, his character justifies his profile at the first page. not much here, so i'm going to the next chapter. "plain black pjs" reconsider capitalizing P and J here to mean 'pajamas'. and because i'm a guy, no, i don't wear pajamas. at all. unless i'm a sissy, which i'm not. but Hideo wearing PJs look like to be some kind of a comedy in itself, so i suggest you keep this idea. ^^ "Masumi demanded with surprised." drop the extra 'd' on 'surprise'. "Satoshi, don’t you have a car?!" i think you're referring to 'Masatoshi?' hmm, confusion. you should really edit this part out. there are really a few things worse than confusing character names because the readers won't know whom you were referring to. "Hey, no wrestling in my care!" drop the extra 'e' on 'car'. LOL. this is so like insane, being chucked a hundred feet away. omg. this is very anime; very traditional humor, which is exaggeration. no minus points here actually, i just found that you're really keeping true to the conventions of anime/manga. and of course, to top it all off, those in the car crashed. the story itself is quite okay actually, but you might want to water down ridiculous humor a little; it's good, but it'd get really old if you use them over and over and frequently. after all, there's only so much exaggeration that even hardcore anime fans could take, and if this was humor try to insert in really flippantly funny comments or even sarcastic wit, which really gets people laughing (take Haruhi Suzumiya for example, a fine example of sarcasm and wit used to humorous levels). the writing style is very much just like a screenplay that a typical anime scriptwriter would produce for an episode. considering a lot of manga are written like this in FP, i'm half-decided whether to take this into a negative light or just let it pass. although grammar is good and there are very few occurrences of grammatical mistakes, the style is definitely unsuited for narration. the format is very severe, strictly following a one-character-speech per line of text without even elaboration, just like "yadda" he said, next line, "yadda!" she said, and so on. this occurs very frequently in manga these days--i don't know if it's the rage today and it's the accepted norm, or this just a deviation and a hybrid of a screenplay and narrative. please enlighten me. although, however, there are still manga stories here that were written in the standard style, like how a real novel is written. but for all that, without the unnecessary periphernalia reading was much easier (as in less straining), so probably there is an advantage in this style over the others. as i said before, this is as enjoyable as reading manga, only without the pictures to go with it. i will be watching for more of this, so if you can update soon, please do so. as a summary, though, your script-meets-narrative style is not fantastic and would win no literary awards, but it sure gets the job done (even more so than other narrative-driven stories out there, which is really something) and makes for easy and light reading. this aspect makes it enjoyable in itself. you might need to develop characters more as this has a lot, but aside from that, i can find nothing wrong with this. it's a good, recommendable read. i'll be dropping by often as i can, and if you find this review helpful, then i'd appreciate a return review. keep it up! ~DD
Kari Mezmaru 2006-08-22 ch 4,	abusePretty funny. They have an intercom, and should everybody in the car be eating? Cause a collision's gonna definantly happen (I'd like to see if that's true). Anyway, please update!
Noihseret 2006-08-18 ch 4,	abuseMUFFINS! lol, this story is hilarious! I love it ^^ can't wait for more!!
Dice Darwin 2006-08-16 ch 4,	abuseThis is nuts. This is also one of the most random stories I've ever read. One of the funniest too. As for you question of what 18 yr old guys wear at night, I'm 19 and I sleep in my boxers. Been doing it since about 16. Hope that helps. By the way, I think I may be able to help you get more reviews. I'm doing this thing where I advertise people's stories at the end of my chapters (and they do the same for me, of course). My story gets a pretty good amount of traffic, so this may be to your advantage. If you wanna do it, just let me know in a review or something. ps. check out the latest chapter of my story "Strike Me Down" for an example of my advertisement. Good luck with your writing. D2
Noihseret 2006-08-10 ch 3,	abuseanother great chpater. I love the plot in this. it's amazing!! plus your writting style compliments it well. I loved the scene when the girls were talking with Hideo. it felt so real ^^ I can't wait to read more!

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