   Gilee7 2006-08-02 . chapter 1[in a spectacular show-down for the last days of youth] Even though this isn't what the line refers to, at least not directly, I think of graduation everytime I see "spectacular show-down." Since that's what graduation basically is: a celebration for the end of our youth, many high school friends hang out together and swear to each that they will remain close no matter what university they go to, that they will somehow stay in contact no matter the distance. That's never the case, though. Everybody goes their separate way, only occasionally running into those "best friends forever," mostly at a high school reunion.
[and we were transfixed by the images passing by our / blood shot, dilated eyes.] This is a great throwback to the "high on gasoline" line in the first stanza.
[and feasted for the two hours it took to get us / to never never land.] Do you mean "never land" as in "not land?" Or do you mean it as Neverland: the former home of Michael Jackson and the place Peter Pan lived, where kids never grow up. The latter seems most likely, and it totally fits with the theme of the poem.
[I thought it a metaphor for / our real lives were just beginning that day] This sounds a little awkward.
[side by side / on the itchy sunburnt grass,] "Sunburnt grass" is great figurative language.
[we let / the silence settle upon us like childhood blankets / encasing us in that one afternoon of perfect bliss.] Great lines. "Childhood blankets" is the perfect term here.
[(buried deep down in the careless mists of my mind like a box in the attic )] Love this line.
[Itwas a nod,] Loading error.
This poem is absolutely amazing. Until recently, when I finally started reading a majority of your work, I had never realized just how talented a writer you truly are. I totally had you underrated, especially as a poet. You're amazing. Repeat: amazing.
I could gush and gush and gush over this poem. It's fantastic. It's very tightly wound, has a great use of grammar (which is something every poet on this site seems to ignore), and the imagery is five-star. The poem reads like a story, or, to be more accurate, since this is what I saw: a music video, just without the music, of course. But the images really feel like something I'd see in a music video, especially with "you" walking down the street and passing an old childhood friend that you haven't seen in years, and then the music starts as you think back to this "spectacular show-down."
The poem has a realistic feel to it, which is quite excellent. Many poems of this type are just a string of cliches that don't really have any personal feel to them. Everything that happened in this poem might be totally made up, but it didn't FEEL that way. Also, I love how you seem to have such a firm grasp of your words and lines, and how in stanza three you might refer back to something in stanza one. That shows how deeply involved you are with your own writing, how attached you get to it.
I don't do the favorite stories thing. I just add my favorite authors and leave it at that. But if I DID list my favorite stories, this poem would be my newest addition. This whole "friends forever" deal is something I think about quite often, since I'm getting to the point, with my second year of community college, where next year I'll be going off to some university and leaving my friends behind. I worry that even if I move back here and they stay here, too, that we'll never re-capture the tight bond that we currently have. This poem is actually quite sad, though it doesn't feel as sad as it truly is. It's more like the poem acknowledges the sadness of the situation, but then shrugs its shoulders at it, since the poem knows this is the way it almost always is.
Amazing poem, citrus. Write on! |
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