Baba O'Reilly!

First, I just want to say that I respect you. I respect you for putting quite a bit of 'you' into this story, because most writers cannot relate to their own characters - they're just names on a paper and nothing else except clay to be molded into a character.

Me, I like more serious stories (not to say that fun, easy stories aren't great) but I don't like serious, serious stories about doctorines that require me to read it a hundred more times until I ask someone what does that mean. Anyways, now that that is over I should really get to the review.

My favorite line in this prologue was: [You're like the Alice who still needs to find her wonderland. And though you know it, you pretend that you have solid opinions, just like everybody else. You never do.]

I think that it somewhat relates to me, this simple line, because even though I'm only fourteen I'm still wondering where my lives going. When I younger, it was so easy, just to say "I'm going to go to Harvard/Yale/Oxford/Princeton and am going to be a rich writer with a mansion in the hillside."

But now that I'm older, it seems so impossible and that's where it all falls apart. What am I going to do? Am I going to college? Will I be someone important or a hobo bumming for some quarters? And then everyone else just knows what they want to be and where they're headed, they're all boarding the train and I'm still stuck on the platform.

[Lying is no longer just your bad habit; it's the way you live, the way you survive. And yet, sometimes, there are truths in your lies. That's how much of a contradiction you are.] Once again, it's like this whole chapter is just pointing at me - just shining a big light over me and going, ding ding ding ding!

I used to lie so much when I was ten, and people would believe me - I never had given them a reason not to, and they'd drink it up which empowered me. It gave me something to be proud of, but with each lie came another conflict with 'what did I make up?' and then it just got harder, and I was sure that each lie had sculpted me into this body - a body of gossip, a paper mache of false truths. And I didn't know where the truth began and the lies ended.

Ooh, I sound like someone who needs help DX.

But you shouldn't be nervous, because I think that it's really brave that you're putting your opinions / thoughts / and questions into this story. I borrowed this quote from WikiQuote, on opinions, ...

"He who has no opinion of his own, but depends upon the opinion and taste of others, is a slave." - Klopstock

I really don't have no idea who Klopstock is though -.-;

Onwards, to the next chapter, tomorrow! after my favorite show, because i am a procrastinator. xD No seriously, I'll probably review the next chapter before Bring It On: In It To win it comes on.

~ I reached for your hand, a fragment of the stars

Good characterization. Although it seems you've squandered the advantage of the first person perspective. Try and show more complicated thoughts of your characters instead of just one-shot lines.

Also, have your character's take in their senses. Process what things feel like to the touch, hear like, taste like and smell like. Use these elements to describe a location. You have some good qualities here, but you don't really give the reader an enviromental perspective.

Whoo someone's been busy? You've got so many new stories going on. What is your secret (of course I am very very fictionpress dead so I guess someone with two whole updates within like a would impress me).

Omg I get random phrases stuck in my head too - I had poodles stuck in my head for like a month. Poodles? Has to be the most random stuck-in-the-head word ever. Ah and he names his guitar. I would laugh and say it's sad, but I once named my retainer. And Mikhail (how do you pronounce that, by the way?) is a fictional character. So yeah. I think it's cool his guitar is called Marley. I like musicians. M.

'I am but a mere storm trooper to his Darth Vader.' Hehe what a metaphor!

'All sciences: maths, chem, bio and physics' Ah she is a woman after my own heart, if only she did English lit instead of dirty dirty Physics (I am a biologist now and we hate THEM out of principle lol).

Hehe farts will always be funny, won't they? I love how you write about them - I don't think that many people would have the guts! I always wanted to write a kind of collection of thoughts that you get from sitting on the toilet (or maybe that's just me!) but was too scared - thought it would be too crude. It would. Ho hum.

Oh I like yellow. I don't really worship coldplay or anything, but that song is good. Apparently they wrote that song without the word Yellow in it, just kind of leaving gaps in it, and filled it in later because it had the right amount of syllables. Okay, WHY do I know that? lol.

You know, I've actually never watched Grey's anatomy, and I've only ever seen one episode of House - although I've heard they're both great. I'm missing out, I think. Prison Break is my downfall. Is Chase the guy who used to be Billy from Neighbours? He used to be quite cute, from what I remember.

I love the way that Mikhail relates things to colours. I have friends who are synaesthesic (oh my God that is the hardest word to spell EVER and I probably haven't done it right and I'm not even sure it's a real word but I hope you get what it's meant to be) which is pretty cool.

I think Mikhail sounds believable as a guy, but unfortunately I too am a member of club double X so can't be much help there! And yay for football. It is so NOT soccer. What does soccer even mean anyway? It's a silly word. I feel I've said this before, so sorry if I'm repeating myself, but I did a quiz that told me my theme song was Comfortably Numb, but I thought that was too depressing so I did another one which said it was Dancing Queen. Quite cool, but I hate Abba. What's yours? Sorry if you've said somewhere and I've forgotten!

hiya...interesting storyy..its very different and i like it..the characters seem col...and i like the way they dicuss music and everything..its very interesting...and omg i LOVE Grey's Anotomy:D..haha and yeah McDreamy is so totally hot..but the show overall is amazing too haha..anyways keep up the great work and update son please..ciao

Great chapter! They seem so cute. Except now Mikhail thinks that she likes Jonah or something... Argh. Why oh why? I hate misunderstandings. Maybe she liked him yesterday, but that doesn't count for today! :( Oh well. We'll see how it goes. :D
Can't wait to read more! :)

yeah i could tell it was hard. i mean we are girls after all...plus girls have more feelings than guys...well if you know what i mean. anyway it was a bit hard figuring out mikhail is a male..but at the end i figured it out. i like it. keep the flow going, man.
p.s. aren't you glad you're a female? lol
p.p.s. ok i dont know where that came from.

suggestions for mikhail:
make him sound more manly..well not as 'manly' as whatshisname.
um...if he does like whatshername make like...put more guy emotion in it..
ok that is hard to do but...i don't know...
hmm...talk about his personality a bit but not too much or it'll be boring.
describe how he looks...?
i have no eff-upped idea!

oh well hope this helps a bit.
=]

xx.

Wow... I think I'm a lot like Mikhail... I love Coldplay, and I was slightly musically offended (well, not really, I just like the term) and my favorite song of theirs is Yellow. Fortunately, I don't listen to the radio so I don't listen to it get over played - I hate it when that happens... but hey, i'm guessing its inevitable.

AND... I like Grey's Anatomy. Not sure more than House. House is fun to watch, quirky... but GRey's Anatomy is just... addicting.

So this totally has nothing about your story so far, so I'll just say..

The dialogue in your story is great. It's really smooth, and it really is like two people talking to each other. :)

Wow, this was really nice. The words weren't too complex for people not to go "huh?" but then, they weren't like "nice, fun, happy" kind of words too. :)

Nice way to start. :)

Who sorry it's taken so long to review this - my computer has been playing up lately and I also went on holiday. Lol I have the worst sunburn right now. Anyhoo really liked this chapter here - Jameela is great - I love all of the contradictory feelings and stuff like 'I hate my mother. I love my mother'. Very realistic - I love how your characters always seem so real and have layers (like ogres and onions!). Meh, sorry, just can't help the Shrek references.

Loved the whole theme tunes thing as well. Hehe I have had that conversation before but I was lazy and just did a quiz on it. Ugh and yeah, I want a fast metabolism damnit! Oh and the soulmate / sex change conversation was really funny, and Zhen seems really nice. I loved all of the song references as well, except I now have about three songs in my head at once and I am blaming you! Oh and don't be panicky, I really like the way that this story is going. And yeah I can totally relate!

Ooh and can I just say from your profile that I loved the TENG quote. I used to have a profile full of them but it took up too much space *sigh*. You've got to love TENG, though, right? Llama face!

Am interested to see where you're heading with this muh dear.

I dare you to put 'instant pleasure' in the next chapter. XD Your prudeness probably won't be able to handle it!

Not disappointed at all. This chapter was great. :) I liked the life theme song thing.Can't wait to read more!

Imlike the fact that it's all music based - it gives it an edge!

"Yesterday I was in love with him; today I don’t know what I had seen in him." That was such a wonderful line. It seems so nonchalant, maybe a little bitter, but no regret. It just seems to support the mother's claim that she's slightly cynical. I can't quite put my finger on it right now, but it does. (Although she's cynical, she believes in the movies. A nice show of her romantic side.) Maybe I'm thinking too much on that one. Let's just let it rest at "it was wonderful(ly smooth)".

A slight correction: "The only opinion Jonah has ever expressed to me is that ‘Hollywood cheapens everything’, sometimes I worry whether that’s the only opinion he ever has." I would change it to "...Hollywood cheapens everything; sometimes I worry" or I would change the semicolon to a simple period.

Such Great Heights plug! Yeah!

"you want me to want you to want to." I'll admit it; I, like Zhen, tried to figure it out for a second or two. It didn't work out.

Interesting dialogue. I found she had different variations of herself (oh that would be a cool title for a future fic), which might not be what you were aiming for, (so I decided to get it out there) but it's rather realistic, since everyone tends to act differently around different people. In fact (and I'm not trying to shove this idea at you, but if you don't like the way I interpreted it, and you find valid reason to assume that I'm not just crazy, you could address it in your story, so that she's like that for a reason), maybe there could be a confrontation about her... three-sidedness?

How's that for constructive criticism?! I didn't quite follow your little guideline, but I figured it was getting long enough as it was. Now don't think I was too negative, because I found this a genuinely interesting chapter, with insight into the character (who I happen to think is realistic because of the reasons I stated above. The only reason I mentioned it is because I thought maybe that wasn't what you were looking for; some might think the characterization is a little jumpy. Personally, I think it's accurate) that really introduces the story to you.

"Even if I was a hundred" - I think this should probably be 'even if I were a hundred'

"Wait till you're in your fifties, then you'll really know what life is" - ha! That sounds like something MY mom would say. Especially when I am angsting about how "old" I am. XD

Yay! A fellow procrastinator! ^_^

"Its how you percieve yourself, kind of pretentious once you think about it."

Should be: It's how you percieve yourself. Kind of pretentious once you think about it.

XD I liked their little conversation. That was a pretty bad joke. *laughs*

Singing while she's on the phone. Poor Zhen. She must be really embarrassed. "I don't knnow, she's just being weird as usual." ::dies laughing::

The witty banter is nice, and the humor is a delightful added bonus. Hope ya update soon!

P.S. I like the music choices. ^_~

xchoco