Great work, very imaginative keep up the good work

I'm not a huge fan of seemingly unstructured poetry. Your use of periods (stretched elipses?) kind of suggests a pause or a silence, but things like this really just add a lot of meaningless length to a poem. Your words should be able to speak for themselves, without you having to add weird typographical conventions.

I do like your subtle (but slanted) in line rhyming in line 5, with "starved" and "bards" though. That was pretty good. In fact, line 5 was the only line I can say I honestly liked. The rest seems a little unfocused. I'll admit that you have some good imagery, with your "sweet chariot" and "starved universe" but I'm not entirely sure where this poem is going. I'm not asking for something that makes complete sense--I'd just rather it had a direction.

i love it